“I’ve never known you to be anything less than a hundred and fifty.” Oliver was doing his best to comfort her. He was better at dealing with feelings and emotions than her, but not by much.
Most of the team tended to keep their thoughts under lock and key. It kept them focused on the job, and it was safer for everyone if they didn’t allow their personal lives to get in the way during missions.
Like I am now. The rest of the drive was painfully quiet. Even the beautiful scenery wasn’t enough to distract her thoughts, to keep her past from needling her in the ribs, poking and prodding much too close to her heart and threatening to crack the defenses she’d erected years ago. Not enough. Seth’s constant refrain aimed at her and her competence as a wife and lover, as Levi’s mother, and even her professional life had been what turned her into an even harder and colder person. Was I really that bad before though?
“We’re here,” the driver abruptly announced, hitting a massive pothole in the dirt road just before driving through a gated entrance.
“Sydney?” Oliver prompted as if still waiting for her to overturn his concerns and prove she was as “okay” as she’d clearly failed to let on.
She peeked at him from over her shoulder and found him studying her with a worried look. He knew Seth was her ex, but he didn’t know the dark and gritty details of why they’d divorced.
But Sydney was familiar with the look in Oliver’s light brown eyes. Part sympathy and part “want to kill a guy” for upsetting a teammate. He was becoming like a brother, and as an only child, part of her had always wanted an overprotective sibling.
She’d hoped for a lot of “brother-types” in the Army, but it took time to earn their trust. Even as a cadet at West Point, women were still heavily outnumbered.
Eventually, while serving, she’d found her tribe. Found a group that had accepted her. Let her into their circle. And then . . .
“I’m good,” she promised. I will be. As long as Levi’s okay, I’ll be fine.
“The Gabriel hacienda is pretty far back in the woods,” Mya piped up, breaking the awkward tension. “We’re pretty much in the jungle.”
“Señor Gabriel purchased this property two years ago. It’s quite the place. We call it El Gimnasio de la Selva.” The driver caught Sydney’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “The Jungle Gym,” he translated as they neared the front of the sprawling estate. “There are twenty bungalows on the property as well. We have set up four for you all. Unless you are couples and wish to share?”
“No, four rooms, por favor.” Sydney spotted a helo pad off to their right and noticed Martín’s helo had yet to return. “Is Martín still at our resort?”
“Sí. He’s asked me to bring you to your rooms to relax and freshen up. He will meet you back here for dinner in the courtyard with his wife,” he informed them as they rounded the circular driveway in front of the pinkish-hued stucco home, which Mother Earth appeared to have partially reclaimed with vines winding up the front. The architecture had a Spanish colonial feel to it, but she doubted the place was very old.
The moment Oliver exited the vehicle, Sydney scooted across the seat and stepped out, desperate for a breath of fresh air. Beckett retrieved their luggage from the trunk, while Oliver did the same for himself and Mya. But when the driver began walking and motioned for them to follow, Sydney couldn’t move a muscle.
Beckett set the bags down and approached her, shielding his eyes with his hand to keep the bright, beating sun free from his face. There was a narrow opening between the leaves overhead, and the light seemed to strike him step by step as he closed the gap between them.
Sydney set a hand to her abdomen, trying to wrap her head around whatever strange sensations seemed to be attacking her. A tingling feeling in her hands. A tremble in her stomach. Her heart racing. A tightness in her chest. Was this a panic attack? Levi had described the same sensations after he’d had his first one shortly after he’d learned of the affair, and . . . is this one? Why now?
“I’m coming.” She waved Mya off, feeling her friend’s eyes on her without looking her way. “Go ahead. Be right behind you.”
Sydney focused on Beckett quietly standing before her, his hand at his side now that they were in the shade, but he didn’t say a word.
You were betrayed too. You know exactly what I’ve been through. She frowned at that fact because she hated the idea of others suffering, but she knew Beckett had gone through hell too. And he recognized the last thing she needed was pity.
She wasn’t sure how long they simply stood there staring into each other’s eyes. A handful of seconds? A minute or two?
But the tightness in her chest lost its hold beneath his steady brown gaze. The comfort he managed to offer her from his quiet but strong presence helped pull her back together. Helped remind her she was tough.
You’re a badass warrior, Mom. She decided to replace Seth’s words with her son’s, and more of the painful sensations in her body seemed to drift free.
“Let’s go,” she said softly and tipped her head in thanks for what he’d done for her, quietly being there for her, knowing what she’d needed. “I’m ready.”
He retrieved their bags once again and hung behind her as they traveled through the massive double-door entranceway.
Oliver, Mya, and their driver stood in the foyer discussing the history of the property.
“Hey.” Mya gave her an easy, sweet smile, an invitation to join in on their conversation.
Sydney wasn’t up for talking, so she was happy Mya peppered their driver, now their tour guide, with questions about the estate as they navigated the gorgeous property.
Sydney barely noticed the beautiful details and design inside the home or the jungle setting once they were back outside either. And had Beckett not warned her, she would have tripped over an iguana lounging on the path leading to their bungalows.
“Here we are.” Their guide stopped and opened his palms near four structures—two buildings on each side of the wider part of the trail, surrounded by trees. Hammocks of brightly woven material hung on the small front porch areas of each bungalow.
“What are they made of?” Mya asked, pointing to the bungalows while they approached.
“Mostly chukum stucco. Chukum bark is all over the Yucatán Peninsula. The bark’s color is what gives the exterior that earthy, natural color. And the thatched roofs are made of dried palm leaves. The bungalows don’t have AC units, but there’s a fan over each bed. And a small outdoor shower attached at the side.”
Sydney’s attention swerved toward Beckett to discover him scrutinizing her intently, but not in the same way he’d looked at her in the hotel room. No, that blaze of desire from earlier had been replaced with something else. Concern?
“Well.” The man slapped his palms together and rubbed them. “Can I get you anything else?”
“We’re all set.” Sydney thanked him and watched as he walked toward the main house, then quickly lifted her eyes toward a rustling sound in a nearby tree and swore she spotted a spider monkey spying on them. So much for the option to have a private shower. This little guy would creep on her for sure.
“I’ll set your stuff down in one of the bungalows.” Beckett tossed a look back at her. “Matter which one?”