Forgive me.
I nod because what else can I say? He took me in when I literally had no one else who would or could.
After a minute, I cough. “Are you just gonna try to sweep all of this under the rug? Like when I was little and upset about Gabby not living with us?”
He wipes his eyes. “You’d always be so upset after you’d see her that I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong for not taking her in too.”
It’s the first time he’s ever admitted as much.
Since he’s being so forthright, I have to ask him again. “So you really had no idea Lily was mine? Even though she looks like me?”
He glares at me. “Of course I had no idea. The last time I saw her…” He scrunches his face and motions with his hands. “Era pequeñita. Pelona.” She was very small. Bald.
At least he doesn’t call her ugly this time.
“Even though Janelle named the baby Liliana?” I can tell from the confusion on his face that he has no idea what I’m talking about. “My mom’s middle name.”
His eyebrows lift. “I just thought it was a nice name.”
We drink our beer in silence until he asks, “Is your girlfriend really the daughter of that rich guy?”
I shrug. “Does it matter? Sienna is... Sienna. I don’t give a shit about who her family is.” I wish she hadn’t kept it from me, but when I compare it to the things Janelle lied about, they’re like night and day. Sienna’s omission didn’t hurt anyone whereas Janelle left a trail of destruction in her wake. I obviously don’t know a big part of Sienna’s background, but now that I’ve had more than a minute to think about it, there’s a hell of a lot that I do understand.
She’s sweet and kind and funny. She’s selfless and caring. Beautiful inside and out. When life feels like it’s spiraling out of control, she makes me look on the bright side. Sienna’s my sunshine.
My uncle’s quiet, and I feel the need to clarify something.
“Tío, just because I forgive you doesn’t mean I can forget what happened tonight or how you and Tía treated Sienna. That woman means the world to me.”
It wasn’t my family who stood up for me tonight. It was bold, beautiful Sienna.
Like a blindsided hit on the field, emotion slams into me. The affection I have for her is fierce. Like the love I have for my family and the motivation I have for football and school all wrapped up in one.
I fucking love that woman.
When I replay the afternoon in my mind, I could kick myself for that stupid argument we had on the way here. For the way that shit about her family knocked me off balance. No wonder she wouldn’t let me kiss her when she left.
In a daze, I sit with my uncle and absentmindedly drink another beer. The whole time, I’m dying to talk to Sienna. To tell her how I feel.
I get the sense Tío wants to reassure me he’s on my side, but I’m so fucking worn out by the time he goes to bed an hour later, I can barely keep my eyes open. I shouldn’t have had two beers with my allergy meds. I’ll probably sleep like the dead.
But before I collapse in bed, I need to talk to Sienna.
Except when I call, she doesn’t pick up.
And I’m afraid I’ve fucked up everything.
After I check on my daughter, who’s sprawled in her pack ’n’ play in my aunt and uncle’s bedroom, I wish them good night and head to my old room. I strip off my shirt, pull back the covers, and collapse on the bed.
I never hear the door open.
49
SIENNA
The Uber driver listens to me cry for a good twenty minutes. By the time I reach Gabby’s apartment, I’m pretty sure I look like a swollen tomato.
Gabby takes one look at me on her front stoop and wraps me in her arms. “Oh, honey. What happened?”
Gabby knew Ben and I were meeting with her uncle this weekend. I told her in case we had time to stop by her place for a quick visit.
She ushers me into her apartment, and Rider waves from the couch. “Sienna!” When he sees how upset I am, he’s immediately on his feet. “Who do I need to kill?”
I laugh and ugly-cry while they both hug me. I love these two.
“Stop or I’m gonna get snot on you.” We head into the living room, and I flop on their giant couch. “Where’s Poppy? Is she already asleep?” I miss Rider’s little munchkin so much. I’m sure Lily is going to adore Poppy.
Rider nods. “The nugget’s in bed, but she’ll be up at asscrack, so you’ll see her tomorrow.”
They order Mexican food, and we settle in while I tell them everything that happened. I’m anxious as I share the truth about my family because I figure it’s just a matter of time before they hear it from Ben, and I’d rather them hear it from me.
“Do you hate me for not telling you?” I ask Gabby.
“Of course not, goofball. I don’t care who your family is. All that matters is what’s in here.” She taps on my shoulder. “And, I mean, if I could get free overnight shipping on your app, well, I wouldn’t complain.”
After a beat of silence, we all laugh. I know she’s just joking. Gabby is one of the most sincere people I know.
It feels so good to laugh and to be open about who I am. I didn’t realize this secret had been weighing on me.
I flick off a piece of cilantro from my asada taco. “Can I ask you guys something? Do you think I’m bad for Ben? Do I distract him?”
Rider gets a fierce frown on his face. “Don’t be crazy. As far as I can tell, you keep him from losing his shit.”
Gabby laughs and shoves her boyfriend playfully. He hooks an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in for a brief kiss, and it’s so sweet, I have to glance away.
“Look, Sienna,” Rider says after he finishes making goo goo eyes at Gabby, “Ben hasn’t been playing a lot of minutes because Krugman is a dumbass. The guys have all been calling me, so I’ve heard the coach is playing some weird favorites game. It sucks. But I can say that none of that has anything to do with you.”
I dip a chip into the queso. “I’m the reason he and Cal fought.”
He snorts. “I’m surprised that didn’t happen sooner. No one likes that guy. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. Did Ben injure his hand?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
“And he didn’t get any formal kind of reprimand?”
“No one saw it, but Krugman stopped playing him as much in scrimmages. And it’s been even worse since the season officially started.”
“That’s his loss. Everyone’s asking why B-Rod isn’t getting more game time. The ESPN anchor even wondered if he was injured and the team was keeping it a secret.”
Now that I’ve had time to talk through everything, I realize that Ben and I aren’t quite so hopeless. Yes, it’s a little crushing to know his aunt and uncle think I’m wrecking his football career, but that doesn’t make it true.
Ben and I just need some time to talk. I need to explain more about my family. Hopefully he won’t let his family’s opinions about me sway him.