“Sienna...” There’s regret in his eyes, but I’m too upset to try to make him feel better.
“You should’ve saved yourself a trip to Texas and threatened me on the phone.” I swing my bag over my shoulder and stand. “Good luck with kid number four. I hope the baby learns how to code so you can show some interest in her life.”
As I walk away, he calls my name again, but I’m exhausted, and I feel really fucking defeated.
And I’m not ready to talk to the only person who might understand.
53
BEN
“Thanks for helping out, Bianca,” I tell my cousin. “Sorry you’re missing school.”
She lifts Lily in her arms and twirls her around. My daughter giggles and tries to eat her hair.
“I’m not. Missing class is the best part.”
“Are you gonna get in trouble?”
“Nah. Papi told the principal I had mono.” She laughs with a wicked glint in her eye. “I didn’t think he’d actually use that excuse when I suggested it. I don’t think he knows that mono is mostly caught from kissing.”
“If Tío catches you kissing some rando, he’s gonna lose his shit.”
“He lost it after you left. He was so mad at Janelle.” She grabs my arm. “I’m sorry I wasn’t home this weekend. Mami said I’m not old enough to hear everything y’all were discussing. Hard eye roll right there. My parents think I’m still a kid. Their hair would fall out if they knew all the things I really do.”
“Jesus. Don’t tell me.” I hold my hands up. “Ignorance is bliss.”
She elbows me in the gut. “Shut up and kiss your kid goodbye.”
I kiss Lily and hug Bianca. It was such a shock to see her on my porch last night. I honestly had no plan for today. Magnolia had a conflict early in the morning, which is usually when Sienna would watch Lily.
“Okay, I’ll see you tonight. Maggie will be by after her class to give you a break.” I shove a few snacks in my backpack. I can’t help but glance around the house and look for Sienna. I do that a lot lately. Granted, it’s only been a few days, but they’ve been the longest of my life.
I miss her with an acuteness that’s downright painful.
I cut classes and practice yesterday because I didn’t have childcare. I figured that Krud already hates me. What’s one missed practice? I called it in. Listened to him yell at me. Whatever.
I’m feeling strangely apathetic about everything. Life. Classes. Football.
Lily is the only one I don’t feel apathetic about.
And Sienna.
But I don’t know if I can describe how I feel about her. Mostly I’m really fucking hurt and pissed even though I’d give my left nut to see her.
I’m gutted she believed Janelle’s theatrics. That she let another woman break us up. That she thought so little of me she fucking ghosted me out of left field.
It feels wrong to be living at her place without her. Part of me wants to find another apartment, but that would probably screw up Sienna’s lease.
Not that she gives a shit about it, seeing how she up and moved out of her house without saying a word.
By the time I’m done with early-morning conditioning and classes, I’m exhausted. I drag my ass to practice, change my clothes, and shove all my shit into the locker.
Coach Nicholson has us practicing deep corner routes. He and Krud are talking heatedly on the sidelines when Krud yells my name.
I jog over to him, and he waves his thumb behind him. “You missed practice yesterday. Run ten laps.”
I don’t bother to argue. The man hates me, and I have no idea why. When I tried to explain the situation with my daughter, he told me, “I don’t give a shit. You’re on the team to win. Period.”
So I run two and a half miles.
The sun beats down on me, sweat stings my eyes, and I keep going.
It would be easy to give into the bleakness whirling through me right now, but the anger and frustration propels me. One step and then the next.
In the back of my mind, I hear Sienna telling me to look on the bright side. Telling me that I’ll be faster in my next game because I’m working harder now. I fucking miss her.
And yeah, she blocked my ass on her phone, so I can’t even beg her to listen to me.
After practice, I’m walking out with Olly and Johnny when a couple of the cheerleaders come up to us. I let the guys talk as I check my messages. I’m reading an update from Magnolia about Lily’s afternoon when I feel a hand on my sleeve.
Cherry, a cheerleader who has bright red hair, smiles up at me. “Hey, Ben. I was wondering if you wanted to pair up for that monetization project. The guy I’m usually matched with gives me the creeps.”
What is it with men who creep on women who aren’t interested?
“Sure. I should probably get on that. I haven’t planned out that far to be honest.”
She gets her phone out, and we swap numbers and agree to meet in the library later in the week.
As the guys and I walk out into the parking lot, Johnny elbows me. “I’m glad you’re moving on. There’s no reason to let Sienna screw you up. Cherry’s hot as fuck.”
I frown. I’m meeting with Cherry for a school assignment, but I don’t bother to argue with him. What’s the point in telling him I have zero interest in other women right now? I don’t feel like talking. I barely feel like breathing, so shooting the shit with Johnny is low on my priorities.
Johnny elbows me again, but I ignore him and save Cherry’s info in my contact list.
“Dude. Incoming,” he mumbles.
I look up and there she is.
Sienna.
Sitting on my bumper like I haven’t been freaking the fuck out over her leaving.
The sight of her sends my heart into overdrive, but the wary expression on her face has me bracing for the worst.
She stands up and her little sundress flutters in the warm breeze.
“Sienna!” Olly lifts her into a hug.
She gives him a half-hearted smile, but when she looks to Johnny, he shakes his head.
“Why you doing our dude here dirty? He’s been a wreck since you left.”
“Shut the fuck up, Johnny, and go home.”
I shove him away, and he puffs out his chest at Sienna like a bantam rooster. “Don’t make me do something I’ll regret.”
He’s trying my last nerve, but I love that dumbass.
Sienna and I watch each other while Johnny and Olly take off. The long shadows of the gnarled oak trees at the edge of the parking lot reach between us. Even though she’s only five feet away, for some reason it feels like miles.
There’s no sunny smile or hugs for me. That thought snaps me out of my stupor.
“I didn’t cheat on you.” I walk around her to open my SUV. I toss my gym bag across to the passenger seat.
When I turn back to look at her, she nods. “I know.”
“You know?” I laugh caustically. For some reason, that pisses me off. “And yet you moved out? Didn’t bother to call. Didn’t tell me where you were or that you were okay after you drove down by yourself from Dallas. Blocked me from calling you. And yet you know?”