“That was when I realized how fearless my little girl was, and short of putting you in a puppy crate, there was no stopping you.”
“Thanks for not putting me in a crate,” Billie said. “What did you do?”
“To be honest, I was a mess. I wasn’t prepared to be such a fierce little girl’s mother. When other little girls were playing with dolls, you were racing around or diving off things. I was sure you’d end up with a head injury, and it was my responsibility to keep you safe. But it was also my responsibility not to hold you back from becoming the person you were meant to be. Even if I didn’t understand who that was. It wasn’t easy figuring out how to do both, but your father and I talked about it, and we came up with a plan. We talked with you often about the dangers of what you were doing and tried to give you other options. Your father put up bars for you to climb on out back that weren’t as high as the curtains, but you refused to use them because you said they were for babies.”
Bobbie stifled a laugh.
“We instituted more time-outs, but you’d sit and stew, and I swear to you, Billie Jean, you spent that time concocting your next endeavor. So, we padded the corners of furniture, fortified the curtain rods, and I made a padded mat for the bottom of the stairs. If I took you girls to a park, I brought a high schooler with me to help me keep an eye on you. But as you got older, our worries got bigger. Your father and I couldn’t watch you every second, and if we’d told you that you couldn’t ride dirt bikes or climb to impossible heights, you’d have been even more determined to do it. By then, you, Dare, and Eddie had become like this.” She crossed her fingers. “Those boys were blessings in our lives. Their parents were going through the same things we were, and we shared the burden of keeping tabs on our riskier kids while we had our others underfoot. We helped each other, and we learned everything we could about the things you kids did, so we would understand the dangers, and it helped us to understand how the activities were good for you, too. It was a relief knowing we weren’t in it alone, and Tiny had Doc and Cowboy watching out for you kids, too, although that presented its own problems. Dare was not happy about that, and he was always finding ways to sneak away.”
“We all did,” Billie said.
Tiny had been tough on his boys when they were younger, drilling into them the need to watch out for their siblings and for others and teaching them to always try to do the right thing. He wasn’t shy with his opinions, either. He’d given Billie, Bobbie, Eddie, and plenty of their other kids’ friends talking-tos about the same things.
“But don’t get me wrong,” their mother said. “You kids weren’t bad children; you just liked doing different things than other kids. But the three of you self-regulated. Eddie was just careful enough to make you and Dare think twice about some things, and as wild as Dare was, he was always looking out for you, and you would get furious at him for it. He’d tell you to watch him do something so he could let you know if it was too hard for you, and you’d stomp ahead and do it first.”
“Darn right I did. I wasn’t going to be told what to do by a boy.”
“Here’s a news flash,” Bobbie said. “You don’t like to be told what to do by anyone, and neither does Dare.”
“I know, but he could get seriously hurt or die,” Billie pointed out.
“When I used to tell you that, you’d say you could get hurt walking across the street,” Bobbie reminded her. “So where’s the line between what’s okay and what’s not? Do you want him to stop doing everything that’s dangerous? Parachutes fail. Does he have to stop skydiving? What about driving his motorcycle? They’re more dangerous than cars. How about cliff diving? He could land wrong and—”
“I get it, Bobbie,” Billie snapped. “I don’t mean those types of activities. We went kayaking, and I loved it.”
“You did?” their mother asked. “That’s wonderful.”
“I know. It felt great, and it kind of made me want to try doing some of the fun things we used to do again.” She surprised herself with that statement but didn’t slow down to explore it. “It’s just the over-the-top stunts I’m having trouble with. The ones where it seems like Dare has a death wish.”
Bobbie held her gaze, her expression warming. “You won’t want to hear this, but have you considered that maybe you’ve changed too much to be with him?”
“Of course I have. But I want to be with him. I love being with him, and I like who I am when we’re together. I just don’t want to lose him.” She bit back the emotions clawing at her and looked at their mother. “Did you know he has my old racing bike?”
“Yes,” his mother said. “You wanted us to get rid of it, and he asked if he could have it. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“Did you know about the track he built?”
“I knew he built a motocross track,” their mother said. “Why?”
Billie shook her head. “No reason.”
“Oh my gosh, Billie.” Bobbie looked at her imploringly. “Your thirteenth birthday card. He built it for you, didn’t he?”
Tears sprang to Billie’s eyes so fast, she didn’t know what hit her.
“Oh, Billie.” Their mother’s brows knitted. “That risk-taking man loves you with everything he has, doesn’t he?”
“Okay, stop. You’re not going to make me all emotional.”
“Are those tears I see?” Bobbie teased.
“Don’t.” Billie exhaled loudly, trying to pull herself together. “Mom, did you tell me all those things about when I was little to show me that there’s nothing I can do about my situation with Dare?”
“No, honey. I was trying to tell you that everyone is different. Some people are wired to crave extra thrills, and after everything you’ve been through, it’s only natural that you’re afraid of losing Dare. But I think Bobbie has a point. If you’re going to be with Dare, you have to accept who he is and support him the best you can, no matter how scary it might be. You know, when I met your dad, he wasn’t a biker who went to meetings every Tuesday or on motorcycle rides with Tiny and the guys for hours at a time, and he certainly had never picked up anyone from prison or detention centers, like the Dark Knights do. He was a low-key guy, and we had hopes of opening a bookstore and coffeehouse one day. But when your grandfather offered him the bar, I saw something in your father’s eyes that I’d never seen before, and I realized that if we’d followed through with our plans, I might never have seen the extra light he still carries. As you know, your father has faced some tough cookies at the bar and through the club. But that club has become our family, and we’ve both loved every minute of working at the bar, and now you’re carrying on our legacy.”
“Thank God you didn’t open a bookstore,” Billie said.
“I would love to run a bookstore and coffee shop. Maybe when Daddy retires, he and I can open one,” Bobbie suggested.
“Now, that’s an interesting idea. Maybe you should plant that seed with him.” Their mother reached across the table and touched Billie’s hand. “Honey, I know you’re in a difficult place, but I can’t give you the answers you’re looking for. Only you can decide what you’re willing to accept. Maybe it’s time to think about talking to someone about everything you’ve been through.”