“Maybe the sex was that good,” I disputed, feeling how flimsy and awful the claim sounded. The sex was phenomenal, but it wasn’t what kept me going back, willing to risk everything.
It was him.
“Keep telling yourself that,” she scoffed.
The sound of the door opening made me jump to it, my mouth dropping in shock.
Addison, still in her dress, bags in hand, wrestled through the front door.
Harper heard my sharp intake of air.
“What?”
“Addison is here,” I muttered, my lashes blinking faster.
Harper let out a relieved noise, her voice thick with emotion. “Oh, thank god.” She sniffed. “Call me later, okay?”
“Okay.” I hung up, standing up from the sofa, facing my niece. “Addison—”
“I haven’t forgiven you yet,” she blurted.
My head bobbed. “Okay.”
“And I’m home because if I spent one more day at Elena’s, I would be in jail for murder.”
“Probably only juvie. You’re not an adult yet.”
I could see Addy trying to hold back a thread of amusement, instead shaking her head with annoyance.
“I still can’t believe what you did.” Her eyes watered. “It still hurts to look at you.”
“I know.”
She gathered her bags, walking into her bedroom, and I followed quietly behind her.
She tossed her stuff on her bed, kicking off her heels, her back still to me. “I kissed Mateo tonight.”
“Oh,” I responded, not ready for the turn in conversation. “That’s good, right?”
“No.” She swung around, her eyes blazing. “Because he was at the dance with Janel. She likes him… a lot. But seeing them together… kissing. I wanted to throw up.” Addison’s hands rolled up. “He and I were talking at Elena’s party, and I kissed him.” She threw up her arms. “He’s Mateo! He’s my buddy, but suddenly I looked at him and thought, damn, he’s hot. How did I never notice that? And realizing I didn’t want her to have him.” Addison sat back on her bed, a tear sliding down her face. “I took off… because Janel is my friend, and if she found out. She’d hate me. And suddenly I realized I was no better than you.”
Ouch.
“Addison, I lied to you because I didn’t want to hurt you, but I was also lying to myself because I didn’t want to admit what I felt.”
“She asked me point-blank if it was okay if she asked him, and I said yes, that we were only friends.”
“Oh.”
“It was strange. I saw them laughing and having fun, and when I saw them kiss? Something shifted, and I realized I wanted to be the one he was laughing with. It was always us together. Not her.”
“I’m sorry Janel will be hurt, but she has to know Mateo is completely head over heels for you.”
“You think?”
“I know.” I leaned against the doorjamb. “And so do you. Sometimes it takes the idea of losing someone to wake us up.”
Her gaze lifted to mine.
“Is it how you felt with Mason?” Hearing her say his name immediately made me want to put up walls. Deny. But the only way forward with Addison was if I was completely honest with her.
“Yes.” I swallowed. “Though I think I knew way before.”
“Me too.”
“Talking about Mateo or me?”
“Both.” She dropped her shoulders. “Looking back, I see how obvious it was now. You two were drawn to each other from the beginning. How many times I would see him looking at you. Near you. Coming here all the time, even more when I wasn’t here. The looks or smiles you’d share when you thought I wasn’t looking. You guys couldn’t seem to stay away. I mean, even the first time I introduced you to him, he stared at only you.” She shook her head, pain flickering her featured. “The way he looked at you. It was so clear. It was how I wanted him to look at me. I should have seen it then. Though, I think I did, but I just didn’t want to acknowledge it. I feel so stupid now.”
“You are not stupid. Do not blame yourself. This is completely on me. I made bad choices. I kept the truth from you.”
“It’s on him too.”
I tucked my arms against my ribs, nodding with acknowledgment.
“I want to know.” She pressed her mouth together. “Would you do it again?”
“Hurt you? No,” I replied adamantly.
“That’s not what I meant.” She shifted on the bed. “Take me out of it. Would you still be with Mason if not for me?”
Once again, my mouth didn’t move. I wouldn’t lie, though the truth still felt too harsh to say out loud.
Addison didn’t need my confirmation. My expression must have given her enough.
“I thought so.” She wiped at her eyes.
“I never ever wanted to hurt you.” I fought back my own tears.
“I know.” She used the back of her hand to mop up her eyes again. “And I feel so hypocritical sitting here after kissing Mateo though he was with Janel and still being so hurt about Mason.”
“You have every right to be.” I could barely get out my sentence. “I betrayed you. And I am so sorry.”
We stayed silent for a long time, Addison staring at the wall, taking in everything.
“Grace told me about his heart transplant. That they almost lost him.”
“Oh.” I tucked my arms against myself. I never got around to telling her, though I figured she knew something. “I’ll let you get some sleep.” I stepped out of her doorway. “I’m glad you’re home.” I reached for the knob, about to shut her door.
“If it matters, when I saw him earlier, he looked miserable.” It took her a lot of strength to get that claim out. “I think Mason really likes you. Actually, I think he’s in love with you.”
All I could do was nod at her before shutting the door.
I went straight to my room and cried.
The week went by, slipping into routine. Addison and I weren’t even close to where we used to be. Her anger would flare up in moments, her hurt in another, but every day I worked at making it better between us. She started to talk to me more about Mateo. They hadn’t really talked since the night she ran out after they kissed, and I knew she was missing him. I think she didn’t realize how much he was in her life. It wasn’t Sophie or Elena who was her best friend, it was Mateo.
One topic we avoided was Mason though he was constantly the elephant in the room. Always there, either unsaid or in my thoughts.
No matter how much I forced a smile and tried to pretend everything was all right, it seemed to get harder. I couldn’t get over this empty feeling in my heart. Even when I was playing with the cats or out walking the dogs, it was always there—sodden and heavy with sadness.
Today was cold but sunny, and I was taking the pack to the dog park. Millie had been adopted, so I had Ozzy, Poppy, and Stella, all full of energy and ready to play.
Honestly, I couldn’t say if I was aware or it was just my subconscious, but I found myself near his house, my feet leading me back to the source of my pain like he could fix it.
The garage was open when I walked by. Holding my head high, pretending my heart wasn’t bleeding and my soul wasn’t screaming for him.