“What do you think, Valaria?”
She blinked as she realized that Bernadette was speaking to her and that the entire table was watching her, expecting some kind of response to whatever was being asked.
“I apologize,” she said, and didn’t have to force her blush. “I have been caught woolgathering, I fear. What was the question?”
“Charades, Your Grace,” the Duke of Lightmorrow said, his tone gentle. “We were debating what activity would be best for after supper entertainment and Etta was asking your opinion on charades.”
Valaria cast her glance again at Callum. He was gliding a finger along the rim of his glass, his posture as uncomfortable as her own felt. If she had to go into a parlor with him and play games…oh, she wasn’t certain she wouldn’t combust with all the tangled emotions going on inside of her.
She sighed. “I do love charades. Though I wouldn’t say I’m the best at them. But…I’m afraid I must be the worst guest. I have not been out in company for so long, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. And it’s led to a headache. I would not ask that the other duchesses leave the fun, but I think I should return home.”
Flora was seated on her left and she caught Valaria’s hand. “Oh dearest, you should have said something earlier. Being out in company must be complicated for you. Mourning is not an easy thing. We shall escort you home. I’m sure the gentlemen understand.”
Callum’s mouth tightened slightly, but he inclined his head. “Of course we do.”
Lightmorrow nodded. “We shall be bereft without your feminine company, but somehow we will soldier on until the next time we are together.”
Bernadette laughed softly at his playful words, but Valaria couldn’t bring herself to do the same. She hoped that would be taken as a reaction to her pretended headache and that no one would feel the tension now coursing between her and Callum.
“Let me have your carriage fetched,” Theo said, casting a quick look down the table at Callum. He got up and the ladies did the same, which made Callum move to his feet, as well.
He cleared his throat as he came around the table toward her. “Let me escort you, Your Grace.”
He held out a hand to her and she could hardly breathe as she thought of how those same outstretched fingers she had felt clenching against her back as he held her so gently such a short time before.
She swallowed and took his hand, allowing him to tuck her fingers into the crook of his arm as they followed the others from the dining room. He moved slowly, and soon they were a few strides behind the others.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Valaria,” he said softly, his voice rough.
She shook her head. “It…we ought not speak of it.”
He stopped at the entrance to the foyer where the others were gathered, chatting as they waited for the carriage the ladies had traveled in together.
“I think we must.” He released her and turning to face her straight on.
She stared up at him, into those pale brown eyes that were so filled with guilt and desire. Such a potent mix. Such a dangerous one. And yet the fact that she saw that he still wanted her was…thrilling.
“But not tonight,” she said.
He shook his head and glanced toward their friends. “No. Most definitely not. Tomorrow?”
She shut her eyes briefly. There was no way to avoid the conversation. And perhaps this could play in her favor. If this man felt guilt for betraying his late friend, would that not end his drive to take care of her? Protect her?
A little regret stung her at that thought, but she pushed it aside. It was for the best. A man like the Duke of Blackvale would find out her secrets eventually if he stayed near her. She couldn’t let that happen.
“Tomorrow is fine,” she choked out. “Call on me at eleven. I’ll be ready for you.”
The carriage pulled up then and she moved away from him, feeling his presence at her back with every step. He took her hand to help her into the carriage behind Bernadette and Flora, his gaze holding steady with hers when she settled into her seat. His warmth still tingling her palm even when he released her and shut them in for the short ride back to Kent’s Row.
She drew her first full breath since the kiss once they began to move.
“Seeing how rattled you are, I think we ought not to have pushed for this night out,” Flora said, taking her hand. Valaria almost wished she hadn’t, because it lessened the impact of Callum’s touch.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Valaria said. “I assure you.”
“Did…did something happen on the terrace when Blackvale went to check on you?” Bernadette asked softly.
Valaria tensed. And there it was. She had tried so hard to hide what she felt, but she’d failed. She sighed. “It’s nothing. Just my…my mistakes have come to roost.”
Flora’s brow lowered in concern. “I realize we are new friends, but I hope you know you can talk to us about whatever is going on.”
Valaria looked at them, both leaning forward on the edge of the carriage seat across from her, looking nothing but truly concerned for her welfare. What a strange thing to find when she’d spent the last two years of her life feeling so isolated.
And she wanted, in that wild moment, to tell them everything. To fall into their friendly arms and lighten her burden. But she couldn’t, just as she hadn’t been able to when she felt that desire to connect with these two women earlier. After all, the lightness would be temporary and it would only lead to more anguish for all involved.
“I-I’m being silly. Overwrought thanks to a headache,” she whispered. “Don’t concern yourselves.”
Bernadette reached out and gently covered her hand. “One day, perhaps, you’ll be more comfortable to share your troubles. But until then, is there anything we can do to help?”
The carriage was slowing as it reached the Kent’s Row neighborhood. Valaria placed her free hand on top of Bernadette’s and smiled at her, then at Flora. “Not yet. But perhaps soon?”
Her willingness to allow for a future where she might let them in seemed to appease her friends. Flora mercifully changed the subject to the delicious soup that had started their meal earlier in the evening, and Valaria relaxed as much as she could when thoughts of Callum haunted every corner of her mind.
Tomorrow would come, and sooner than she hoped for it. She had no idea what would happen when she was alone with him and they talked openly about the shocking kiss that she could still feel against her tingling lips.
But once she had, she might need friends at that point. For advice…and for protection from the desires she didn’t want to feel and the man who inspired them.
Callum stepped back into the foyer and found Theo waiting for him, arms crossed against his chest, one eyebrow arched in judgment.
“What did you do?” he asked before Callum could even close the door.
Callum sighed. “Something I think you would approve of. Rake that you are.”
Theo’s eyes went wide. “I can think of nothing you could have done that would be rakish while we were all gathered at a supper together. Unless…” He trailed off. “You didn’t.”
Callum swallowed. God, he hated how observant Theo was. It was unforgiveable in these circumstances when he didn’t really want to have to confess what he’d done. “What is your guess? I’ll tell you if you’re right.”