She looked back at the door, which was still open. “I…I don’t know my new servants well enough to be comfortable having this conversation so openly.” She motioned for the terrace doors. “Would you take a walk in the garden with me?”
He inclined his head. “It’s a fine day. I would be pleased to walk with you, Your Grace.”
She shifted at the softness to his tone. The way he moved toward her, as if he would offer his arm. She ignored it and moved to the terrace doors to open them into the surprising warmth of the late spring day. He said nothing, but followed her out and down the short steps which led to her small garden below.
Yes, this seemed a safe option for their conversation. They wouldn’t have to talk openly in front of someone who might whisper her secrets, but they wouldn’t be in a closed room that would certainly feel too confined after their previous encounter. Out here she could control him.
She glanced at him, walking beside her, hands clasped behind his back. No. No one would ever control this man. But she could control herself. And that would have to be enough.
Callum could feel the tension coursing through Valaria even though she was trying to pretend to be relaxed and comfortable. It was in the stiffness of her shoulders, the way she kept fluttering her hands from one position to another as they walked through her garden.
He drew a breath. “It’s a pretty place.”
“What?” She looked around. “I-I suppose it is. I’ve been so consumed by organizing inside, I haven’t spent much time out here.”
She stopped, and together they took in their surroundings. The well-maintained crushed gravel pathway was buffeted by lush green grass and bushes and lined by daffodils and tulips that had likely only bloomed in the last day or so, thanks to the warmer weather.
“It is lovely,” she murmured, almost more to herself than to him. But then she glanced at him, though she didn’t meet his gaze. “I-I do find it hard to believe that you would be nervous around me.”
He realized she was answering his question from back in the parlor and drew a long breath. “And why is that?”
“Because you are well-known for your prowess with women,” she said, and her cheeks flamed with high color. He couldn’t help but mark the prettiness of that pink even though her answer troubled him.
“Well-known? I…who said that?”
“Silas,” she burst out, clenching her hands at her sides. “He made a point to ramble on about it endlessly any time you came up in conversation.”
He wrinkled his brow, hit by both confusion at this answer and his irritation that followed. Why in the world would Silas bring up Callum bedding women to his wife? A lady. A lady who clearly didn’t want to hear those stories, true or not. It seemed untoward and rude to her to do so. Plus, it had clearly colored her view of him.
She sighed. “So how can one little kiss with me make you nervous?”
“There is a vast difference between being a little rakish now and then with ladies who appreciate a man who plays that role and kissing the widow of one’s best friend just months after his death.” He shook his head. “To—to corner her on a terrace to kiss her after you told her you wanted nothing from her.”
She stared up at him, her expression confused now. “You—you act as though you forced me.”
He shifted. She had kissed him back, but that didn’t necessarily mean he hadn’t gone too far. “Did I?” he whispered.
She shook her head immediately. “No, Callum. You didn’t.”
He tensed. That was the first time she had used his given name with any warmth and he felt the power of it work through him. There was sudden tension in the air, very much like the tension that had hung between them the previous night. And in that moment he saw a flutter of…desire cross her lovely face. Desire that called to his own.
And it was so very wrong.
He took a step back, creating the space he hadn’t been strong enough to create before. “I-I was still incorrect in how I handled myself,” he said, to himself as much as to her. “You are in mourning. Si was my friend.”
“And he’s dead,” she said, more sharply than he had expected. “There is no betraying him anymore. If there ever was.”
“What does that mean?”
The desire was gone, replaced with the fear that she had always exhibited when he approached her. Like she had gone too far. She glanced away from him. “You are correct that we shouldn’t have kissed. It was a lapse in judgment, one I must never repeat, Your Grace.”
He swallowed. “I will admit to you that I am more disappointed than I should be.” Her eyes widened, but he continued before she could say anything. “But I will respect your wishes, Your Grace.”
“You will?” Her voice was so small, so laced with disbelief that he drew back. Was she so accustomed to her desires being stomped over that she couldn’t believe he would allow her those boundaries?
Or was her disbelief solely about him?
Either way, he didn’t like that she had no faith she would be listened to.
He stepped even farther away. “I’ll give you some space now,” he said. “Because I fear I’ve taken up too much of your time as it is. Thank you for seeing me today. And excuse me.”
She still looked utterly confused at his retreat. She opened and shut her mouth as if searching for something to say but coming up with nothing.
He took a few strides toward the house, but then stopped and looked back at her. “I-I do hope that if we see each other, you might still call me friend. And not avoid me.”
She looked into his eyes and nodded. “Of course. Good—good day, Callum.”
“Valaria,” he said, and then walked away from her with the knowledge he might be walking away for good.
Valaria entered the foyer in time to see Callum riding off the drive and onto the street. Riding away from her. She shivered at the image of him vanishing onto the busy road, gone…perhaps forever.
“Higgins said the duke left almost as fast as he came,” Fanny said.
Valaria turned to find her maid stepping off the last stair with a relieved expression. “Y-Yes. I was expecting an ordeal with him today, but he…he only apologized and then left.”
“Apologized?” Fanny repeated. “For what?”
Valaria froze. She had not told her maid about the kiss. They might be close thanks to what they had endured together, but she was not of a mind to reveal something so personal even to her.
She shrugged. “Just something a little untoward that happened last night at the supper at his home. Nothing of note.”
Except the kiss was certainly of note. And so was this afternoon when Callum had respected her wishes without so much as an argument. She’d almost…wanted one from him. Wanted him to say that he didn’t want to walk away from her.
“If he was untoward and apologized, does that mean you have found the key to getting rid of him?” Fanny asked, hope in her tone.
“I think so,” Valaria breathed. “I don’t think the duke will darken our doors again.”
She said the words and heard Fanny’s murmured, “Good.” Her maid said something else before she walked away, back to her duties, most likely, but Valaria didn’t hear any of it.