“Unless she doesn’t allow them to forget,” the duchess said. “And my dear, it is not only your reputation at stake. Perhaps you can forfeit a life in public, but Blackvale here will also suffer. Especially if she implies he moved in an untoward fashion and took advantage of you in your grief. Perhaps even before your husband was in the grave.”
“But he didn’t take advantage!” Valaria burst out. She faced him. “You never took advantage.”
“A fact that will not play with the masses quite as well,” the duchess pointed out. “And while the affairs of rakes may be ignored in many circumstances, this one could damage him.”
Valaria’s expression became stricken and Callum’s heart hurt. This was not what he’d ever wanted for her. What he’d ever wanted an affair with him to do to her.
“May I have a moment with Valaria?” he asked without looking away from her.
The duchess nodded. “Of course. I shall return to the party and ensure that no one is the wiser. Though I would suggest that you return separately when you do come back.” She leaned in and squeezed Valaria’s hand. “I do like you, my dear. Don’t be a fool.”
With that she exited the room. Callum followed her to the door and shut it, this time locking it. “No further interruptions,” he said softly.
She nodded but didn’t move toward him. She just stood in the middle of the room, her hands clasped before her. She looked so small in that moment. Like she’d shrunk in her humiliation and guilt and shame.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
She glanced up. “She is right. You are the one who will be hurt by this. I should be the one who is sorry.”
He shook his head as he moved toward her. She stiffened, but didn’t withdraw when he took her hands in his. He stroked his thumbs across her knuckles gently and stared down into those remarkable blue-gray eyes.
“This isn’t what I wanted,” he began. She drew in a sharp breath and he hastened to continue, “I want to be with you, Valaria. I have never given much thought to marriage beyond a duty that I must perform, but when the duchess suggested it was the best option to mitigate the scandal, I knew that was exactly the future I desired. With you. But I didn’t want to force you into a position where you had no choice. I have realized over the past few weeks that it’s a position you’ve been in far too many times.”
Her breath exited in a shaky exhalation. “I had the choice to kiss you in a place where we could be caught. I knew the risks, the reckless nature of surrendering, and I did it anyway.”
He touched her face. “Why?”
She blinked. “Because I can’t resist you. I…I…”
She hesitated and he held his breath. Perhaps she would tell him that she cared for him. Perhaps she would give him part of that lovely heart that she guarded so jealously. But she turned her face instead.
“If you wish to marry me when my mourning is over, I will do it,” she whispered. “For your sake. But if you change your mind before the next nine months are over, I won’t be angry with you. I won’t ever judge you for that.”
Slowly he cupped her cheek and turned her face back toward his. He smiled at her, gently, carefully. “I won’t change my mind,” he whispered, and bent his head to kiss her.
She let him, lifting against him, although this time with much less abandon. When their mouths had merged for what felt like far too short a time, she stepped away and he allowed it.
“Will you tell anyone?” she asked.
He nodded. “Theo. And if it’s brought up to me because of Lady Pittsgreen, I will do as the Duchess of Amberleigh suggests and spin a very romantic tale of how comfort turned to affection.” He drew a short breath. “And it will be true, Valaria. What I say will be true. I said this to you before and I say it again, without expectation of you returning the sentiment: I love you. And I will do everything in my power throughout the remainder of your official mourning period to show you that we can make a happy life together.” He moved to the door and opened it. “You return first. I’ll wait a few moments and follow.”
She nodded shakily and headed for the door. There she paused and looked back at him. “I'll do my best, Callum.”
“Your best will always be enough for me.”
She didn’t look convinced, but left the room. He watched her go, his heart soaring with the realization that he had a future with her now. And sinking because, yet again, she had not responded to his declaration of love.
He feared she might never be able to, because whatever secrets she kept inside were the kind that would stand between them, even when nothing else did.
Valaria shifted as she and Fanny walked back from the Duchess of Amberleigh’s later that afternoon. How in the world she had managed to survive the remainder of the gathering, she would never know. It was all a blur, punctuated by moments when she looked across the room and found Callum there, both a settling influence and also a disruptive one.
She would marry him. There was no other choice. And she had so many conflicting emotions in her chest, she could scarce parse them out. But chief amongst them was absolute terror.
“You have the strangest expression, Your Grace,” Fanny said as they reached the house. “Is there anything I can do?”
Valaria sighed. She would have to reveal what had happened to her maid eventually. Now was as good a time as ever. “Come into the parlor,” she said while they entered the house and she smiled at Higgins.
Fanny did as she had been instructed and Valaria paced across the room, worrying her hands before her as she tried to find a way to reveal the truth.
It seemed being forthright was the only way that came to mind.
“I…I have agreed to marry the Duke of Blackvale.”
Fanny pivoted and rushed to the door. She slammed it shut and faced Valaria again. “You cannot do that, Your Grace. You cannot!”
Valaria bent her head. “I understand your fears—”
“Do you? Could you?” Fanny interrupted. “We both were involved with what happened to your husband that night. We both played a part. And there is no way that the Duke of Blackvale won’t figure it out eventually, either by seducing the truth out of you or putting the pieces together himself, especially if you are married. And where will that leave us? You’ll be protected, won’t you? His name will protect you, at the very least to subvert a scandal. But a servant like me?”
Valaria moved toward her. “I would never allow you to be accused.”
“You say that, but in that moment when you could protect yourself? You have no idea what you would do. Or what he would do, this man who was Gooding’s closest friend. You cannot guarantee my protection if you become Duchess of Blackvale.”
“Fanny,” Valaria began, but before she could finish, Higgins knocked on the door.
“The Duchesses Tunbridge and Sidmouth have arrived, Your Grace,” he said through the door.
Valaria glanced toward the barrier. “Show them in after a moment,” she called out. As they heard Higgins shuffle away, she took Fanny’s hands. “I do understand your feelings, but there is no stopping the inevitable now. I was foolish enough that it cannot be avoided.”