Fanny’s nostrils flared. “Oh, Your Grace,” she muttered.
Valaria pursed her lips at the censure. One she surely deserved. “I-I’m sorry. And you may not believe me, but I will do all in my power to protect you.”
Fanny didn’t look like she believed that. She lifted her chin, clearly holding back a great deal because of her position. “I hope that is true. May I be excused?”
Valaria hesitated a moment. She wanted to say so much more, but she could see her maid was upset. She deserved those feelings. And perhaps after a little while, she would calm down enough to continue the conversation. “Of course.”
Fanny stepped away and exited the room just as Flora and Bernadette entered. Both women glanced toward her, but then refocused on Valaria. It seemed she would be sharing her “good” news with everyone all at once today. And she could only hope her friends would react better than Fanny had.
“We were so worried,” Flora began as she moved to embrace her.
“You looked positively sick this afternoon at the Duchess of Amberleigh’s gathering and you have not been yourself for days,” Bernadette said. “Oh, please, Valaria, won’t you trust us? Tell us what is going on and how we can be of help.”
Valaria shut her eyes and let out a ragged sigh before she motioned to the settee, where she took a place, her friends on either side of her. And then she told them what had happened at the party earlier in the day. And what would happen because of her reckless abandon when it came to Callum.
“Married!” Flora and Bernadette declared together when her story was over.
Every time she heard that word, it felt like a bell ringing in her head. Joyful and warning all at once. A cacophony that blanked out all other thought and sound and breath.
“Yes,” she said, bending her head. “What else is there to do? The duchess was correct that Lady Pittsgreen could hurt Callum’s reputation by telling her sordid tale of finding us together. And at least if we marry, it will look as though it is an undeniable love that brought us together.”
“As opposed to…” Flora encouraged gently.
Valaria shook her head as she got up and paced away. “It was only supposed to be an affair,” she said. “It never would have come to this if we hadn’t been so irresponsible.” She glanced at them. “What you two must think of me now.”
Bernadette snorted less than delicately. “What I think is that you deserve happiness and it is clear that you are drawn to Callum. That he could make you happy if you allowed him.”
There it was. The thought she always chased away whenever she dared to have it. That Callum could make her happy. That she was happy when she was around him, perhaps for the first time in years…decades.
“He…he told me he loves me,” she whispered. “Twice.”
Flora caught her breath, and she and Bernadette swiftly exchanged a look. “It is clear that is true,” she said. “On every line of his face.”
Valaria nodded slowly.
“What did you say to him?” Bernadette encouraged.
“Nothing,” she admitted on a shaky breath. “Both times I simply pretended he hadn’t said it. That those words couldn’t exist.”
Flora covered her hand. “Why? Is it just the timing? Or the fact that he was such a close friend to your late husband?”
Valaria worried her lip. She couldn’t tell the truth to these women who had become such dear and powerful friends to her. For Fanny’s sake, as much as her own. But she needed their counsel, even if they didn’t truly understand her motives. “It is impossible to fully open my heart to…to anyone I care for if I am lying to them.” She hesitated. “Isn’t it?”
Bernadette’s expression softened. “Are you lying or keeping secrets?” she asked gently. “They are not the same thing. Your secrets may be your own.”
“What if they are both?” Valaria asked. “How in the world could I ever be happy with him, be happy with anyone, let him love me…if I am a liar?”
Flora considered the question a moment. “My late husband was many years older than I was,” she said at last. “And though many thought it an odd match, or a mercenary one, the truth was that we loved each other. And in that love, we found safety to be ourselves and to tell our secrets. Callum does love you, of that I am certain. And your secrets…or your lies…would be safe with him, I think.”
“At least you would know for certain if you confessed whatever you are so afraid of to him,” Bernadette said. “He seems a gentle person.”
“He is that,” Valaria whispered as memory after memory of just that tenderness came through her mind. “But what if he hates me? What if this changes how he sees me?”
“Then we’ll work something else out,” Flora said without hesitation. “We will make sure there is another path for you that doesn’t involve a man who can’t accept you for everything you are.”
“Indeed,” Bernadette said. “We’re not so helpless as we might have been before our marriages. Our widowhoods give us money, independence, freedom. We won’t let you lose those things.”
Valaria stared at the door Fanny had gone through before. “Would you…would you protect Fanny if it came to that?”
Flora drew back a fraction. “Good God, Valaria. These must be dangerous secrets, indeed, for you to ask that.”
Valaria didn’t answer, and after the silence hung for what felt like a lifetime, Bernadette took her hand. “I promise you, we would protect Fanny if it came to that.”
Valaria stared at her two friends and tears filled her eyes. “You two have become so precious to me in such a short time.”
From either side, the women hugged her, and for a moment they were nothing more than a blubbering mass. But at last they all laughed, wiping tears and trying to pull themselves back together.
“If we are not here for each other, then nothing else in life is worth anything,” Flora said.
Valaria nodded. She had not always believed that, or thought it possible, but now those words felt very true. And for the first time she felt brave enough to attempt to make Callum understand her hesitations.
Now she just had to figure out how to tell him before her bravery fled.
CHAPTER 20
Callum was not expecting visitors when the bell rang after supper that night. He lifted his head from the letter he was writing in the study and listened. It was likely Theo, which was fortuitous, since he was writing his friend to arrange a meeting so he could confess his future marriage.
But it wasn’t Theo’s voice that floated down the hallway toward him a moment later.
“…apologies…so late…in?”
The broken words were in a feminine voice and one he recognized instantly.
“Valaria.” He pushed his chair back with a screech and hustled around the desk to the hallway. He made his way toward the foyer and met her and his butler halfway.
Both she and Morris looked startled by his appearance, but the butler rallied admirably. “The Duchess of Gooding, Your Grace,” he said.
Callum looked at Morris. “That will be all, thank you.”