“What the fuck do you mean Paul pushed himself on Donovan?”
His eyes blink rapidly as his mouth drops open in surprise, but it’s replaced by worry just as quickly. “Oh shit. Hold on. You weren’t…she didn’t. Oh fuck. I thought she told you, man.”
His hands come up in front of me in surrender as I push my chest against his, backing him up. His eyes dart to Caroline before he looks back to me, and I pivot to look at her horrified face, pointing my finger at her.
“You knew about this? And conveniently left it out, I bet?”
Her eyes drop to the ground, but she’s lucky I have bigger fish to fry. My head swings back to Kai, whose brows are drawn, lips pressed into a tight line.
“Grey, man…” He motions to Caroline. “She couldn’t have told you—she was off the rails last night. She probably didn’t even see it. Come on, calm down.”
Calm? Donovan is my calm, and now I know that last night, at a club I made way too easy to go to, she was hurt. I was willing to let Liam beat me as a consequence for hurting her today. Paul won’t get the luxury of just a beating. I’m going to kill him.
“I’ll handle you later,” I bellow over my shoulder at Caroline and smack my keys down into Kai’s hand before meeting his nervous eyes.
“We need to pay Paul a visit.”
Ringing. That’s all I hear. Like my eardrums are blown out. My head shifts heavily as I look from person to person. Everything on a lag. Nothing makes sense. I keep shaking my head, but I can’t seem to focus. My feet are moving, I think, but I don’t know where I’m going.
I twist my head to the right and see Liam speaking animatedly to someone in a cheap blue uniform. My head swings left to Kai’s face, lips moving, but I can’t hear him. A sharp pain courses through my body as he presses and shoves me by my shoulder, trying to stuff me inside Liam’s SUV, but I push back against him.
Why is he trying to put me in the car?
My thoughts are all garbled, unconnected. It feels like the time I blacked out but times a hundred. Blacked out. My eyes shoot down, finally seeing it. Everything pulls into focus. Blood. It’s everywhere. My shirt. My hands. Splattered across my shoes.
My breath is coming out faster as I look, opening my blazer to see my shirt stained in it. Holy fuck. What did I do?
“Get in the fucking car, Grey,” Kai growls, successfully pushing me into the back seat.
My body rocks sideways as he slams the door. I open my mouth to try and find my voice as he positions himself in the front passenger seat, clicking the door shut, but have to swallow before I speak.
“Kai…” I croak out. “What the fuck happened?”
My hands start to shake, waiting to hear the worst. I remember my last thoughts before I came to Red Oak. I wanted to kill him for what he did to her.
“You raged. You beat the shit out of Paul Hearst. In the middle of his class. They have to take him to the hospital. And then when his friends came for you, you kept going.”
Flashes filter into my mind as he speaks, and I wish I could say I felt bad, but I don’t. That prick deserved every single hit.
“Nobody could stop you, Grey. Jesus. This is going to be all over the news. What the fuck were you thinking? I thought you were going to kill him. Fuck. Grey. This is bad.”
The reality of what I’ve done, the much bigger gun I just loaded, points directly between my eyes. I fucked my entire future. It’s over. The thought begins to weigh me down, but it’s quickly erased by another. Fuck that. I’d do it all again. All of it. Nobody touches her. Not ever.
My head falls back onto the seat as Liam gets in and throws a towel at me.
“Don’t get blood on my seats.”
“Fuck you,” I gripe, taking the towel and wiping my face.
“Fuck me?” he yells, turning in his seat to look at me. “I just saved you. They wanted to arrest you, you dumb prick. I bought you time, smoothed it all over for now with a big wad of cash. You should be sucking my dick.”
I didn’t ask him to be here. I don’t need his help. Not ever again.
“Like Donovan this morning?” I smirk, tossing the towel back.
Liam barrels over the middle console and halfway into the back seat, reaching for my neck, but Kai pushes him back as I slap his hand away viciously. Kai pats Liam’s shoulder as Liam emptily stares out the front windshield, anger roiling off him. His shoulders are hunched, the whites in his knuckles bright from strangling the steering wheel. The tension is so thick you’d have to chop it with an axe.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Grey?” Liam growls to the dash. “You’re self-destructing. Trying to take everything with you. Is that what all of this was about today? You think something fucking happened between me and Donovan?”
I stare at him, unable to fucking speak the words. I don’t ever want to say them aloud. He takes a long inhale and lets it out slowly, shaking his head.
“Nothing has ever happened past…” He pauses, and I know what he’s referencing. “Past kissing. I don’t know what you think you know, but you’re dead wrong. Unfortunately for me, brother, that girl only really loves one of us. And it isn’t me.”
My fists curl into tight balls. Even now he’s fucking lying.
“I saw her with you this morning…” His eyes meet mine through the mirror. “She was wearing your clothes. Don’t tell me what I know.”
Caught. Done. Go to hell. I don’t need you or anyone.
He turns to face me, disbelief gracing his face. “I can’t believe this. She came over to tell me about Paul…because you weren’t fucking speaking to her like the asshole you are. She spilled coffee, Grey. I gave her those sweats, so she didn’t have to sit in stained, wet clothes. What the fuck, dude? You’ve torn the walls down from the city. All over her? Because you thought you lost this morning?”
He says that like it’s not worth it. To destroy everything until she loves me back or I stop caring.
“Not lost. Lost her.” I fucking love her. And I messed everything up.
My body aches. That’s what I get for trying to go through Kai and Liam. Even Paul and all his lackeys couldn’t contain me, but these two, that was another story. They tossed me in my room and told me to sleep it off, refusing to let me out until I either exhausted myself by destroying it or the liquor ran through my system.
I’m still far from sober, but I’ve never been more clear. So now I’m here at one in the morning, having slipped away from Liam and Kai, locked in my brain and finally facing my reality—no future. No future with her. No fucking reason anymore.
Nothing to lose.
The plastic fuel can rocks in my hand as I empty out the contents, dousing the bark and the big thick roots that bulge up from the ground.
This is where it all began—our demise. So it’s fitting to come back here for closure.
This goddamn tree. The place she sits to watch me row, knowing my secrets and my dreams. The place where she hid to kiss my best friend because she wanted to deny me. The place where I picture her, long hair sweeping off her shoulder when the breeze hits, making her smile. Eyes hiding behind her big glasses as she blows me a kiss when she thinks I’ve done something to be proud of.