Everything I’d been through over the past three years, the loneliness, the exhaustion, the hours upon hours of studying until I couldn’t see straight, suddenly felt like an unbearable weight, when only that morning, I’d been able to happily carry it. None of it was worth the effort I’d so painstakingly put in. The struggle to get out of bed most mornings, missing my mom and Lyla—missing Zachary—had been for nothing.
Because everything I’d thought I was proving to myself—and yes, to him too—was all in my head.
For three years, I’d been living in some stupid fantasy world. Deep down, I’d thought if I could accomplish everything on my own, show Zachary how capable I was, then maybe one day he’d truly see me.
That I could be worthy of him.
It was all a joke.
Humiliation and hurt swirled inside me, making it impossible to see as I blinked back tears. Leaning against the wall, I struggled to control my pain. But while the sting and pressure behind my eyes eased, anger rose in my chest, even as I tried to deny everything I’d just learned.
Each short step to the office doorway was excruciating. Leaning against the doorjamb for support, I waited for him to notice me.
Sitting behind his desk, sipping on his favorite bourbon that I knew cost nearly ten grand a bottle, he looked like he didn’t have a care in the world. Like he hadn’t just threatened a man’s life only moments before. He’d gotten comfortable since returning home. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows, and the top four buttons were undone, exposing his chest. Every inch of skin he’d uncovered was branded with dark ink.
When he was at work, he always kept his tattoos hidden, but when he was in the Underground, he displayed them like trophies.
As a besotted teenager, I’d been entranced by how easily he moved between the two worlds and ruled them both so effortlessly. The elite political judge. The terrifyingly beautiful founder of the Underground, king of the Sons. Every command he made in either world was carried out without question, for fear of the consequences.
“Brent Tabor oversees the majority of my scholarships.” That seemed like the best place to begin, and maybe—just maybe—he would tell me that I’d gotten it all wrong.
I’d never wanted to be so wrong in my life as I did in that moment.
But he tilted his head, his voice bored when he spoke. “And I care…why, again?”
Angry with myself for thinking, even for a second, that he wasn’t a cocky sonofabitch, I slammed my hands onto my hips. “I heard everything, Zachary.”
“Heard what?” I hated him for how calm he was, how undisturbed his tone was. For breaking my heart for the second time in a single night. And I hated myself for giving him that kind of power over me.
“Everything!” I shouted. “How long?”
“How long, what?”
“Don’t,” I snapped, my anger turning to full-on rage. “Do not sit there and act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. How long have you been feeding the accounts?”
He gave me a careless half shrug. “How long have you been in college again?”
“No,” I found myself denying, still unable to completely admit how blind I’d been. “No, I got scholarships through the university. My grades, my achievements, all the volunteer work. Even the internships I did for the two summers before college. My SAT scores were nearly perfect. I worked hard and deserved those scholarships, damn it.”
Zachary nodded in agreement. “I’m well aware.”
“Then why the fuck were you talking to the man who is my scholarship representative? Why were you threatening him about missing funds?”
“That’s my business.”
He was so enraging. I tried to stop myself, but the scream still erupted from behind my clenched teeth. Throwing my hands in the air, I stomped away, knowing it was better for us both if I wasn’t around him when I was so tempted to kill him. But I only got a few steps away before I changed my mind and turned around. Hands on my hips, I glared at him.
He simply licked a few drops of bourbon off his bottom lip.
“You’re insufferable, Zachary.”
Chapter 12
Ellianna
As soon as he stood, I felt a change in the room. A ripple of awareness skittered down my spine, leaving goose bumps along my skin. His eyes never left me as he walked around the desk, his strides almost lazy.
It suddenly felt too hot in the office, my skin burning more and more with each step closer he came. Instinct told me to run, but my feet remained glued in place, my body responding only to him and not the voice in my mind screaming “danger.”
Heat pooled between my thighs, a pressure building in my core and pulsing, while my heart rate jacked up as he neared. My nipples pebbled, scraping over the rough confines of my bra with each labored breath I took.
I wanted to slap his face for making such a fool of me, for pitying me, for making me so beholden to him. This was not how I wanted to be linked to him for the rest of my life. Now, instead of paying back a financial institution, I’d be repaying Zachary. Every last dime, with interest. I wouldn’t rest until it was all returned. Even if I had to find a way to extend my life until I no longer owed him so much as a penny.
He lifted his hand before he reached me, his scarred knuckles caressing down my cheek until he grasped my chin in a surprisingly tender grip. I gasped at the little zings his touch caused within my body, like micro-explosions on my nerve endings that were exhilaratingly uncomfortable.
The smart thing to do was pull back, kick him in the balls, and walk away.
But I’d already proven how stupid I truly was. There was no use in denying how incompetent I was now.
And damn it, I was still starved for physical contact.
No, that was another lie I’d told myself.
I was starved for him.
His nearness. His touch. His praise. His approval.
I wanted it all. I fucking needed it.
From the glitter in his eyes, I wondered if maybe he was just as hungry for me.
He didn’t say a word as he lowered his gaze, watching his thumb skim up to my bottom lip, press firmly into it, and then rub back and forth. I felt my lip plump, and without realizing what I was doing, I touched the tip of my tongue to his rough skin. I heard his sharp inhale but was too consumed by how good he tasted to think about what was happening with him.
He lifted his other hand and gently tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear before his fingers played across my flesh. But in a flash, he wrapped his huge hand around my throat, turning me, urging me backward until my ass hit the edge of his desk. A brief shot of fear mixed with the burning between my legs, causing my panties to become soaked with my arousal.
Zachary might be a heartless asshole who had done nothing but break my heart for years, but a part of me knew he would never physically hurt me. Even when his temper became explosive, he’d never been violent toward Lyla, my mom, or me.
No, the hand around my throat wasn’t meant to hurt me, but to remind me what I’d always known.
He was in charge.
And from the way my thighs were coated with my need, I liked the way he had chosen to drive that fact home.
He tightened his fingers around my throat, pulling a whimper from me. The feel of his skin on mine was too good, but not enough. I wanted more.