“On purpose?” Paul looked horrified.
“No, by accident, at a party the night I got there.”
“What did you tell her?” He looked panicked.
“I told her I was sorry, for all of it. And I meant it. I had no right interfering in your life. I should have left you to work it out with her. Maybe you will now.”
“What did she say?”
“She was incredibly nice, and warm and gracious. She seemed fine about it, and she said it has worked out for the best. But I’m sure she cried blood until she got there. I love you, Paul. But I don’t love what we did, or what it led to, or what I’d have to do to stay in it with you. I’d have to sit around forever waiting for you to get up the guts to get divorced, and maybe forever, or maybe you’ll go back to her and break my heart. Or if I stayed, I’d have to run around driving car pool for someone else’s kids.”
“That’s her job, not yours.”
“It may not be hers anymore either if she’s starting a catering business. She won’t have time. So you’ll be running around too, which is right. You should. They’re your kids too, and she says she’s done it all for nearly twenty years. I don’t want to. I’m out of the running. I think I already was when I left for Paris. I’m going back soon. I don’t want to let this drag on. I figured it out while I was away, after I saw her. I wanted to tell you as soon as I got back. She’ll be home in a week, maybe you can still work it out with her. I’m sure she still loves you. And she seems like a lovely person. I liked her. And I felt guilty as hell as soon as I saw her and talked to her.”
“She’ll never forgive me for what we did.” He was still trying to pull her into it, which she thought was inelegant of him. He wanted to blame her, as much as himself, or more. He didn’t want to face up to what he had done, which Olivia didn’t like. It wasn’t an attractive trait and she realized now that he was weak, and a coward in some ways. At first he had blamed Eileen for the ills in his life, and now he was blaming her.
He stood up then and looked at Olivia. He could see that she meant it, and nothing was going to change her mind. It terrified him that the two women in his life had met.
“I’m sorry, Paul. Truly,” she said and stood up. They faced each other for a moment, and then he turned around and walked out of her apartment. He didn’t try to kiss her, or tell her he loved her. She didn’t know if he did, but she knew she didn’t truly love him anymore. Not enough to stay with him. She hadn’t in a while, and didn’t want to say that to him. She heard the door close softly and then he was gone.
She was sorry for an instant, and then she wasn’t. She knew she had done the right thing, for a multitude of reasons. She would have done it even if she’d never met Jean-Pierre Muset. This was about Paul and her and Eileen and no one else, and everything she had said to Paul was true for her. She was sorry she’d ever done it. She thought that they were madly in love, his marriage was dead, and they had a future, and none of those things were true. They were in lust, not in love. His marriage was still alive and breathing then and still was now. They never had a future. It was an affair with a married man, and nothing more. A mistake, and something she should not have done. Now it was over.
She felt like she could breathe again when she unpacked her suitcase. He didn’t call her or text her or tell her he was sorry. He was gone. Out of her life forever, which was what she wanted.
* * *
—
Olivia had dinner with her mother and grandmother the next day. She told them about her alliance with Jean-Pierre Muset, and her grandmother knew who his father was. Gabrielle also reminded them that she was having a show at the MoMA in May, of recent work, and she was pleased about it.
Gwen had read a very strong script while Olivia was in Paris and was excited about it. A well-known producer was already putting the project together and she wanted the part she’d been offered. It was a powerful role she could do a lot with. So they each had an exciting new adventure ahead.
At the end of the evening, Olivia told them that she had ended it with Paul, and that she was relieved she had. Both women were pleased. She didn’t tell them about Jean-Pierre because nothing had happened yet, and maybe never would. But he was a much better choice for her than Paul had ever been. She was never going to get involved with a married man again.
Chapter 13
Eileen came home exactly as she promised she would, the day after her class ended. She was sad to leave the school and the professors, and the people she had met. She was especially sad to leave Hugo. He had become a good friend, and they promised to stay in touch.
She had earned her diploma, it had been one of the most exciting experiences of her life. She had also collected valuable information from the various chefs about how to establish her catering business. She could hardly wait to get started, and was planning to do so in the next few weeks. And she was eager to see her children, whom she hadn’t seen in five weeks.
She had sent Paul an email to let him know what day she’d arrive, and what time she would land, so he could organize his own departure from the house before she got home. She assumed he would leave when he went to work in the morning. She didn’t expect to see him when she returned, nor did she want to. She was planning to call him in the next day or two to let him know that she was filing for divorce. She was ready, and it was time. And she liked the idea of taking action herself, since he hadn’t since he left.
She was due to land at JFK in the early afternoon, and would already be home when the kids got back from school. She knew the boys had baseball practice and Pennie had a yearbook meeting that day, so she would have time to unpack and get organized. Pennie had just learned that she was getting an award for her community service at the homeless shelter.
The car she’d ordered dropped her off at home at two-thirty, and she smiled as she walked into the house. It felt good to be back, although she already missed Paris and her life there.
Her freedom was over now. She’d have no time to herself, and she’d have to be doubly organized to start her business and still be as present as possible for the kids. She was planning to look for an assistant immediately to help her set everything up.
She was thinking about all she had to do as she walked into the house, and gave a start when she heard a sound and saw someone walk toward her. She heaved a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Paul.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were a burglar.” It was nice to see him, but unexpected.
“I took the day off.” He carried her suitcase up the stairs for her, and she followed him to her bedroom. Everything was in perfect order, and he had taken his things. He had cleared his papers out of the office. The house looked familiar and friendly and blissfully neat. The apartment in Paris had been harder to take care of, and she’d had to do it all herself.