“I already have, for six months. Long enough to know that we’re doing the right thing ending it. It ended long ago. We just need to bury it now, and rebuild our lives.”
“I want to rebuild our life, together.”
“I don’t.” She couldn’t say it to him more plainly. “I want a divorce.”
“Our kids want us together.” He was trying everything he could and none of it was working.
“Pennie will be gone in five months, and the boys in six years. I’m not giving my life up for that. I already did. They’ll get over it. We’ll both be happier after the divorce, which is better for them.” She stood up then, unwilling to continue the conversation any longer, or to wait until it turned hostile. She was finished. “I’ve got to unpack and get organized,” she said gently but firmly.
“Don’t give up on us, Eileen, please,” he was begging again.
“You gave up on us, Paul. If Olivia were still willing, you’d be out of here in five minutes flat. And I’m not willing to wait till another one comes along. We’re over. Finished. Done. Now please go home.” He walked out of the office without saying another word, and lumbered down the stairs like an angry bear. He had been rejected twice in the space of a week. She watched him walk out the front door without turning to look at her, and she reminded herself to have the locks changed. She didn’t want him letting himself in whenever he chose.
He texted her five minutes later, “You’re a bitch!” She looked at it and shook her head. And that was the guy who wanted her to try again because he loved her so much. She had made the right decision, and he had to figure out his own way now. She was grateful that he’d given her the time to go to Cordon Bleu, but their marriage was long over, and all she wanted now was to bury it.
* * *
—
She had dinner started when the kids came home, and it smelled delicious. Mark and Seth threw their arms around her, and they waited for Pennie to come home to sit down to dinner. It felt like a real homecoming to all of them.
She got another text from Paul later that night, “I’m sorry.” She hadn’t answered the first one, and didn’t respond to the second one either. It was time to let go, and she had. Now he had to figure the rest out for himself. She was sure he’d have another woman in his life soon, but it wasn’t going to be her.
* * *
—
She called her attorney the next morning after the kids left for school, and got the ball rolling. He said he would send her the papers to sign that afternoon. They decided to send them to Paul’s general counsel, rather than waiting for him to hire a divorce attorney. She called a locksmith to change the locks that day. Paul didn’t live there anymore, and never would again. She realized it had probably been a mistake to have him stay there while she was in Paris, but it was the only way she could have gone. And it was done now. She told her children that night that she and Paul were getting divorced. They were disappointed but not surprised. Pennie told her after the boys left the kitchen that she thought Eileen was doing the right thing.
“Thank you, sweetheart. That means a lot to me. So do I.” She hugged her, and everything felt right.
* * *
—
Eileen was well aware of the tension her daughter was under from the moment she arrived from Paris, and even a few days before. Her college acceptance letters were due any day. She had already heard from NYU and Columbia, which were her backup schools since she didn’t want to go to college in New York. The big three she was hoping for were Harvard, her first choice, Princeton, and Yale. She wasn’t sure about Duke or Dartmouth. Duke was a great school, but she didn’t want to spend four years in North Carolina, it was too different from the world she knew. And Dartmouth was more of a jock school, and seemed better suited to men, in her opinion. Pennie remembered how anxious Tim had been until he heard from Stanford. She felt that way now, on tenterhooks until the mail came every day.
She hadn’t heard from any of her top choices yet. She knew good news came in fat envelopes with a packet of forms to fill out for her acceptance, housing, financial aid. And bad news came in thin envelopes with a single sheet, “Although your application and transcript were very impressive, we regret to inform you…” Many of her classmates had already been rejected by their first-choice schools.
She heard from Princeton first, a few days after her mother got home. She had a friend drive her back to the house at lunchtime, so she and her mother could open it together. The envelope was a thick one, and Pennie’s hands shook as she tore it open.
“This is so much better than doing it with you on Skype. I’m glad you’re home.” She grinned at Eileen as she unfolded the pages.
“Me too.” Eileen had tears in her eyes as she watched her. These were such important moments in her daughter’s life. And then Pennie let out a scream and danced around the kitchen and hugged her mother.
“I got in! I got in! I got in! Yessss!” She had guessed from the thickness of the packet, but you could never be sure. Pennie never took good news for granted.
“Will you go?” Eileen asked her breathlessly, shaking herself, wondering if Pennie’s order of preference had changed.
“I want to wait and hear what the others say.” She had until May first to give them her answer. And then the schools would whittle down their lists, and move on to offer places to the students on their waiting lists. Pennie called her father and told him, and he congratulated her. No one had turned her down yet.
Duke’s letter came the next day. They were coming in rapid succession now. Duke had declined her, saying that they had had nearly double the qualified applicants for the spaces available, and many worthy students had to be turned down. Pennie didn’t care, she hadn’t been enthusiastic about it. And she felt the same way when Dartmouth declined her too. She knew it wouldn’t have been the right school for her.
Yale wait-listed her, again due to increased applications. She had one letter left to receive, the one she cared about most. It arrived five days after Eileen’s return, on a Saturday. Pennie hadn’t called to check, she was at a yearbook editorial meeting, and they were struggling to get all the material on time. She got home at six o’clock, and Eileen was cooking something that smelled delicious. She wandered into the kitchen, and her mother pointed to the kitchen table without a word. Her answer from Harvard was sitting there. Pennie stared at it, afraid to touch the letter or open it.
“Oh my God, what’ll I do?” she asked her mother with huge eyes.
“Well, we could have it framed the way it is, unopened, and keep it the biggest mystery of your life.” Her mother smiled at her. The envelope was thick, which should mean good news, but Pennie didn’t want to assume anything and be crushed if they declined her. She picked it up in her hands and just held it for a minute, and then tore it open and squeezed her eyes shut.