“Next stop, El Paso!” Diego said when turning the ignition. He grinned at Ricky. “You ready?”
“Can we stop by my house for more clothes?” he asked. “I only packed an extra outfit.” And he was wearing it. “I could sneak in. And get some other stuff too.”
“Not worth the risk,” Diego said. “I’ll buy you whatever you need.”
An entire wardrobe? And what about his favorite pillow? He never slept as well without it. He thought then of his childhood stuffed animal, a plush lion named Rory whose fur was threadbare from so much love. Ricky would never see it again. Not until he was a legal adult. Three short years, he tried to tell himself as they drove down a dirt road.
“What’s El Paso like?” he asked.
“Nothing like Kansas,” Diego said vaguely. He glanced over and must have noticed Ricky’s worry, because he added more details. “They’ve got mountains. Not like what you’re probably used to from Colorado. We won’t be skiing, but the Rio Grande is nearby, so there’s some green.”
“Only some?” Ricky asked. “Is it in the desert or something?”
“Yeah,” Diego said as they turned onto a paved road, “so there won’t be many trees to scare you there. El Paso is pretty laid back. And cheap. Feels kind of like someone took a Mexican town and dropped it in Texas. I don’t speak much Spanish, but I always leave there knowing more.”
Ricky tried to imagine it all and couldn’t. He found the prospect intimidating. But at least they wouldn’t be completely on their own. “What’s your grandma’s house like?” he asked.
Diego laughed. “It’s like a one-bedroom apartment.”
“That’s it?” Ricky cried. Which of course made him sound like a spoiled rich kid. “I mean, will there be room for us?”
“Yeah. Her couch is a foldout bed. I’ve crashed on it plenty of times. We’ll be fine.”
Would they though? Ricky thought of the chess dream again and decided to confront it. The car was a rook that could move across the board as far as it needed to. They'd make it down to Texas and then…
“Does you grandma know that we’re coming?”
“She’ll be cool with it. I just show up sometimes.”
“But not with me. Will she be okay with that?”
“Stop worrying,” Diego replied. “You’re gonna love her.”
Okay, so assuming all of that went as planned, they would live with his grandma. He imagined castling, a chess move where the king was placed safely behind a row of pawns capped off by a rook. “How long will we be there, do you think?”
“Until we get our own place maybe?” Diego shrugged. “I have enough to put first and last month’s rent on somewhere cheap.”
“Don’t you have to be eighteen?”
“I don’t know,” Diego replied, starting to sound grumpy. “But not everyone is obsessed with rules. I’ll find somewhere that’ll take us.”
Even if he did, what sort of place would that be? The kind that took in drifters and junkies? Last night he had imagined them living in a humble downtown apartment next to railroad tracks. Now he was picturing a sunbaked motel out in the desert. Although maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. As long as they were together, they could make anything nice. Like a cave. Which had been a much more romantic notion before he’d actually spent an entire night in one. But they had to start somewhere, and assuming all of that went well…
“How old do you have to be to start your own business?” he asked.
“I’m not getting into bed with a bank, if that’s what you’re asking.” Diego took the on-ramp that led to the highway. “I’ll work for someone else until we’re on our feet.”
“I still want to graduate high school,” Ricky said.
“That’s fine. Like I said, I’ll take care of you.”
He imagined the king leaving the safety of the castle as it went to work each day. Ricky felt small like a pawn and pictured himself venturing out into the board all alone. He would have to start at a new school. Make new friends. And no matter how that went, he wouldn’t be able to go home each day to the comfort of his bedroom and all his familiar things. Like his computer. It would be a long time before they could afford a new one.
Still, it wouldn’t be all bad. His mother wouldn’t be there to boss him around anymore. Or to bake cookies. Or to take care of him when he was sick. His dad wouldn’t nag him to mow the lawn or take out the trash. Or make dumb jokes in an effort to cheer him up when he got moody. Which always worked, even when Ricky didn’t want it to. Nor would he have Anthony to turn to for advice, or Omar when he needed someone to goof off with. Thinking of Cameron’s friendly face was enough to make his heart ache. Which was strange, because yesterday he had felt like Diego was all he needed, no matter the circumstances. Being with him should be enough! But it wasn’t, and Ricky was getting freaked out. Especially with each highway exit they passed, taking him farther and farther away from the world he knew.
“Do you know how to cook?” he asked.
Diego snorted. “My mom sure doesn’t, and I never starved to death.”
“Okay.” He found himself searching for another reason, one good enough to turn the car around, because all he saw now was a white pawn surrounded by black pieces. Bishops, knights, a queen… So much could go wrong, and the side of the board he had come from would be distant. Impossible to reach on his own. He didn’t even have a driver’s license yet! Ricky was hungry, he smelled bad, and he wanted nothing more than to return to the safety of his room. Even if he was grounded there. Or banished to his grandparents’ house in Seattle, which sounded better than living in some strange woman’s apartment out in the desert. His heart was pounding as he stared at the person behind the steering wheel. The guy who used to show up to school drunk and had nearly burnt down a house on a whim.
Diego finally noticed him looking. “What?”
“I can’t,” Ricky croaked.
Diego’s brow furrowed. “Can’t what?”
Ricky swallowed, his throat constricting. “I need to go home.”
Diego shook his head. “I told you, I’ll get you anything you want. We can stop somewhere if that helps.”
“I’m not like you,” Ricky said, his voice trembling. “I need my parents.”
Diego eyed him a moment longer before turning his attention to the road. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” Ricky said, struggling against the lump in his throat. “I don’t feel safe.”
Diego scoffed. “Right. I forget sometimes what it’s like to have a false sense of security. You’ll get over it. Like I did, because there is no safety net, Ricky. I know you think there is, but it’s bullshit. An illusion. What’s your dad going to do if a drunk driver runs you over when you’re walking home from school? What are you going to do if your parents get cancer and die? Jack shit, that’s what! You aren’t safe now. And you weren’t safe before. Nothing has changed. It’s all in your head.”
These weren’t the comforting words he needed. He thought of Cameron again. “I’ll miss my friends.”