“They aren’t worth much,” Diego grumbled. “You really think they’re going to be there when the shit hits the fan? They won’t. I know, because we’re talking about the same fucking people!”
He was wrong. Omar had been there for him after his suicide attempt. Anthony had been too ever since. He thought of how Cameron had logged into a chat room each day when Ricky was grounded, just so he’d have someone to talk to. Even though Cameron surely had better things to do, like hanging out with his boyfriend.
“People change,” Ricky tried.
“Human nature doesn’t,” Diego shot back.
“I’m scared. I want to go home.”
The car swerved onto the shoulder and came to a halt so suddenly that his chest strained painfully against the seatbelt.
Diego’s face had twisted up. “You want to bail on me?”
“No!” he said, knowing how much that had hurt his boyfriend in the past. “We’ll see each other again. At the end of summer.”
“I can’t go back to Pride,” Diego said.
“Not right away maybe,” Ricky said, trying to find a solution. “You can still visit your grandma in El Paso. And when you come back—”
“Nothing will be different!” Diego snarled. “Anthony was right: Graham’s dad is a lawyer and will make sure I get the book thrown at me. This isn’t my first offense. If I go back there, ever, then I’m fucked. They’re gonna lock me up. And your parents sure as hell won’t let me see you again, no matter how long we wait.” He grabbed Ricky’s hand. “I know what you’re scared of. It’s gonna happen eventually though. Nothing lasts forever. People come and go. But not us, okay? We found something.” His grip constricted, hurting Ricky’s hand, but it was nothing compared to the needle stabbing his heart. “Me and you,” Diego said, his voice raw with emotion. “That’s what it’s all about. But we’ve gotta get out of here, right now, because if we don’t, they’re gonna tear us apart.”
Ricky stared into cinnamon eyes that were wet with tears and vulnerable in a way he’d never witnessed before. He wanted to give in to them and tell Diego to slam his foot down on the gas pedal and never look back. But he couldn’t. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Diego’s face went slack. Then he released Ricky’s hand and withdrew to his side of the car. “See what I mean?” he asked as he shifted back into drive. “Nothing lasts forever.”
“That’s not true!” Ricky cried.
“Then prove it.” Diego slowed at the next exit but didn’t seem hopeful. He stared right at him and said, “Tell me to keep going.”
“Can’t we talk about it?” Ricky tried. “We’ll park somewhere and come up with a new plan.”
“We’re either together in El Paso, or we don’t get to see each other again.” Diego’s voice was monotone. Detached. “That’s not some shitty ultimatum. It’s the facts. So what’s it gonna be?”
He didn’t wait for an answer. Diego took the exit and drove across the overpass to get back on the highway—toward Pride.
“We’ll get our own lawyer,” Ricky said. “One who can make sure you don’t do any time.”
“Won’t matter. They’ve got a taped confession.” Diego scoffed and shook his head. “That’s what I get for caring.”
Instead of letting Anthony take the fall. If only Ricky could do the same for him. “That’s it!” he said in excitement. “The detective said that if you didn’t turn yourself in, they’d make an example of me. But what’s the worst they can do? I’m only an accomplice. It would be my first offense. So I would probably be put on probation, right?”
“With a pissed off lawyer involved?” Diego replied.
“Okay, so maybe I’ll have to do a little time, but that means my parents can’t send me to Seattle. Once I get out, you can come back and everything will be fine.” Aside from his parents refusing to let him see his boyfriend again, which was a sure thing.
“Have you even been to juvenile hall?” Diego asked.
“No. Have you?”
“Yeah. It’s full of bad guys like Graham Fowler and me. They’d eat you alive. You think you’re scared of El Paso? That’s nothing. You really don’t wanna end up in a place like that. Not even for a week. Trust me. So whatever you do, don’t take the blame.”
“Yeah, but if it helps you—”
“Don’t,” Diego repeated. Then he reached for the radio and turned it up. Loud enough that it was impossible to speak.
Ricky racked his brain, desperately trying to think of a better plan. None of them could get around the taped confession and Diego’s damning past. By the time they reached Pride, he was starting to second-guess himself. El Paso was a good idea. For one of them, anyway, because even as they navigated the streets to his house, Ricky couldn’t work up the courage to change his mind. He would rather face the consequences here than start a new life somewhere else. But he also didn’t want to lose Diego.
Ricky lowered the volume when they reached his street. “Are you mad at me?” he asked.
“At myself,” Diego replied.
“Don’t be!”
“I’ve gotta learn sometime. That I hadn’t already is pathetic.”
Ricky could guess what he meant. The world was a cruel place and Diego had allowed himself to hope. After feeling abandoned for so many years. “I’m not bailing on you,” he said.
“Uh huh.” Diego pulled over at the end of his block. “Get out.”
Ricky didn’t move. “I know you’re disappointed,” he said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t go through with it. But I really do love you.”
Diego turned to him, his lips twitching into a snarl, as if he was barely able to suppress his rage. “That’s why I hate about those fucking words! People always use them as excuse.” In mockingly upbeat tones he said, “Sorry I can’t be there for you, but hey, I sure do love you!” Diego’s eyes narrowed into hard cruel lines. “Get the fuck out of my car.”
Ricky’s chin trembled. “I don’t want to leave like this!”
“GET OUT!” Diego roared. He reached into the backseat, grabbed Ricky’s backpack, and tossed it at him. When he still didn’t move, the car peeled out down the street and came to a screeching halt in front of Ricky’s house. Diego laid on the horn and didn’t let up, one long droning honk that announcing their presence to the world.
“Don’t!” Ricky shouted, not wanting him to get caught.
Diego continued to glare at him, a white-knuckled fist still pressing the horn. Ricky finally climbed out, barely able to stumble away from the Trans Am before it shot down the road, tore around a corner, and disappeared from sight.
Ricky dropped his backpack to the ground and began to cry. He stood there in the middle of the road, wanting nothing more than to turn back the clock, to somehow find the courage to ask Diego to keep driving until they reached a fabled place where they could always be together.
He jerked in surprised when he felt a hand on his shoulder.