“But, and this is a big but, if he wanted me, why wouldn’t he try? It would be so easy for us,” I say slowly, trying to hide the fact that we’re sleeping together and things are about to get complicated if I can’t stay patient. I want to, I do, and I’m already in too deep. It’s not as if I can give him up and move on. I would lose my best friend and the love of my life. I have to remind myself of that before my impatience gets the better of me.
“Sure, but like I’ve said before, he would fall so hard for you. I think he is telling you this, and keeping you at arm’s length, because it’s easier. But when it’s too much to handle, when you tell him you love him, he’ll find that he can’t keep doing easy. He’ll want hard, as long as it’s with you.”
I swallow as I look away. Her words give me hope, but I’m not naïve. If he can stay with someone he never loved because he didn’t want to give away his heart, how can being with me not mean the opposite? It does, and I’m pretty sure that will make him continue to keep me at arm’s length. At this point, he’s a pro at it. I know he doesn’t want to lose my friendship, and I’m sure he enjoys having sex with me, but giving me his heart is a whole other ball game.
One I don’t think he knows how to play. Or wants to play, for that matter.
No matter how great of a teammate I’ll be.
The joy on Asher’s face as he drives his car for the first time in weeks is downright adorable.
Not only is he driving, but he is patchless. I gotta admit, I miss the damn thing. It was a nice reminder of what he did for me. Of how this started. But I don’t really think I can ever forget it. He bangs his fingers against the wheel as he sings loudly, bobbing his head left to right as we head to the studio Shelli rented out for this dreaded group dance. “If I have to do the ‘Can’t Touch This’ dance, I will riot.”
His laughter fills the car. “I’ll join.”
He takes my fingers in his, kissing the back of my hand as he sings loudly to the radio. I lean back in my seat, pressing my head into the headrest and watching him. This could be so much different from what it is right now. Yes, we’d ride to Shelli and Aiden’s thing together since we always do these things together. Before, though, I would have been longing for him, but now, my hand is in his, and if I wanted, my lips could be tangled with his too. It’s crazy, but it has my belly full of butterflies and my heart pounding in my chest.
I stroke my thumb along his hand and his lip quirks. I love when his lips quirk; it’s so cute and dorky but perfect. Everything just seems so damn right. I don’t know if it’s because I know he held back with Jasmine, but I worry he is doing the same with me. I almost want to ask what he is feeling, but wouldn’t that be weird? Would I have hesitated before?
I don’t think so.
“What are you feeling?”
His brows come in before he glances over at me and then back to the road. “What do you mean?”
“About me.”
He grins. “About you?”
“Yeah, it’s been a week. Is this still what you want?”
He scrunches up his face as he turns off the main road. “Why do you ask? Are you thinking you don’t?”
“Whoa, don’t try to avoid the question.”
He grins as he pulls into the parking lot of my aunt’s place, Reese Allen Dance Company. But instead of taking in the beauty of the studio I haven’t been to in years, I keep my gaze locked on the side of his face. “I wasn’t trying to avoid anything, just a bit taken aback that you’re asking. Have I given you any doubt for you to ask this question?”
He parks and then meets my gaze.
“No, but I just want to make sure.”
“I want this.”
I inhale deeply. “Okay.”
“Why?”
“I just don’t want you to hold back with me.”
His eyes narrow a bit, and then it’s as if it all dawns on him. He swallows hard and then exhales just as hard. “Am I cautious? Sure. But it’s all so new. Super-new territory, Ally.”
“I get that.”
“But I’m feeling pretty fucking good, Ally T. You make me happy.”
My heart flies out of my chest, and as if a firework just exploded above my head, I feel little angels, unicorns, and glitter floating around me as he holds my gaze. “Same.”
He winks with his bad eye, and I grin wider. It’s redder and looks awful, but for some reason, it makes the unicorns and angels floating around my head do the Macarena. “Come on. People are staring, and if I keep looking at you like this, I am going to kiss the shit out of you.”
My grin grows. “I expect that kissing later.”
“Oh, don’t you worry. It’s happening.”
I start to get out of the car. “I wasn’t worried.”
His laughter runs up my spine like a wave, knocking me hard in the chest. I love it.
Fuck, I love him.
He holds open the door, and we head inside. Of course, we’re late since I had to pick Asher up from his mom’s, and then we fought over who would drive. Then we got into it because I changed all his radio presets. But in my defense, I’ve had the car for a while, and I need to be able to listen to my music when I drive. He didn’t agree but then I kissed him, and he hasn’t stopped grinning since. Which makes me believe his words.
But my mind can’t shake the fear that he is holding back, and that’s partly my insecurities and partly his fault. I wish he had never told me about Jasmine. But then, we aren’t Asher and Jasmine, we’re Asher and Ally, and I think that means something.
Something great.
We are greeted by Shelli, Aiden, Wes, Posey, Amelia, and Boon when we enter. I go straight for Amelia, Posey and Shelli’s cousin, hugging her tightly. She looks amazing after having twins, but since she’s an ex-gymnast, I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less.
“I’ve missed you so.”
“Me too! You have to come visit Chandler and me in South Carolina,” she demands. I hadn’t even noticed her husband by the wall. I rush to him since he is wearing both babies on him. One on his chest and the other on his back. I gush over her beautiful babies, Carter and Hannah, before grinning over at him.
“Hey, Chandler.”
He gives me a dark look. “Nope, I was a fourth damn thought! It went Amelia, Carter, and Hannah before you remembered me.”
I laugh as I hug him tightly. “I’ll make it up to you.”
He scoffs. “Don’t know how.”
“Free babysitting when I come visit.”
He beams. “Done.”
We share a smile, but then I notice how white Posey is. My stomach aches with fear as I go to her, pressing my hands to her face but feeling no fever. “You look like death.”
She forces a smile. “Thanks, friend.”
“Are you okay?”
She shrugs. “No and yes. I feel a bit better, but I can’t seem to get back to me. I’m exhausted. I’m going to have to go back to the doctor after this road trip.”
“Maybe you should skip it?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s important, and my mom and Shelli are going. I can’t skip.”