While I was in the shower, Asher made me eggs and bacon.
This isn’t the first time he’s cooked for me—he’s actually a great cook—but it’s the first time a guy I’m sleeping with has made me anything. As I sit at the bar, eating, he moves around the kitchen, cleaning and putting things away. Before putting a piece of bacon into my mouth, I ask, “What are your plans for today?”
As he loads the dishwasher, he says, “I’m supposed to rest. And since I can’t drive, I guess I’ll be watching Netflix, bored out of my mind.”
I grimace. “That has to be hard. You don’t like sitting still.”
He shakes his head, looking as good as this bacon is. He isn’t wearing a shirt, just his gray sweat pants that hug his ass really nicely. His chest is so defined and thick. His hair is a mess and he probably needs to shave, but I like the rugged look of him right now. I actually like everything about him. Ah, who am I kidding? I love everything about him.
Don’t want to scare him any more than he already is.
“I don’t, which is why I’ll work out.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
He winks with his only eye, which is kind of comical. “Aw, you worried?”
I arch a brow. “You know I am.”
He leans toward me, and I meet him halfway across the breakfast bar for a kiss. “Same, sexy pants.”
I snort as he goes back to working. “Hey, can you go grab my phone for me?”
“From your mom?”
“Yeah, text and ask her where she is. She’ll let you know.”
I swallow hard. “Yeah, but won’t she know we’re together?”
He shrugs. “We’re always together, it won’t be anything new. I thought we didn’t care?”
I bite into the inside of my cheek. “I like the idea of keeping it to ourselves. You know, until we’re both sure.”
He gives me a sideways glance. “What does that mean?”
I look down at my plate. “I know where I am in this, but I know you aren’t there.”
He leans his hip into the counter, that one eye scrutinizing me enough for two eyes. “Okay? Where am I not at?”
I swallow hard as I meet his gaze. “You want me, I know you do. But I don’t think you’re fully on board with the idea of moving into a romantic relationship with me.”
He brings his brows together. “How so?”
I give him a dry look. “Asher, you kept asking if I was sure. You hesitated like a billion times, and you’re terrified. I can see it all over your face. You forget, I know you.”
He looks away, chuckling. “I don’t like that we were friends before this,” he says teasingly, and I grin. “I can hide things from people who don’t know me like you do.”
“Sorry, bro, but I love it.” His gaze moves back to me. “I know you say I’m worth the risk, but I’m unsure if you’re actually going to take it.”
He points to his room. “I just did the naughtiest things with you—”
“But that’s physical,” I insist. “I want the emotional, too.”
He narrows his eye. “There are emotions here,” he says, gesturing his hand between us. “I couldn’t have done anything like what I did in there if there weren’t.”
“Okay, but you’re scared of this—”
“No, I’m scared of losing you,” he says sharply. “And what it will do to not only me, but to you. Ally, you mean the world to me.”
My chest warms. “I know. Same.”
We grin at each other, but then his grin slowly falls away. “I need to be honest with you.”
His words come out of nowhere, and suddenly, I’m holding my breath. “Okay?”
Asher looks away, taking a deep breath as he kicks at the tile. I know that has to hurt, but he isn’t flinching. When he looks back at me again, his face is full of concern. “You have reason to feel all that.” I know I do, but I didn’t know he knew. “I didn’t love Jasmine.”
Okay, now I’m confused. “Huh?”
“I mean, I loved her in the sense that she was a cool chick and we got along, but I knew, with her, I wouldn’t get hurt. Or so I thought,” he says with a soulless laugh. I’m stunned in place, just watching him. I thought Jasmine was everything to him, but he did always keep up a relationship with me. All the time, even when they were together. “I know we all want our forever kind of loves, but for me, I wanted to be comfortable and Jasmine was there. Comfort. But I never looked at her and knew I was complete.”
My jaw is really hanging open now. I gather myself. “Really? Why? Why did you stay?”
“Because I didn’t have to try, because it wasn’t scary. I don’t know… It was easy.” He looks away once more, and I can see the tension in his shoulders. “I never wanted to put myself out there to get hurt, and while, yes, I was upset she was cheating on me, I wasn’t broken by it. I’ve said a lot lately and deflected even more because I wanted to hide the fact that I’ve never truly been in love with anyone.”
I blink. “You’ve never been in love?”
He shakes his head. “No, and I spent most of the night thinking about it. Honestly, I know my parents had their issues, and Aiden freaked me out from what he saw with them. But inside me, I feel that I never saw anyone but you, and I wouldn’t allow myself to feel anything for them. Just as I’ve kept all my feelings for you bottled up.”
“Asher,” I say slowly. “That’s not easy or even healthy. You have to let yourself feel what you feel.”
“But when I feel, I have the potential for being hurt,” he reminds me. “I don’t want to go through what my mom went through, and I sure as hell don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t,” I promise. “And as for your parents, look at them now. Shit, look at Aiden, who never wanted a relationship. You’ve always wanted one, but you were never in a loving one.”
Asher nods. “And knowing that this relationship can be that is holding me up. I’ve done my best to keep you as my best friend because I know I can fall head over heels for you. But what happens if one of us decides we want more?”
I can’t believe what I am hearing. “Asher, I know what I want. It’s you. There is nothing more than you. I’ve dated crappy guys because I know there is only one of you. And if I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone who’s anything like you.”
Asher leans on the bar, and I do the same, coming forehead-to-forehead with him. “I know you’re all in,” he whispers, staring at me with his one good eye. “And I want to be. But this, us, isn’t easy because I care what you think. I care what you do. I care who you talk to and don’t talk to. I care about you, all of you. You aren’t just some girl who is cool and fun to hang with. You’re the girl. The only girl I want to spend my time with. I want so desperately to believe that we can work and I can give you all of me, but I know you have the power to break me in half.”
I cup his jaw in my hand. “You just have to trust I wouldn’t do that to you.” I press my lips to his, and he melts against me. I don’t break our contact, but I do pull back some. “It’s that risk, Ash B. The one I’ve been telling you about constantly.”