“Yes … no,” I shook my head and gripped the wheel tighter, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I think anymore.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I understand.”
“I’m just trying to do the best thing for him while I still can. What else can I do, you know?” And right now, the best thing for him was to see my parents and me getting along. To see me happy and doing what was best for me, while keeping him at the top of my priority list. That’s what I’d been doing all week, by booking more appointments at the shop, letting him sleep over more often, and talking to Audrey on a nearly constant basis. I had even browsed a few realtor websites, pricing a few vacant storefronts in downtown Salem. It wasn’t in the cards just yet, but I knew the possibility would become a reality once my issue of ModInk was delivered to the stands. That was only a month away and it took everything in my power not to gnaw my fingernails down to the cuticle.
With all of the changes in my life, I was seeing more of a change in Jake, too. He was calmer and a little more settled. He hadn’t had a tantrum in days, a new record for him, and I was beginning to wonder if maybe Audrey really had been right all along. Perhaps my mood really did impact him to such a drastic degree.
Hell, maybe it was a twin thing, who the fuck knows.
I pulled into my parents’ driveway and parked the car. Audrey looked out the windshield at the house I grew up in, a smile stretched across her face.
“It’s nice,” she commented. “Is your room still here?”
I shook my head. “Nah, they turned it into a den after I moved out.”
She hummed thoughtfully, pursing her lips. “I bet it was really dark and gloomy.”
“I painted my walls black when I was fifteen.”
A burst of giggles heaved at her chest as she laid a hand over her heart. “That doesn’t surprise me even a little bit.”
One side of my mouth lifted in a lopsided smile. “My mom was so pissed, she took my laptop away for a month. So, I dyed my hair black and put that tattoo on my leg instead.”
The laughter in her eyes dimmed. “You’ve always butted heads with her, huh?”
I shifted my gaze to the steering wheel, sliding my hand over the plastic. “Yeah, but mostly since the accident. I mean, we do have our good moments, but they’re kinda rare.”
Audrey sighed, gazing out toward the house again. “I don’t know what that’s like. My parents were always great about letting Sabrina and me express ourselves, without letting us go too crazy, you know? Neither of us were up all night at house parties on the weekends, but they had no problem with Sabrina dying her hair blue.” A faraway smile tugged at her lips as she added, “Mine was pink. My mom took us both out to the salon for our seventeenth birthday.”
“You’re lucky,” I said, my voice graveled and hoarse.
She offered me a small, sad smile and said, “I know.”
***
Early November brought with it a chill that said winter was well on its way. Standing on the back deck of my parents’ house with Dad, I held my arms around my middle, keeping my leather jacket closed, as Jake and Freddy tumbled around the yard with Mickey. Mom and Audrey kept themselves busy in the kitchen, getting dinner on the table, and I hoped Mom wasn’t giving Audrey a hard time with snippy tones and obtrusive questions.
“You like this girl, huh?” Dad commented, puffing away on the habit he just couldn’t quit. With a tip of his head, he sent the cigarette smoke spiraling through the air. The smell reminded me of Cee and my limited experience in her bedroom. I didn’t miss it.
“Yeah,” I answered, seeing no point in denying it now. The last time I’d invited a girl to my parents’ house, I was in my early twenties and I had sworn that I’d never do it again. Apparently, I had lied.
“What about the kid?” It wasn’t the question itself that bothered me but what it implied. He wasn’t asking whether I liked Freddy but if I liked that Audrey had Freddy, and I knew what he expected me to say. But that wasn’t me. Not with her.
“He’s awesome,” I replied, grinning as Freddy tackled Jake and the two landed on the grass with an audible and probably painful thud. I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted, “Get him, Freddy! Tickle his armpits! He loves that!”
“No way, José!” Jake laughed and scrambled to his feet, running away with child and dog in tow.
“You better not hurt them, Blake,” Dad warned under his breath. “You have to be careful when kids are involved.”
“I know, Dad.” I sighed, knowing that he was only looking out for the woman and her little boy, but I wished that he could maybe look out for me, too. Maybe even consider how much it could hurt, break, or kill me to lose her, even after such a short period of time, and how much it would certainly obliterate my entire existence to be without my brother.
“What’s her story, anyway?” He stamped the cigarette into his trusty old ashtray, chuckling as his eyes clouded with nostalgia. “Remember when Jake gave me this thing? He had to have been, God, four? Maybe five? Those were the good ol’ days …”
I eyed the cheap, plastic piece of garbage. “Jake didn’t give you that, Dad; I did.”
He narrowed his eyes, settling deep in thought, and said, “Huh, I guess you did.” Then, he slapped the back of his hand against my arm. “So, anyway, as we were saying. Audrey. What’s her story? How’d you meet her?”
I shrugged, shaking away the sting of being forgotten, and said, “She came into the shop about a month ago to get some ink, and the rest is history, I guess.”
He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder and lowered his voice to say, “That girl has a tattoo?”
My chest rumbled with a chuckle. “Yeah. Believe it or not, she does.”
“Has she been married?”
I hesitated. If my mother found out Audrey had a child out of wedlock, she’d judge her, and I didn’t want to be the reason for that information being outed. But still, I trusted my dad wouldn’t pass it along, and said, “No.”
He nodded slowly, processing the information. “She was with Freddy’s dad, though?”
“Yeah, they were together for years,” I told him. “It was a mutual split, but they’re still really good friends. And actually,” I went on, choosing to divulge a little more information, “I met him the other day, on Halloween. His wife is Jake’s teacher. How crazy is that?”
“Get out of town,” Dad gawked, surprised. “That’s unbelievable. What a small world, huh?”
“Tell me about it,” I muttered, shaking my head.
We stood in silence, watching the boy, man, and dog all run around the yard with an envious amount of energy. I couldn’t begin to figure out how it was Jake and I could be the same age, when just the sight of him rolling in the yard and chasing a little boy around was enough to exhaust me. Then again, when was the last time I’d even tried?
So, with my arms still crossed over my chest, I headed toward the stairs and onto the grass. Jake stopped running at the sight of me, a startled expression marring his features. I met his gaze and unlocked my arms, widening my stance, and warned, “Better run, buddy, ‘cause I’m coming for ya.” But instead of taking off, Jake grinned with excitement and ran straight toward me, slamming his large body against mine. We fell to the ground and wrestled for a moment before Freddy piled on top.