I had wondered if maybe Jake knew the truth of what’d happened to Mickey and just went along with the story. But that was just one of those things I’d never know, nor did I want to know, so I’d just hugged him and let him cry.
To soften the blow of losing his dog, we had decided to have a second shot at Christmas, since Jake had missed it the first time around. So, before he came home, I brought out the tree that I’d neglected to put up in December, decorated the house with stuff Audrey picked up on clearance at Target, and on a cold day in mid-January, Audrey and I woke up early to make Christmas dinner. Again.
Now, after helping Jake to pee and dropping him off in his room to play with Freddy, I headed back into the kitchen to find that gorgeous woman, who I still wasn’t sure I deserved, listening to country music and mashing potatoes. She rocked her hips to the beat, singing along to lyrics about legends and Heaven or something like that.
“What the hell are we listening to?” I grumbled over her endearingly off-key voice.
“Kelsea Ballerini,” she answered shortly before continuing to croon and sway.
“What was wrong with my music?” I challenged, taking purchase against the counter beside her, crossing my arms over my chest and glowering down at the top of her head.
“Oh, nothing,” she replied innocently with a gentle shrug. “I just wanted to hear this song.”
“You just don’t like my music,” I accused teasingly.
Her blue eyes met my smirk. “I never said that.”
“Really? Then, you won’t mind if I just turn Korn back on?”
“Um …” Her lips pursed with consideration, and I laughed.
“It’s fine. You hate my music. That’s cool,” I brushed it off, feigning hurt and hugging my arms around myself.
“No, it’s just so, um … violent. And that’s not very Christmassy.”
Lifting my lips in a smile, I shook my head. “Why can’t you just say you hate my music? It won’t hurt my feelings. Believe me, I’ve taken worse.”
She let go of the potato masher, leaving it in the bowl, and her arms snaked around my waist. “I’ll never use the word hate when talking about you,” she said, resting her chin against my arm. “Even if your music does suck.”
“Wow,” I uttered on a long exhale, unwinding one of my arms to wrap it around her shoulders. She sighed at my touch and relaxed against my side. “Never’s a really long time. Quite the commitment.”
“It is,” she agreed, nodding as her lips slowly spread into a grin.
“I mean, if you’re willing to say something that crazy, maybe you should, I don’t know, consider staying here more often, or uh, leaving some stuff—”
“Kiefer,” she stopped me with my favorite nickname. “Are you asking me to move in?”
I shrugged in a noncommittal sort of way and replied, “Well, I mean, I didn’t actually say that, but if you wanted to take it that way …”
“And Freddy, too?”
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and sighed. “No, Audrey. I thought you’d leave him at your apartment alone until he’s ready to go to his dad’s place. Of course, Freddy, too.”
She nodded slowly and replied in a soft, quiet voice I could barely hear over Chelsea’s twangy singing—or was it Kelsea? “I like that idea.”
***
“We will never host another holiday,” I later warned her through teeth so gritted it was amazing they hadn’t shattered.
My small house, that Audrey had once described as cute, didn’t feel so cute right now, packed full with more friends and family than I ever realized cared. They had all brought presents for Jake and not an inch of space beneath the tree could be seen. The sight thawed my not-so-frozen heart just a little more, with the realization of just how lucky he really was. Hell, when I really thought about it, we were both lucky. Because despite it all—the accidents, the self-loathing, the proclamations of potential suicide, and the parents who once made their own suffering a higher priority than their kids—we had turned out all right. Jake was loved and so was I. And we deserved every fucking bit of it.
Still, I was never going to have another massive get together in my house, and I loudly repeated the sentiment to Audrey.
“Yes, we will,” she insisted, wrapping her arms around mine and seemingly enjoying this far more than I was. “Look at how happy he is.”
She was right about that. Jake’s grin outshone every bulb on the tree and could’ve easily been in competition with the sun. He loved all the attention and company, and that alone was enough for me to relent with a sigh.
With dinner already out of the way and dessert being handled by our mothers, I made the quick decision to slide my arms from Audrey’s grasp to lift my hand. I waved at my father, standing across the room by the front door, and after he caught my waving fingers, his head bobbed with a barely noticeable nod before he slipped out the door.
I stepped away from my girlfriend to perch on the arm of the couch beside Freddy, who sat beside Jake with his tablet, and I nudged the little boy’s shoulder with my knuckles.
“Hey, guys,” I said, grabbing their attention.
“Hi, Blake,” Freddy muttered, looking up from the game he was playing.
“Blake, Blake, Blake,” Jake chanted, pointing at the screen. “Freddy’s showing me how he plays. He plays real good, right, Freddy? You play real good.”
“Yep,” Freddy confirmed with a deep nod.
“Awesome,” I appraised. “But, hey, could you put the game away for a couple minutes? I think it might be time to do presents.”
Jake’s attention was immediately diverted with a clap of his hands. “Okie dokie!” He reached out toward the pile of gifts, not quite brushing his fingertips against the brightly colored wrapping paper and ribbons from his seat on the couch, and he groaned in frustration. His gaze whipped toward me with a hot demand scorching his eyes. “You told me to tell you when I needed help, like when I have to pee, and I need help right now!”
A murmured chuckle blanketed the room as I scrubbed a hand over my jaw. “Yeah, I’ll give you a hand in a second. But, uh, before it gets too late, I think my present really needs to come inside first.”
“What is it?” Jake’s excitement was urgent and contagious, and dammit, I couldn’t help feeling it myself. I’d been waiting over a week for this moment and I could hardly stand how slow my dad was being about bringing it inside.
But then, I saw his distorted figure behind the door’s glass, and I didn’t have to wait anymore.
“Okay, listen up, guys,” I said to both my brother and Audrey’s son, “I need you to keep your cool, got it? Don’t get too excited or loud or—”
The front door opened and Freddy jumped off the couch as he shrieked, “A puppy! Mommy, look! It’s a puppy! A real-life puppy!”
“I see that,” Audrey said through an unstoppable burst of giggles.
A sentimental hush laid heavily over the room as the squirming bundle of fluff cowered in my father’s arms for a moment as the excited little boy jumped at his feet. I felt a tightness in my lungs and I realized I hadn’t taken a breath since Dad had stepped inside. It all came out now in an exasperated whoosh, before I turned to look at Jake, to see his reaction and whether or not this was a good thing or if I had just literally ruined Christmas by essentially replacing his beloved friend. Even though that’s not how it’d felt to me, when I had visited the shelter.