Celia had told me a litter of puppies had just been dropped off and before I realized what I was doing, I was ditching work to check them out. I hadn’t anticipated becoming attached or signing any papers, but within just a few minutes of meeting the little guy, I knew he needed to come home.
Call it intuition or whatever.
Jake’s wary eyes were pinned on the puppy—a Border Collie and Labrador mix with the friendliest brown eyes I’d ever seen. His chest lifted and fell with short, shallow bursts of breath before his freshly-shaven chin wrinkled and began to quiver.
My gaze flitted quickly to find Audrey’s as my heart plummeted straight into my stomach, only to meet the back of her head as she knelt on the floor with Freddy. It was a fleeting moment of selfishness, but dammit, I needed her to turn around and see that I needed her help. I had fucked up. But what else is new?
But then, in a voice so small and quiet, Jake asked, “Is that puppy really mine, Blake?”
I turned back to him as my momentary panic startled to settle. “Yeah, buddy. He is. Well, I kinda thought we could all share him—you, me, Audrey, and Freddy—but he’s really yours.”
“Is he a real good boy?” A tear slipped from his eye and dripped from his chin. “Like Mickey? Like Mickey is in Heaven?”
I hadn’t planned on getting emotional, but fuck, it was hard not to. “Yeah,” I rasped through a throat too constricted to breathe. “He is.”
After a long pause and a careful assessment, Jake finally nodded and said, “I wanna hold him now.”
Dad carried the now-excited puppy over to the couch, sat beside Jake, and passed the little guy into his lap. My breath held still in my lungs as the anticipation of how they’d connect skittered through my veins. I guess I hadn’t quite realized how important this moment would be, and now that I was there, it was almost too intense. Almost too much. I felt like I was waiting forever for that little puppy to tilt his head and stare into the gentle gaze of my weeping brother, overwhelmed with a cocktail of happiness and grief. Then, he hopped up onto his hind legs, resting his forepaws on Jake’s chest, and his tongue lapped out to bathe Jake’s cheeks with kisses, and I relished in the relieved breath that could finally leave my lungs.
“I think he likes him,” Dad laughed, his eyes flitting toward mine.
The lump in my throat was burdening and I swallowed hard against it. “Yeah,” I croaked, grinning. “I’d say so.”
“What are you going to name him, Jakey?” Mom asked, making me aware that she’d been standing nearby, and for how long, I had no idea. When I looked at her, I found her eyes shiny with emotion and her hands clasped to her chest. Her gaze met mine and we shared a smile. She was trying, and so was I. It was the best we could do, and for now, that felt like enough.
“Blue,” Jake stated assuredly and sputtered with laughter when the puppy licked over his own lips.
Dad nodded thoughtfully. “Blue, huh?”
Jake hugged the puppy—Blue—just tight enough and turned to meet my gaze. He smiled softly, his eyes taking on that look I knew so well. His head nodded sagely and said, “Blue for you, Blake. Blue for you. Because you’re better. All better now. Right?”
My lips pinned between my teeth as I slowly nodded and replied, “Yeah, buddy. All better now.”
Epilogue
“THAT’S A LOT of candles,” I muttered to Jake.
“Because we’re a lot of years old,” he replied simply.
“You make us sound ancient.”
“Ancient means old.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “And you think we’re old?”
“Older than Freddy,” he pointed out, and with a snort, I replied, “Well, you’re right about that.”
Audrey hadn’t lied when she said she’d sing to me on my next birthday, though I’m not sure I ever doubted her. It didn’t stop me from wanting to run away though, when the enormous cake was laid in front of us. There had never been another time in my life when this many eyes had been on me, and I wondered if it was at all possible to crawl inside yourself and never come back out.
“Don’t look so nervous,” she practically scolded me as she lit each of the candles. The flames danced wildly, setting the cake aglow.
“I don’t look nervous,” I argued. “I look like I wanna get the hell out of here.”
“You’re going to get through it, and you’re going to be fine,” she insisted with a gentle smile. She finished lighting the candles and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
Then, in the only way she knew how, Audrey carried the crowd into an off-key, rousing chorus of Happy Birthday. I cast my gaze downward, away from every set of eyes pinned on my brother and me, and Jake slipped his hand into mine.
Everyone sang, and I lost myself in a distracting torrent of reflection.
What a year it had been. I had found myself, found love and a peace I never thought could be unearthed from the rubble of my life. And amidst it all, I had almost lost Jake … again. But he had come back to me, where he belonged, to live with Audrey, Freddy, and me. And for the first time since I was ten, everything felt good.
Damn near perfect in fact.
Audrey’s cool hand against mine brought me back to reality, sitting in the renovated Salem Skin, with all of our friends and family surrounding us at the front desk.
“Make a wish, guys,” she whispered.
“What should we wish for?” I asked Jake, and he scoffed.
“We can’t make a wish together, Blake. I make my own and you make your own. But we have to keep it secret. Don’t tell anybody your wish, Blake, or it won’t come true,” he lectured with adamancy.
“Jeez,” I muttered, shaking my head, taking in all the army of flickering flames. “Okay.”
Then, I took a deep breath and blew.
***
The cake was eaten and the guests were gone. Cee, Shane, Audrey, and I cleaned up while Jake and Freddy hung out with an episode of Daniel Tiger on the waiting room TV. Then, we all left the shop with hugs and final birthday wishes, all too ready to wind down. At home, Audrey got Freddy settled in his room, freshly furnished and decorated to his liking, while I made sure Jake was set for bed, teeth brushed and face washed. When he was comfortably huddled beneath the blanket with Blue at his side, I eagerly retired to my bedroom, flopping onto the mattress to wait for my girlfriend.
It was a good day, I reluctantly admitted to myself, allowing the smile to spread slowly across my face. It wasn’t something I’d expected, but throughout the day, I had found myself grinning and thinking about how nice it was to be celebrated. Even to have my parents there, offering a birthday card with a bit of money they knew I didn’t need. But they had wanted to give it to me, they had wanted to show some affection and love with a gift, and I had accepted with a hug.
Things weren’t perfect, but our path to recovery was lit with hope. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying the journey.
Dr. Travetti hadn’t come the way I’d hoped she might. She was invited, both by Audrey and me. I wanted her to meet Jake. I also wanted her to see the progress I’d made since our last session so many months ago. But she hadn’t come. She called instead with an apology and an explanation.