She is standing next to the windows. I didn’t even realize she’d moved. Hopefully I haven’t been so deep in thought I ignored her.
“What do you think?” she asks.
I set my cup down and smile at her. “I think you and I are going to get along just fine. I love linen.”
Theo and the nanny are coloring in the living room, and I kneel down on the floor next to my son and kiss him behind his ear.
“Where did Hannah go?”
“I don’t know,” Theo says distantly.
I muss his hair and turn to the nanny. She shrugs. “She just left a little bit ago. She didn’t say where she was going. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You aren’t Hannah’s babysitter,” I joke. Besides, Hannah is free to come and go as she pleases.
She was feeling trapped early on in her stay with me, and after our disastrous lunch out when we ran into Viktor beating up two drug dealers, Hannah stopped going out with me. I don’t blame her.
I’m tempted to call her and see, but I don’t want it to look like I’m keeping tabs on her. Plus, she might be out looking for a job, in which case, I don’t want to distract her. She has been taking calls in her room often. Each time, her eyes get big and she tells me it could be a possible job. Apparently, none of the jobs have panned out yet because Hannah hasn’t said anything.
Or, just as likely, she needed some fresh air.
Either way, she’ll be home later.
“Tell Viktor to come look at my picture,” Theo says.
“Viktor is here?” I ask, spinning around as if he might have crept into the room without me noticing.
Theo nods, but doesn’t give me any more information. I leave him to his colors and get up to search for Viktor. I find him quickly enough in the hallway bathroom. When I open the door, I hit his side.
“Sorry.”
He steps back to let me in, and I freeze when I realize he is shirtless.
I’ve seen him naked, but it is still shocking to see the full expanse of his muscled chest without the proper preparation. Especially since he is twisted to one side, his muscles stretched and taut as he messes with his arm.
His arm.
“How is your cut?” I ask, my voice thick with desire. I clear my throat.
“Fine,” he says, but I can see it is bleeding again.
I step into the room with him and slide between his body and the sink. “You need stitches.”
He snorts in disagreement and continues trying to disinfect the wound himself. His arms are thick with muscle and it’s hard for him to reach the spot on the back of his arm. I push his hands away and take over.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” Another lie. I can tell by the way he won’t meet my eyes. And by the grazes on his knuckles.
“You can tell me the truth.”
“I just did.” His voice is flat and emotionless, and the distance has me confused and frustrated.
I never know what to expect from Viktor. Is he going to be warm and gentle? Or perhaps, serious and passionate? Or, worst of all, cold and distant? There is no consistency, and I’m getting emotional whiplash.
“If I’m your Bratva queen, you can’t hide these things from me.” I press a cotton ball soaked with disinfectant to the wound, and he winces.
“But you aren’t,” he says sharply. “Not really. We aren’t married.”
The words feel like a slap to the face, and I bite down on my reaction, trying to remain just as cold as he is. It is clear something happened to upset Viktor, and now he is taking it out on me, trying to pick a fight.
“Whether it’s real or not, it feels real,” I snap. “The pregnancy was an accident and the wedding was fake, but we are still a team. We still have a life together, and I deserve to know what is going on with you.”
Viktor has stilled beneath my touch, and I realize all at once what I’ve just admitted to.
“It’s real for you?” Viktor whispers.
I don’t answer and instead slap a bandage over his wound and rush out of the bathroom and back into the living room where Theo is coloring.
A minute later, Viktor follows me.
“Molly,” he says sternly, but with a hint of gentleness.
“Theo wanted to show you his picture.” Theo jumps up and holds up his drawing to Viktor, and I’m not at all ashamed of using my son as a shield.
I’m not ready for this conversation. I’m not ready to admit my feelings to Viktor because I still don’t understand them. I don’t understand what they mean for me or my children or our future. Everything is up in the air, and I don’t want to make any commitments that I can’t keep.
Viktor admires Theo’s drawing and pats his head, commissioning Theo to draw him a purple dinosaur blowing green fire. Theo, a born businessman, requests payment in the form of one piece of chocolate from the candy drawer in the kitchen.
“Don’t undersell yourself,” Viktor says. “You can have two pieces of chocolate.”
With the promise of candy, Theo sets to work drawing the best dinosaur he can, and Viktor grabs my hand and pulls me far enough away that Theo can’t hear us.
“Did you mean that?” he asks.
My shoulders droop forward, and I place my face in my hands. “I’m tired, Viktor. It has been a long day. Can we just—?”
“No, we can’t.” Viktor slides his hand from my elbow to my shoulder and squeezes. “Talk to me.”
“Talk to me,” I repeat back to him, my words shrill and slightly frantic. “Tell me the truth.”
“I am telling you the truth,” Viktor says, lowering his face to look into my eyes. “Nothing out of the ordinary happened today. These cuts and bruises and scrapes are my normal life, and I promise you, I’d tell you if something beyond the normal happened.”
“You promise?”
He nods. “I swear it. We are a team.”
My words sound different coming out of his mouth. And they land like physical blows.
“I shouldn’t have said that.”
His brows pull together and there is hurt in his blue eyes. “Why not? Did you mean it?”
I want to lie to him and tell him it was a mistake. I misspoke and I take it all back. But I can’t.
“Yes, I meant it,” I admit, twisting out of his touch. I can’t think straight with him that close to me. It is why I slipped up in the bathroom in the first place. Having his naked chest two inches from my face makes me a bumbling idiot. “But the way I feel doesn’t change the facts.”
“It sure as hell does for me,” Viktor says, putting himself in my line of sight again. “How does that not change things? If you care about me the way I care for you, then—”
“Then we’ll be safe?” I ask, hating how harsh the question sounds. “Then you suddenly won’t have any more enemies and my kids will be protected?”
Viktor stares at me, the lines in his face becoming more pronounced as frustration mounts inside of him. The same frustration that is building inside of me.
“See?” I throw up my hands in defeat. “It doesn’t matter. This life is too dangerous for my kids, and I won’t risk their safety for my feelings. I just … I won’t do it, Viktor.”