A heartbeat passes, and then another, and I’m not sure what to say. Do I tell him about what Crystal said about this morning? Come out and ask him if he’s sleeping with both of us? Or is that too straight forward? He told her he wasn’t interested, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested before.
“Did she say something to you?” he interrupts my thoughts with his question. I suppose it’s now or never.
Licking my lips, I say, “Not directly. It was more telling the entire cafeteria.”
“What did she say?” Jackson crosses his arms over his chest, making himself look more imposing.
I drop my gaze to the floor and stare at my sneakers. “She said that you called her this morning to come over, and that you hung out together last night. I don’t really care who you hang out with, but like I told you before, I don’t want to catch any diseases or anything, and I don’t know who else you’re doing stuff with and…” I’m rambling now.
“Shut up,” Jackson says sternly, and I feel my heart sink into my stomach. Things were going so well. Why did I have to go and screw them up?
Goosebumps break out across my skin when Jackson’s fingers grip onto my chin, forcing me to look up and into his forest green eyes, in the sun, they seem a shade lighter than usual.
“If I wanted to fuck someone else, I would. The only person I’m doing anything with is you, and I literally can’t stand Crystal. I don’t want her, and we aren’t friends.”
I nod or at least try with his grasp holding my head in place. My shoulders suddenly feel lighter, and warmth fills me, knowing he isn’t with anyone else but me.
“Oh, okay. You didn’t… you didn’t have to tell me. We aren’t anything. You said it yourself, we’re not even friends.”
A ghost of a smile tugs at Jackson’s lips. “We’re complicated, to say the least, and I didn’t have to say something. But I’m dicking you, so you deserve to know if I’m doing the same to other girls, which I’m not.”
“Dicking?” I can’t help but giggle at the term. “Is that even a word?”
“It is now,” he says, grinning. “Seriously, though, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I shouldn’t even ask, shouldn’t even contemplate saying the word, but my mouth gets the word out before I can stop it. “Why?”
He shrugs. “I wouldn’t allow you to sleep with someone else. So, it’s only fair I extend the same courtesy to you.”
And in a roundabout way, I feel like he respects me more. That he’s seeing me for more than what I did and who I took from him.
We both lost Jillian that day, and though we didn’t die, whatever we shared did. I want that back more than anything in the world because when I’m with Jackson, everything seems a little brighter, a little easier.
23
Jackson
A week passes, and things with Kennedy remain the same. I hate admitting how much better I feel when we’re together. It still seems like I’m betraying Jillian by befriending Kennedy, and it takes an enormous amount of effort to remind myself daily that that’s not the case.
My mind is assaulted by images of Kennedy from the night that we shared dinner together. Her smile, the way she opened up to me. It’s not new, we’d always been friends, so I don’t know why it’s so different, but it feels like we’re just becoming friends for the first time.
Walking out of my business class, I wait in the courtyard for Kennedy to show. She should be coming from her economics class soon. Tugging my phone out of my pocket, I settle on a bench and let the warmth of the sun beat down on me.
Going to my messages, I find three brand new ones from my best friend from high school, Ty. He goes to North Woods University, so I haven’t seen him in almost a year.
I grin as I scroll through the messages.
Ty: What up, man?
Ty: Dude, really? Ignoring me?
Ty: Can’t ignore me if I’m there, right?
Ty: Psst. I’m here, and the fucking chicks are *flame emoji*
I’m not shocked at all that he just showed up here, and I’m actually happy he’s here. With a fight at the pits tonight and a party over at the frat house, he’s come at the perfect time. Typing out my response, my finger moves over the send key when I feel someone walking up behind me.
“Guess who?” Ty’s dumbass voice filters into my ear, and I twist around to face him.
“Hey, dumbass,” I say, snickering. “I was just about to text you back.”
“Yeah? After I already sent you four messages. I see where I rate.” Crossing his arms over his chest, I can see he’s been working out more. He was always kind of athletic, and girls flocked to our group of friends all the time. Ty was a lady killer, and I’m sure he still is.
“I was in class, what do you want me to do, pull out my phone, and message you back right away?” Conceited bastard obviously still thinks the world revolves around him.
Ty taps his chin. “Actually, yeah, I do.”
Walking around the bench, he takes the spot next to me. “What are you doing sitting out here? People watching? Or pussy watching?”
Do I tell him about Kennedy? Probably not. There isn’t anything going on between us, but yet I’m sitting on the bench waiting for her to come out of her class.
I decide to tell him a little white lie, then if Kennedy comes out, I can pretend like I didn’t see her or something if she asks. “Just sitting here. It’s nice out, and maybe I wanted to catch some rays?”
Ty chuckles, running his fingers through his dark brown hair. “What are we doing this weekend? Partying? Chicks? I didn’t come here just to sit on a park bench.”
Twisting around, I pin him with a stare. “Dude, you’ve been here five minutes, chill.”
Ty shrugs, and I look away, hoping he’ll chill the fuck out. Maybe he’s on something? Wouldn’t be the first time, and would explain why he’s so hyped up, his knee bouncing up and down and his hands moving, tapping against his thighs.
Students come rushing out of the economics hall, and my heart beats a little bit faster. I feel anxious as I watch, waiting for her blonde head to appear in the crowd. I shouldn’t be watching for her, waiting, wanting to spend any more time than I do with her, but I can’t help myself. Being around her makes me feel better.
Spotting Kennedy in the crowd, I suppress a smile.
“Holy fuck, is that Kennedy?” Ty leans over, nudging me in the side as if I’m not already looking right at her.
“Yeah, she goes to school here.” I try not to show my disgust at him saying her name. I don’t want him to even remotely know that I care about her.
“I thought this was a fancy-ass school. How did they let someone like her in? I still can’t believe they let her go.” Ty shakes his head, and I have to fight the urge to sucker punch him for talking about her like that. Then he does something that I never expected.
“Hey, killer!” he yells as she descends the steps. She looks up, and her face becomes ashen. Her gaze bounces like a ping pong ball from Ty and back to me before she finishes descending the steps and turns around the corner.