“I hate that I ever cared about you. That I ever became your friend, and that I ever considered loving you. Leave me alone, or I’ll tell everyone that you pushed me to kill myself.”
With tears in her eyes, she twists on her heels and walks into her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her. I carry her things into the kitchen before walking out into the living room. Sagging down onto the couch, my head falls in my hands.
Did I make the right choice coming here? By telling Claudia, I’d watch her?
In an instant, I’m reminded that I did, and all the doubt fades away.
I need to help her find her way back to the light. I owe her that, and if she still hates me at the end of this, I’ll walk away. If that’s what she really wants, then I’ll do it. I’ll let her go because that’s how much I love her. I’ll suffer the pain of losing her if it’s the best thing for her.
28
Kennedy
Four days pass in a blur. I only allow Jackson in the bedroom to check my cuts and to administer my pain pills. It takes an enormous amount of effort to shut down my feelings when he’s near. His scent surrounds me, lodging itself deep inside of my mind. I want to shove him out the front door, but the truth is I need him. In a second flat, I’ll be shoved back into the box my parents want me to live in if I don’t allow him to stay here and babysit me.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy though. He’s a reminder of everything I want to forget. My mom thought I was trying to kill myself, and that’s why I cut myself, but that wasn’t true. I don’t want to die. I just want the pain to lessen.
I woke up feeling well enough to go back to classes today, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not sure what Jackson has planned, but I’m going even if he doesn’t want me to. Tugging my shoes on, I let out a small sigh at the thought of fighting with him. As soon as I stand up, I feel a slight burn on my thighs and wince at the pain that lances the tender flesh.
There’s a knock on the bedroom door, and I ignore it, grabbing my backpack off the floor instead. When I get to the door, the knocking has grown more insistent, and I twist the knob, pulling it open much harder than necessary.
I can feel Jackson’s eyes roaming my body, each green orb, a heat-seeking missile against my skin.
“Where are you going?”
“Classes. I’m feeling better, and I don’t want to elongate going back. Plus, I’ve missed enough.” I only lift my gaze to the middle of his broad chest. I don’t want to see his eyes or face. He’s just a reminder of everything I’m begging to forget.
“Are you sure about this, Kennedy? I’m not sure your mental or physical state is ready.” I roll my eyes, wishing he would go back to not caring if I was breathing or dead.
“I don’t really care what you think. I’m leaving, and you don’t have to follow me. In fact, I would be grateful if you didn’t.” Shoving past him, an electrical current rips through me as my arm brushes against his. This would all be so much easier if I didn’t feel drawn to him. If my heartbeat didn’t spike in his presence.
“No can do, Kennedy. Let me grab my stuff, and then we can leave,” he says, and I’m thankful he isn’t fighting me on this. I don’t really have the strength to argue with him right now anyway. Going into the kitchen, I grab an apple and make a quick cup of coffee, putting it in my travel mug.
When I’m done, Jackson is waiting at the door, and this time, I don’t stop myself from looking at him. Arrogantly beautiful, menacing, and capable of death. He’ll make you believe anything and then rip the carpet right out from under your feet.
Walking ahead of him, I make sure my pace is faster than his, which is a pain in the ass since he’s taller than me. I manage, though, because I don’t want anyone to think we’re walking together. When I reach my first class, I almost sigh. The tension in my body makes my muscles ache, and I can’t wait to put some space between us.
“Whoa, wait,” Jackson calls, his hand landing on my shoulder, stopping me from continuing forward. “I’m going to be here when you get out.”
“Can’t you just go away,” I growl, shrugging off his hold. Every time he touches me, warmth envelops my body. My heart clings to him while my brain knows better, knows the damage he can cause.
I make the mistake of looking up and into his mossy green eyes. “No, I can’t just go away, and I won’t. I’m going to be up your ass, and I’m going to make sure that you’re okay because I owe it to you.”
Shaking my head, I take a step back, both wanting and needing to put some distance between us. “You don’t owe me a thing, and even if you did, I don’t trust you. I don’t want anything from you because everything comes at a cost, Jackson, and I’m done paying your prices. I’m done.” Turning, I walk away and straight through the double doors. I don’t stop until I reach my class and slump down into a seat.
Students filter in, taking their seats, and the professor takes the podium at the front of the room. I do my best to focus on what the professor is saying, jotting down notes, and trying to retain all the information I missed while I was gone. Somehow, it feels like people are staring at me, watching me more than usual, so I end up spending most of the class looking over my shoulder like a crazed person.
A few girls are whispering and looking my way, but I don’t catch anyone else watching me. Brushing it off to paranoia, I finish class, and when we’re dismissed, I walk down the hall and head to my next class even though I want to run back to my apartment.
Stepping outside, I spot Jackson leaning against a tree, his posture is relaxed, casual, and as soon as he spots me, he pushes off the tree and walks over to greet me.
He wasn’t lying, he really was waiting. Which disgusts me and makes me feel warm all at once. I hate that he didn’t listen to me, didn’t go away when I told him to.
“How was class?” he asks.
“Fine. You know you don’t need to follow me around, your friends are going to start asking questions if you do.”
Jackson shrugs. “I don’t really care what they ask or what they say. All I care about is you and what you think and feel.”
My mouth pops open, and I’m not really sure what I plan to say, but I guess it doesn’t matter because Crystal comes walking up to us, her shoulder slamming into mine, causing me to almost crash into Jackson.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see you there,” She says, chuckling beside Jackson. “Wait, I thought you…” She makes a motion of cutting her wrists and then says, “Looks like you didn’t do a good enough job if I do say so myself.”
I’m not really shocked at her words, of course, someone as selfish and heartless as her would say something like that. It’s fitting, really.
Jackson reacts before I can, grabbing her by the arm and twisting her around to face him. “What the fuck? You think it makes you look cool to say shit like that?” The anger that contorts his face is scary as hell, but a look that I’ve seen a few times myself.
Still, it’s strange to see him directing that rage at someone else, especially a girl that I know would do anything to be with him.