I was almost there when we stopped, too close to be casual, too far apart for comfort.
“Are … are you okay?” he asked, his voice raw.
I shook my head. “You?”
He shook his. “Tess, I … I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much, but I am.”
“I know. So am I.” A pause, thick with painful silence. “The windows. You made the dandelions.”
His smile was brief, thin, just a flick of the corner of his lips. “You like them?”
“They’re perfect, Luke.”
Another pause as we scrambled for what to say. There was too much, with no way to start.
But Luke found a way. He always did.
“I need…” The knot of his throat bobbed. “Please, Tess. Can I explain?”
I nodded once, bracing myself.
He drew a breath, seeming to do the same. “When I went to her the other night—” He shook his head. “No. Before that.” Another breath, a straightening of his spine. “I’ve never felt more right than since I walked through those doors, Tess. And it’s because you were here, waiting for me.”
My heart split, the contents spilling out into my chest in a warm pool.
“When she messaged me, the things she said … they scared me. When she’s in that space, bad things happen, and I didn’t want my absence to be the reason. I never could have imagined why she wanted me there, what she’d say. And I should have told you then. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I got myself into this with her, but I didn’t know. I didn’t know this would happen.”
“That she’d get pregnant?” I asked incredulously.
“No. That I’d find you.”
I swallowed my response in a sticky lump.
“She had a boyfriend I didn’t know about when we last were together. And when I left LA, I swore I’d never see her again. I moved nearly three thousand miles away to ensure it.”
“A boyfriend?” I frowned. “God, Luke. So it really might not be yours?”
“That’s the question.”
My mind whirred with possibilities and questions and a dozen emotions.
“She has a doctor’s appointment in a few days, and I’m going with her. She insists the baby’s mine, but … I don’t know. I want to believe she wouldn’t lie about this just as much as I hope it isn’t true.”
I stared at him, feeling his honesty in every word, written in every line of his face. He hadn’t known. And Wendy was desperate—I’d seen it for myself when she came here yesterday. But I had no response, no answers. It was all too much to comprehend. But there was one thing I knew for sure.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, my chest aching. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, no matter if it’s true or not.”
“I don’t care about that, Tess,” he said gently, pleadingly, taking my hands. “None of that matters as long as we’re okay. None of it matters if I still have you.”
But I couldn’t give him the answer he wanted to hear, not because I didn’t want to. But because I didn’t know if I should.
I’d taken enough risks for a lifetime. The next time I took a chance, I had to be sure.
I withdrew my hands from the confines of his. “This has all been so much, Luke. The drama, the upheaval in the shop, in my home, in my life. It feels like someone reached in and pulled it inside out. I don’t know which way is up because there is no one answer. It’s not black and white. There is no yes or no, and there’s no right or wrong.” I watched as his face fell, his eyes sharp with pain.
“But there is. I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t do this to hurt you—it’s out of my hands, out of my control. And you don’t trust me. After all of this, you still don’t trust me.”
“I do, Luke,” I insisted, my emotion rising in a wave. “But if this has proven anything, it’s that Wendy will always manipulate you, and you will always let her. I don’t know how I fit into your life, not when it’s always in danger of being controlled by her. I need time. And you need to sort things out with Wendy.”
“I don’t need time for that,” he urged, his eyes sparking with desperation and honesty. “I need you, Tess. That’s all I need.”
“Then you’ve got to give me time,” I said with a shaky breath, taking a step backward I didn’t want to take. I wanted less space between us, not more, but if I fell into his arms, I’d never get back out. Too much was unknown to take a leap, and I was all out of faith.
“How much time?”
“I don’t know.”
His face darkened. “What do you know?”
That I love you. That I hate this. That I’m confused and overwhelmed and every choice feels like a mistake, I thought.
But I said, “That right now, Wendy needs you more than I do.”
I turned and rushed out of the shop. Because if I’d stayed a second longer, I would have kissed him. I would have promised him everything was going to be okay, not knowing if it would be, and I held on to the mantra that I refused to hurt us even more.
Even if that was its own lie.
22
Rainbow Road
LUKE
I trudged through the door to my parents’ house with the intent to talk to Mom shadowed by the hope that she was already asleep and I wouldn’t have to.
It was a day of reckoning, of making things right, and I’d already failed once.
Wendy will always manipulate you, and you’ll always let her.
Tess’s words, a truth so plain, so blatant. And I’d never seen it, not in those terms.
I just had to decide what to do about it. But first, I had to get through this doctor’s appointment, figure out how to determine if this baby was mine. Because if it was, Tess was right. There would be no escaping Wendy.
My life had careened away from me with those two words. And I was no longer in control of anything.
I strode through the first floor, checking the living room, the dining room, the kitchen, finally finding Mom in the library, tucked into the big armchair with a romance novel.
Her eyes were sad when they met mine, but she smiled small, closing her book and resting it in her lap. “Hello, Lucas.”
“Hi, Mom.” I glanced at my feet, feeling like I was six again. “I … I’m glad you’re up.”
“Well, I figured you’d come home eventually, and I owe you an apology.”
My gaze snapped up to meet hers.
“Come here,” she coaxed, waving me toward her as she shifted to move her feet from the footrest.
I took a seat, and she took my hand.
“I shouldn’t have said such terrible things, and I shouldn’t have lost my temper like I did. I was just so shocked, Lucas. I thought … well, I thought when you separated, you wouldn’t see her again. I should have known she wouldn’t let you go so easy. And I should have known you wouldn’t abandon her. It’s a testament to your character, to the fabric of who you are. When you love, you love fiercely. And for that, I’m proud.”