“I asked him not to, and he said he wouldn’t,” I said quietly and with a touch of regret.
Ivy watched me, though her hands moved flowers to a pile on the table. “Have you heard from him?”
A nod, just one. “We’ve texted some. The … the doctor’s appointment is today.”
She groaned. “Oh God. No wonder you’ve been so quiet. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I rolled a shoulder. “Because I didn’t really want to talk about it.”
“Tess, I know it feels safer to board up your shutters and lock yourself away from everyone, but you don’t have to go through all this by yourself. You don’t have to carry the burden alone.”
“I know.”
She chose her next words carefully. “I know it’s not easy … to be vulnerable. But you’re allowed to have feelings. You’re allowed to be confused and hurt and angry. However you feel is valid.”
But I shook my head. “Every time I’m vulnerable, I get hurt. Every time I love, I lose.”
Ivy frowned, pinning me with a look. “You haven’t lost me. Mrs. Bennet. Your dad.”
“And trusting someone else is dangerous. Because the more I love, the more chances I have to get hurt. The more I open up, the more helpless I am. Why am I not allowed to protect myself against that?”
“Because you’re not protecting yourself—you’re running away. And those are two very different things.”
I had no response to that. My throat squeezed painfully, and I swallowed to open it up.
“I know you think you can plan for danger, but when you’re constantly looking for something to go wrong, it inevitably will. You become the master of a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I have a little secret for you.” She paused, waiting until I met her eyes. “Uncertainty is part of life. You can’t plan for it. You can’t brace yourself. There was no way for you to have seen Wendy coming.”
Tears bit at my nose. “So what am I supposed to do?” I begged, my voice shaking and tight. “How am I supposed to react? Because I don’t know another way.”
She reached for my hand, covered it with hers. “You can’t run away, and you can’t fight it. You can’t freeze from indecision and overthink it to death. Sometimes, there’s no right answer and there’s no wrong one. The only way through it is to have faith.”
Faith. Complete trust and confidence, but in what? Life? Luke?
Life had not been kind, but it had given me so much too. My father’s words rang in my ears—sacrifice fear for hope.
“Whatever happens, Tess, it will work out. Luke wouldn’t have it any other way. You have to know that.”
I nodded down at our hands. “I do,” I said, the truth of it slipping over me, into me, warming my heart and setting a tear on a track down my cheek.
“You have to have faith in him,” she urged. “Believe that it will work out despite how much it hurts to get there.”
Hope glimmered quietly in me. I pictured myself letting go of my fear. I could see it, my admission of feelings, our reunion. I imagined how it would feel to see him smile, to see the relief on his face, to feel the relief in my heart and the weight of his arms around me. For all my indecision, for all my uncertainty and fear, one truth remained, unflinching.
Luke was all I wanted. There was no choice to be made—there never had been. It was clear and crisp for the first time after days spent wandering through soupy fog.
“I’ve got to tell him,” I said, reaching into my pocket for my phone. “Do you think he’ll talk to me?”
Ivy smiled. “Oh, I think he’ll talk to you all right.”
My bottom lip slipped between my teeth as I wrote out a text.
Hey, if you have a minute, do you think—
I deleted it and started over.
I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch—
Are you busy? I wanted to—
Ivy rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, stop overthinking it.”
With a laugh, my fingers flew as I reminded myself to have faith in Luke, myself, that everything would be okay. But before I hit send, Ivy drew a sharp breath.
My gaze snapped to her face, but hers was locked behind me. Judging by her expression, I imagined who was there before I looked, my neck turning slowly, deliberately to find Wendy Westham.
She seemed smaller, dimmer than I’d seen her. The fever in her eyes was gone, replaced with a quiet sadness, her hands clasped in front of her. She looked frail. Fragile.
“I … I’m sorry to bother you, Tess. Could we talk for a minute?”
Fear straightened my spine—not of her, but of what she might say. There was news on her tongue, and I found myself certain that no matter what she spoke, things would inevitably change.
Uncertainty is part of life. Have faith.
I tried to smile against my anxiety, wiping my hands on my apron as I stood. “Sure.”
Ivy grabbed a couple of vases and headed toward the front. “Let me just take these to Jett for delivery.”
A moment later, she was gone, and Wendy and I were alone.
I didn’t know how to start, what to say, and it seemed that she didn’t either. For a moment, we just stood there with our thoughts whizzing and our mouths firmly closed.
And then she spoke. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’m not proud of, and almost all of them I’ve done to Luke.” She took a heavy breath and held my eyes. “I love him, I always will, but I just keep hurting him, over and over. And he’s always been there, despite it all. Until now.” Her throat worked as she swallowed. “The baby’s not his.”
My lungs contracted, emptied like I’d been kicked in the chest. In that moment, I realized I’d convinced myself that it was his child, that everything he and I had to face, we would have to face it with a child and his ex-wife between us.
Somehow, the knowledge that she had lied about something so serious was a thousand times more shocking.
“Why?” I breathed. “Why would you do this to him? To the Bennets?” To me?
She swallowed visibly, her face tight with pain and regret. “Because I didn’t know what else to do. You … you have to understand—I know you’ve seen it for yourself. He is my safe place. No matter what happens, he’s always there. The man who fathered this baby doesn’t want it and doesn’t want me. I … I’ve never been able to support myself, and now? This baby’s future depends on me, and I don’t know if I can provide it. So I did the only thing I knew to do—I came to Luke. Because I knew he would take care of this baby and me. I thought maybe he could even love me again. But I was wrong. I didn’t know he was in love with you.”
My hand had found its way to my lips, my thoughts tripping over themselves.
“I came here to make amends. To tell you the truth. You deserve to know that he didn’t do anything wrong, except trust me. As long as I’ve known him, he’s only denied me once before you—when I cheated. When I called, he always came. When I needed him, he was always there. He has been the most steady and true thing in my life, my entire life. But he’s not mine, not anymore. He’s yours.”
She took a step toward me, her eyes bright with pain.