“But it was stupid and reckless. I didn’t think … didn’t realize the stakes.”
“No, it’s just that the stakes changed when you fell in love with Tess.”
I blinked back my surprise. “How did you—”
But she laughed. “I might be old, but I’m not blind. And my children are too easy to fool into believing I’m unaware. Do you really think I haven’t seen you two together? You can barely keep your hands off each other.”
A chuckle puffed out of me. “So much for secrets.”
“Oh, I can’t blame you for not telling me—I knew you would when you were ready. And besides, I would have meddled, and we all know it.” She squeezed my hand. “How’s Tess?”
“Upset. She asked me for time, and I have no choice but to give it to her.”
“She doesn’t come around quick, but she always comes around. I promise, Lucas. She will.”
“I hope you’re right. But I can’t shake the feeling that it’s out of my control. It’s in Wendy’s.”
A shadow passed across her face. “Damn her.”
I drew a sigh from the very bottom of my lungs. “Tess said Wendy would always manipulate me, and I’d always let her. And she’s right. I just don’t know how to untangle myself from her, Mom. I don’t know how to let her go because I’m afraid if I do, she’ll drown.”
“Or she’ll swim. But the only way you won’t be dragged down by her weight is if you put up boundaries. If this baby is yours—”
“You know about that too?”
She rolled her eyes. “There are no secrets in this family, Lucas. If this baby is yours, get a mediator and sort out custody and rights. Show up and do your duty, nothing more.”
“And when she falls apart, threatens to hurt herself and the baby?”
“Then you call the ambulance and go to her. And you fight for full custody. But the child might not be yours. And if that’s the case, then you walk away from her once and for all. It’s time, son. It’s time to move on.”
“But I have. I thought I was no longer beholden to her, and then this. Every time I think I’ve gotten away, I get sucked back in.”
“Wendy thinks she still has a chance with you because your actions have never said otherwise. So put your money where your mouth is, Lucas Bennet, and show her.”
I nodded, hope sparking in my chest. Because showing Wendy just how through we were would not only prove my sincerity.
It would prove my devotion to Tess.
Because above all, that was what I wanted. She was what I wanted.
I only hoped I could win her back.
TESS
My heart thundered as I rounded the last bend of Rainbow Road with Dad hot on my tail. The finish line loomed, and for one second, I thought I might actually beat him.
Should have known better.
A heat-seeking turtle shell blasted me in the rear, and while my car flipped and bounced, Dad flew past and under the banner.
I groaned. “Sneaky bastard.”
“Face it, Pigeon. I am the resident champion, and beating me is a pipe dream. Get it? Pipes? Mario?”
“Har-har,” I hyucked. “It wouldn’t kill you to let me win every once in a while. You know, for my ego?”
He gave me a look. “You’d really want me to throw a game?”
“No,” I admitted on a sigh, stretching my back. “Wanna go again?”
“Maybe in a minute. Need to give my trigger fingers a chance to regroup.” He held them up, wiggling them for effect. “How’d it go at the shop today?”
“It was…” A sigh slipped out of me. “Dad, I didn’t tell you the whole truth.”
He smiled sadly. “I figured. What happened?”
“Before the installation broke, Wendy showed up at the shop. She … she’s pregnant, and she says the baby is Luke’s.”
“You … you’re kidding.”
I shook my head. “We were exhausted—it was chaos. And we got into a fight. No … not a fight. I just couldn’t deal with the shock, so I bolted, came home. And yesterday, he came in to talk to me about it. But I can’t tell him what he wants to hear, Daddy. I can’t tell him everything’s fine because it doesn’t feel fine. It doesn’t feel anywhere close to fine.”
“How does it feel?”
“Inside out. Unreal. Scary. I’m afraid,” I said softly. “Afraid that everything will change. That he’ll leave me. That I’ll come second to Wendy, always. That she will manipulate him until the end of time. And I don’t know how to manage that fear. I don’t know how to take a risk, not when the circumstance is sticky with unknowns.”
“Life is full of unknowns. It’s scary, and you can’t avoid that. You can’t plan for it. The happiest and most successful people in the world are flexible, Tess.”
“But what if I make a mistake? What if I get hurt? What if I lose?”
“When was the last time you beat me on Rainbow Road?” he asked, the corner of his lips rising.
“Thanksgiving 2012. You had the flu.”
“Has that ever stopped you from playing me?”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s a video game, Daddy.”
He shrugged. “Maybe the stakes are lower, but the feeling is the same. You can’t tell me that just now, when you thought you were gonna beat me, your heart wasn’t banging and full of hope. What if you’d beaten me? If you hadn’t played, you wouldn’t have won.”
“You beat me,” I said on a laugh.
“But what if I hadn’t? If you want to play the what-if game, I’m gonna make you consider the good, not just the bad.”
“No risk, no reward, right?”
“That’s the idea. Listen to me, Pigeon. Don’t sacrifice your future just because you’re afraid. Sacrifice your fear for hope.”
My gaze fell to my hands, emotion tightening my throat.
“Luke makes you happy, and that’s not gonna stop just because of Wendy. Deep down, you know that. Don’t ignore it just because you’re scared. If you need time to come around to the idea, take it. Luke will wait. I think that boy loves you, and I think you love him too. Don’t throw that away, Tess.”
I nodded, unable to speak. But he didn’t require a response, just reached for my hand. And I found my way into his arms, hoping he was right.
23
Tick Tock
LUKE
Three days since the bomb had been triggered, and every tick of the clock had brought me to this moment.
Silence crackled in the room, sharp with anticipation as the doctor watched the ultrasound monitor.
My lungs were empty and locked, my pulse loud in my ears. Wendy lay on the exam table, her face tight and eyes bright. She reached for my hand, and I let her, the feeling of her clammy palm against mine sending a shudder of aversion through me.
Everything about this felt wrong.
Wendy’s presence. The cold exam room. The static on the monitor. The fluttering sound of a baby’s heartbeat. The disbelief that the creator of that heartbeat was me. The sick sensation that I didn’t want it to be and the subsequent guilt that it could be. And what a shitty father I was for wishing for something so abhorrent.