Removing my hand, I mumbled an apology and grabbed the cloth and alcohol.
“Disinfecting them with this should be enough.” I added, “I hope,” under my breath.
He held still as I dabbed the tequila-soaked towel against each bite. I counted seventeen wounds by the time I reached the one on his neck.
“Does it hurt?” I asked. “The alcohol?”
“It stings.”
I wouldn’t have guessed it because he hadn’t moved a muscle the entire time.
“Why do you wear a jacket? The rest of the fey seem fine with shirts or nothing at all. And you seem pretty warm to me. Do you get colder than the rest of the fey?”
“No. My scars scare people.”
He was covering up to be less scary? That just made me a little sad for him because it wasn’t the scars that made him scary. It was him. All of him. His largeness. The intensity of his observant gaze. The way a person never knew what he was thinking. But, all of that seemed a whole lot less scary seeing the way he still nervously gripped his shirt.
Finished, I stepped back.
“You’re all set.”
Picking up the cup I’d used, I saw Hannah had her head on the table, out cold.
“We should put her in bed. She’s probably going to sleep all day.”
Thallirin put on his shirt while I got rid of the towel and cup since I didn’t think either should be reused. He picked Hannah up carefully when I returned and followed me upstairs. I picked a bedroom at random and stepped aside for him. The way he set Hannah down gently, even taking the time to adjust the pillow under her head and brush her hair back from her face, seemed so out of character for a man who tried to boss me around at every turn. Then, again, I hadn’t ever seen him interact with any other woman. It was always just me.
“Why me?” I asked when he turned. “Why not Hannah or some other girl?”
He straightened away from Hannah and looked at me. The beat of silence stretched to the point where I thought he wouldn’t answer. When he did, it was low and almost angry.
“Many lifetimes ago, Merdon and I were banished, sent to live alone in the caves apart from our brothers. They would not look at us or speak to us. We were dead to them.
“We existed in silence. Always alert, hunted by the hellhounds. Always alone.”
He slowly crossed the room, stalking me. I retreated into the hall, thinking he meant to leave. Instead, he backed me against the wall. Just like on the ladder, he set his hands on the wall on each side of my head. He didn’t touch me, but I still felt boxed in. Trapped. I fought to focus on what he was saying and not my growing panic.
“Coming to the surface was a chance to end our isolation. A chance for redemption in the eyes of our brothers. Merdon and I thought the humans we found were pathetic in their weakness.”
He tilted his head, studying my face.
“You are not pathetic, Brenna, and have more power than you know. It wasn’t until we learned Drav had discovered a female that we thought to want something more than redemption. But I learned quickly I would not have a female of my own. Women look at me with fear and turn away in disgust.”
The way he continued to study me made me nervous.
“The first time you saw me, you didn't look away. You met my gaze. There was no fear in your eyes.
“You gave me hope.” He looked away from me then. “I have heard your words, Brenna. I know you do not want me as I want you. When you look at me without fear, I tell myself your gaze means nothing and try to kill the hope that you might someday change your mind. But, like a hellhound, the hope refuses to die.”
With a last look at me, he walked down the hall, and the front door opened and closed.
I stood there, trying to process what had just happened. His admission made me feel cruel. He’d been shunned and feared by all the other women he’d laid eyes on before me.
I might not have looked at him with fear in my eyes, but I’d still felt it. How many times had I told him to leave me alone because of it?
My guilt grew stronger at the realization that he was as desperate for me to notice him as something more than a big, scarred, scary fey as I’d been to have him stop noticing me.
What was I supposed to do now?
From the bedroom, Hannah said, “Don’t worry, Brenna. Everything dies.”
Chapter Nine
Swearing softly, I rushed to put on my jacket and boots and yanked the front door open. However, I didn’t see Thallirin anywhere. Tolerance was big, but not that big.
Closing the door behind me, I hurriedly started down Hannah’s front walk.
“Brenna!”
I looked at the figure approaching from the left. Angel waved and picked up her pace. I scanned the area to my right again, searching for any sign of Thallirin before moving toward her.
“I thought you were going to run away from me for a minute there,” she said with a smile when I reached her.
“No. I was looking for someone.”
“Oh?”
“Did you need something?” I asked, ignoring her hint that I should tell her who.
“I wanted to invite you to lunch.”
“Why?” I didn’t mean to say it like I had, but I couldn’t help feeling her invitation was a little strange since we didn’t really know each other.
“For something to do. Now, I’m not complaining,” she said, holding up her hands. “I appreciate the relative safety here. But, it does get a little boring. Spontaneous infected breaks-ins aside.” She tucked her hands into her big jacket pockets and shrugged. “I figured being stuck in here for the day was probably driving you crazy after all the exciting supply runs.”
“Going on supply runs isn’t exciting. It’s a terrifying necessity.”
“Necessity?” she asked, looking truly confused.
“Yeah, how else are we going to keep feeding ourselves?”
“You could ask one of the fey to bring you supplies.”
I shook my head.
“That’s not a long-term solution. Eventually, some girl is going to give in, and that fey will be gathering supplies exclusively for her. Like you and Shax.”
She smiled.
“You have a point. All I have to do is mention a craving, and he’s out the door to look for it. I have a case of snack cakes in the kitchen because of it.”
“Snack cakes?” My mouth watered at the thought of one. I’d been so busy craving anything not dog food that I’d forgotten how amazing dessert could be.
“Come on. I’ll share.” She turned and started walking but only made it two steps before pausing.
“Do you need to find someone first?” she asked.
“That can wait,” I said, catching up to her. Thallirin had left in a rush for a reason. Maybe giving him a little time was for the best. I knew that was my stomach talking and not my conscience, though.
Angel and I walked in silence for a moment.
“Garrett mentioned you’ve been his partner in the truck the last few days. He makes it sound boringly harmless being out there, but I know better. I heard that yesterday was far from safe for you.”
“Heard from who?” I asked, preferring not to dwell on what had happened.
“The fey talk. If you ever want to know something, just ask one of them. They don’t know the meaning of privacy or secrets. Which is the second reason I thought you might want to have lunch with me. I heard that Uan’s spending the day with your mom.”