“It won’t happen again.” She squeezed my hand before taking it back to her glass. “I hope none of this happens again.”
“You look tired.”
“I skipped three Botox appointments.”
“Mom.” I shot her a look, then shook my head. If she wanted to make jokes, so be it. It was better than crying. “What does the doctor say about his memory?”
“He’s had a lot of long-term memory loss, but not nearly as bad as we thought it would be. His short-term memory is foggy, but Dr. Ginsburg thinks with time he’ll regain it.”
“That’s good.” I brought the glass closer to me, thinking about what he’d said about Lana. He had months to report it and hadn’t. They’d searched those woods though, including where the accident had taken place, and all of the waterfalls around, and found nothing. I thought about my father and his role in this, and then remembered what Manny said about flying him upstate. “Where’s dad?”
“He went to a meeting with Dean Ellis. You know universities are only worth as much as their donors.”
“Right.” I set the glass aside and stood. “I’m going to check in on Lincoln and Logan.”
As I walked over, I heard them talking quietly. Logan was on the other side of the bed, so I got a clear view of his face. He was smiling. My brother was too. I sighed. Thank God for small miracles. When they heard me open the door they stopped talking and looked at me.
“Are you having a super secretive conversation I’m not privy to?”
“Nah. I’m just trying to figure out how I told you that staying away from this asshole wasn’t a drill and you still ended up going for him.”
“I didn’t go for him.” I walked over to Logan. He put his arm around me.
“It’s true. She made me work for it.”
Lincoln smiled, then turned serious. “Did mom tell you I have therapy?”
“Yeah.”
“I need help to do everything. I can’t eat, can’t shit, can’t shower without help.” He sighed, closing his eyes.
“You’ll bounce back quickly.” I put my hand on his. “You always do. Remember when you broke your arm in high school and played on the team with a cast?”
Lincoln smiled. He opened his eyes. “That was pretty badass.”
“Maybe you can play in a wheelchair. I bet you’d still score more goals than Ryan.”
Lincoln laughed, shaking the bed. “Fuck, he’s still on the team?”
“Warming the bench, but hey. Kid’s got a jersey.”
Lincoln shook his head. I frowned.
“Is that the one that tripped at the pep rally?”
They both laughed.
We spent the rest of our stay like that, joking with my brother, until he got too tired and fell asleep. According to the nurse, he needed to keep resting as much as possible. I didn’t want to leave him so quickly, but I needed to get back to class as much as Logan needed to get back for practice, so I left, begrudgingly, promising I’d be back much sooner. I thought having my brother awake would help me answer more questions, but I still had the same ones: who did this to Lincoln and what happened to Lana? If Lincoln’s memory wasn’t faulty, and she had jumped and died.
Chapter 40
Maybe I’d gotten too used to Logan skipping his own classes to come to mine, but I felt like every class I sat in was a bore. Half of the time, I spent working on my articles about the various community events around the city, all which of course included members of The Eight. Logan had been playing catch up in his own classes and making sure his grades were up before he left for an entire week.
“Do you think there’s a secret society of only women?” A girl in the front of the auditorium asked. Some of her friends laughed.
“If there is one, I hope you get your invitation soon, Miss Camelot,” the professor said. “As I was saying, The Sex Disqualification Act of 1919 made it possible for women to enter universities or get jobs they may not have been able to get prior to that.”
I tried to pay attention and take notes, but I ended up falling asleep instead. I woke with a start, at the sound of someone shutting their book, and realized class was over. I grabbed my things and walked out. Thankfully the professor didn’t call me out for sleeping, but she did shoot me a dirty look as I walked past her. When I stepped outside, I was surprised to see Logan. As usual, he didn’t have a bookbag or books in his hand. What he did have was two girls smiling up at him. He looked bored, but they obviously didn’t care. If I’d been jealous before, I didn’t even know what this feeling threatening to rip me apart from the inside could be considered. I wanted to grab them by the hair and claim him as mine. As if hearing my thoughts, he looked up as I approached. Only then did he smile. Only then did he push off the wall and walk forward, brushing past the girls as if they weren’t even there. When he reached me, he made a show out of kissing me, framing my face with both hands, sticking his tongue down my throat, pressing up against me. I pushed my hands under the t-shirt he wore under his jacket and scratched his back. He groaned into my mouth, deepening the kiss. When he pulled away, his eyes were hazy.
“Do you want me to fuck you in front of all these people?”
“No.” I smiled up at him, feeling my cheeks burn at his words. “But you can take me home and fuck me there.”
He kissed me hard one last time, the grabbed my hand and started walking, as if he didn’t notice any of the people who had stopped to look at us.
“That’s going to end up on a blog somewhere,” he commented.
“The kiss?” I blinked up at him. “Are you serious?”
“Babe, everything I do ends up on the internet.”
“In that case, I’m glad I didn’t click on too many links when I Googled you.”
He chuckled, squeezing my hand.
“I guess if it does end up on the internet, you won’t be able to deny that you have a girlfriend.” I frowned. “Not that most girls would care that you have one. If anything, that might make you more attractive to some of them.”
“You know what’s crazy?”
“What?”
“I don’t give a fuck what they think. I’m with you, remember?”
“Yeah, but maybe—”
“No maybe. I’m yours.”
“Okay.” I smiled.
I felt like I hadn’t stopped smiling since we got back from visiting my brother. Well, with the exception of when I stopped to think about Lana. Then, my mood soured all at once.
“Do you think Lana’s dead?”
“Mae.” Logan sighed. “This again?”
“I just . . . Lincoln thinks she’s dead.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow.
“What does that mean?” I let go of his hand and walked into our building. He followed. I waved at Gary. He waved back with a smile.
“What does what mean?”
“You said really like that and raised your eyebrow like you find it hard to believe that my brother said that.”
He shrugged. I pushed the button to the elevator, crossing my arms as I looked at him. He looked at me without a care in the world, as if he hadn’t just said something slightly insulting. The doors opened. We walked in. They closed. I kept my distance and kept staring.