“Why did you say it like that?”
“You’re really trying to pick a fight over this?”
“I’m not trying to pick a fight. I’m asking you a question.”
“And you’re getting upset that I’m not answering it.” He waited for me to step out of the elevator.
“Yeah, because you’re implying my brother had something to do with it.”
“How am I implying that?” He stood beside me as I unlocked my door.
I didn’t even hold it open for him, I just walked through and let him catch it as he walked in behind me. I tossed my keys on the counter, let my messenger bag drop to the floor and faced him again.
“What do you think happened to Lana?”
“I have no fucking idea because I wasn’t there.”
“I asked you what you think happened.”
“I don’t know.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Your brother was the last person to see her and if he says she’s dead then I believe him.”
“You think he killed her.”
He was quiet for a beat, staring at me, his eyes calculating words that he wanted to say but wasn’t sure how they’d be received. I knew that look. I owned that fucking look. Damn him.
“You think he killed her,” I stated before he had a chance to respond.
“It’s the only logical explanation,” he said, bringing a hand up to check off, “Your father was having an affair with her, your brother wanted to expose the little sex ring they have going, Lana was your brother’s friend and would not listen to anything he had to say in regards to the affair, and nobody wanted her around The Lab out of fear that she’d expose it all.”
“Expose what?” I shouted. “There is nothing to expose.”
“There’s a lot to expose.” He chuckled darkly. “Starting with your father.”
I staggered back. He wasn’t wrong. I knew he wasn’t wrong. I knew what he was saying was one hundred percent true. I also knew that it was my family he was insulting. My family that would suffer if my father’s disgusting habits and secrets were exposed. My mother would be crushed. My nieces would get the brunt of it from their schoolmates. That was the way it always happened. The family always suffered more than the culprit. Logan closed his eyes and looked up at the ceiling as if summoning a higher power to help him out. There would be none. Not one that could help him out in the very near future anyway. He looked at me again.
“I’m going to go pack for my trip. If you want to talk about something else, I’m down the hall. You can come over or call me or I can come back later.”
I crossed my arms. “You don’t want to talk about the fact that my brother is not a murderer?”
“We don’t know that, Mae. We don’t know what happened. He doesn’t even know what happened.”
“But we know him,” I insisted. When he didn’t budge, I sighed heavily. “I guess I’ll talk to you later then.”
He walked to the door slowly, as if waiting for me to call him back. I wouldn’t. He cast one last glance at me as he walked out.
“This doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
I nodded, hating the way tears pricked my eyes, because despite my anger, it didn’t change how I felt about him either. How could it? But I needed him to be on my side here. I needed him to be on our side.
Chapter 41
It had been exactly three days since I’d seen Logan and I still wasn’t sure who was to blame for our fight. Probably him. Maybe me. Definitely both of us. It would’ve been over by now if I’d called him, but after he left my apartment, I just kept getting more and more upset. I’d ranted to Nora over the phone and she listened quietly, but I got the sense that she was on Logan’s side of the argument. Unlike Logan, she’d kept that to herself and just listened. In his absence, I’d met the other two members of The Eight, Annette and Beatriz. We met over Skype, because they were both away for a semester abroad in Scotland. Nora had already filled them in on Logan and my relationship, which of course, they were shocked about.
Also, in his absence, I’d been stalking Nolan’s social media and overanalyzing everything in the background of his photos, but it was just the usual—Nolan grinning at the camera and Logan in the background sulking over a sweaty drink. It gave me peace to see the infinite scowl on his face. Every once in a while, in an Instagram story or snap chat video, I’d catch him checking his phone in the background and that really made me smile, and then cry softly, because I really missed him. I was getting to the library, where I told Hailey I’d meet her after she sent me a series of text messages I could only classify as absolutely manic. My phone buzzed in my hand. I’d been waiting for a call from my brother via my mother’s phone. She hadn’t given him his phone back because she was afraid it would be too much, so whenever we spoke it was through hers. It wasn’t a call though, it was a text message, and it wasn’t from my mother’s phone, but from Logan’s. My chest tightened before I even swiped to read the message.
Logan: I’m sorry.
I stopped walking and leaned against the nearest column, closing my eyes and letting out a shuddering exhale. He’d never apologized before, not that he’d ever done anything worth apologizing for, aside from the times he was a jerk before we actually got together. It wasn’t a Logan thing to do though. I knew that from every single interaction I’d seen him have with everyone around us. His apology actually meant something. My eyes popped when a second text came through, but I stayed leaning against the rough column.
Logan: I was an asshole.
Me: I’m sorry too.
Logan: I miss you so fucking much
Me: I miss you too
My phone rang. I answered his call quickly.
“Does that mean you didn’t go looking for someone to share a bed with?”
I laughed. “I hadn’t gotten around to printing out the flyers with my number.”
“Good. That’s less people I have to kill when I get back.”
“How many do you currently have to kill?”
“Just Paper Boy. He uploaded a picture of the two of you together and I’ve been envisioning punching him in the face since.”
“Logan.” I laughed. “Max is like your number one fan.”
“You think that’ll stop me?” he asked and I swore I could hear the scowl coming through the phone line. “I want you to be my number one fan.”
“I still know nothing about hockey. I guess I’ll get there if we’re going to stay together.” I pushed myself off the column I’d been leaning against and kept walking.
“If?” He sounded offended. “We’re staying together.”
“I don’t like to jump to conclusions. For all I know, I’m just a footnote in your college experience.”
“Oh, Mae.” He sighed into the phone. “How could you be a footnote when you’re the whole damn textbook?”
My heart skipped. He said things like that all the time, little glimpses of just how serious he wanted us to be. I loved that about him. My ex-boyfriend had always been too cool to talk to me in front of his friends and God forbid he ever said anything that sounded remotely like he wanted us together forever. He’d said, I think I can fall in love with you, once. It was what made me decide to follow him to college. Like an idiot. Logan didn’t say anything as if it was something he thought. He said it all with clarity, so there was no room for confusion, and he only said things he meant. I wished so badly I could tell him right now, but I was too scared. What if those three little words, that held such promise, were what would scare him away?