I bite my lip and nod slowly. “Which death are you talking about exactly?”
“Well, Julian, of course,” she says, gesturing with her hands. “Josh loved him like his own son.”
I inhale at her remark and can’t help but pry further. “It’s crazy everything that happened there.”
Kayla nods. “It really is. I mean to be sued for malpractice is bad enough, but to be sued by your best friend…”
My entire body goes cold, but I school my features so I don’t give myself away. “Josh is lucky he can still practice medicine.”
“Well, the lawsuit was unfounded to begin with. Mark is a doctor, too, and he should’ve known. As doctors, we can only do so much, as sad as that is for people to realize. But so many malpractice suits come from grief. The complicated part of this issue was that Josh never should have been Julian’s doctor to begin with. He was too close to Julian. But Josh could never say no to his best friend. Mark and Josh were like brothers as I’m sure you know.”
I nod, frowning as I attempt to process everything she’s said. Complicated is right.
“And you know Josh, he’s so headstrong and confident, which, makes sense because he’s a genius. I mean, top of our class, and the resident everyone tried to beat. Plus, he had this incredible way with kids that made your heart melt. He could be straight with them while crawling on the floor with them. It was beautiful to witness. Honestly, the warmth and love he had for his patients were what drew me to him. He was going to be the best attending John Hopkins had ever seen…but then everything with Julian happened. It’s mind-blowing how quickly things can change in this profession.”
I nod, blinking rapidly and trying hard to ignore the knot in my throat and the tears stinging my eyes.
Josh and love in the same sentence? Was that really him? If so, then who is the man that I’ve been growing to know these past few months?
“Are you a doctor, too?” Kayla asks, ripping me out of my emotional tailspin.
I shake my head. “I’m a pediatric assistant counselor right now.”
Kayla’s brows lift. “Repairing the mind is a whole other animal, let alone the minds of children.”
“Yeah,” I reply on autopilot because my thoughts are suddenly pummeled with the name on that unopened letter. “Do you know if Josh and Mark speak anymore?”
Kayla balks at my question. “Josh doesn’t speak to any of us anymore. He hasn’t returned our calls, emails, letters. It’s like he wants to pretend his life in Baltimore never happened. Mark has tried to reach him countless times.”
“So, what makes you think he’ll want to talk to you today?”
Kayla sighs heavily. “I think he can help me save this kid’s life if he just looks at this file. And I figure if I’m standing on his front doorstep, he can’t ignore me.”
I swallow the knot in my throat before asking, “Was it cancer that killed Julian?”
Kayla jerks her head back, clearly surprised at my lack of knowledge. “No…I mean…do you not know the full story?”
I take a deep breath. “As I said, Josh doesn’t talk about it much.”
Her face softens as she must realize how truly in the dark I am. “Josh was treating Julian for cancer, but it was an undetected brain aneurysm that took his life. Josh blames himself for not seeing the signs, but aneurysms are hard to spot in children. And Josh and Julian had this superheroes thing they did all the time where they acted like they couldn’t feel pain. Julian was always Captain America, and Josh was the Hulk. They crushed pain with their powers, and Josh thinks if he wouldn’t have been so close to Julian, Julian wouldn’t have masked his symptoms, and Josh could have saved him.”
Tears well in my eyes for the agony of that scenario. “That’s terrible.”
Kayla’s face falls. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I shake my head and lean forward. “So Josh blames himself for Julian’s death because he loved him too much?”
Kayla bites her lip. “Josh is going to kill me for saying all of this.”
I swipe away my tears, sad for the little boy, sad for the little boy’s dad, and sad for Josh who was trying to save him. “I’m glad you told me.”
She smiles and looks me up and down. “But you and Josh seem good, right? He’s dealt with his past? You’re clearly planning a future.”
I rub my lips together and ignore the trembling in my chin. “A psychologist would say no, he hasn’t dealt with his past.”
Her face pales. “I’d hoped that him coming home was what he needed. Or just…some time. I mean, you opened the door looking so sweet and happy. I hoped that meant that things had improved for him.”
I shake my head sadly. “Not entirely.”
Suddenly, a throat clears from behind us, and I turn.
Josh stands at the side entrance by the kitchen staring at us. I stand, holding my belly protectively at the hard look in his eyes.
Josh’s voice is flat when he slides his gaze to Kayla. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Kayla stands as well, grabbing her bag off the table. “I need your help with a patient.”
Josh sets his keys on the counter and slowly walks toward us. “I can’t help you.”
“That’s a lie. You’re the only person I know who can help.” She widens her stance, clearly not wanting to take no for an answer. “It’s a kid, Josh—a little girl, and I just need an hour of your time. If you could look at this chart, I’m certain you’ll see something I’m missing.”
“You shouldn’t have come here,” Josh states through clenched teeth as his jaw muscle ticks.
Kayla glances at me with a look of desperation on her face that I feel on a deep level, but based on Josh’s body language, this request isn’t up for discussion.
With a resigned sigh, she digs into her bag and pulls out a business card. “My flight leaves from Denver tomorrow morning.” She sets the hotel card on the table. “Please Josh, come by tonight if you can find it in your heart to help.”
Josh doesn’t even look at the card, continuing to stare broodingly out the window.
“It was lovely to meet you, Lynsey,” Kayla says, rubbing my arm soothingly.
“It was nice to meet you too,” I croak as I walk Kayla to the door and try to hide my emotions that are reeling with everything I’ve just discovered about a man I’m in love with.
When I return to the table, Josh simply stares at me, so I break the tension with a bang. “Kayla told me everything about Julian.”
His eyes narrow, and he gives me the same silent treatment he gave Kayla. I’m not okay with it.
“I guess that explains the Captain America tattoo.”
Nothing but more jaw ticking.
I swallow the knot in my throat and will myself to stand strong. “I’m sorry about what happened to him.”
His lips thin. “I’m not going to talk about him.”
“Josh, you loved him, so you should talk about him.”
“I’m not going to talk about Julian,” he grinds, his voice laced with anger. “I’m not going to talk about any of it.”