“We made it!” Tears of joy fall. “Kate, I’m not psychic. I’m just a nut job.”
Kate smiles and holds my hand as they wheel me inside. “And look, this is where you and Josh first found out you were having a baby. Remember—they rolled you in on a stretcher just like this?”
“Yeah, that was neat.” I smile and look at Josh.
He’s shaking his head and laughing. The fucking asshole is laughing at me, and Kate’s walking down memory lane while my vagina feels like it’s about to split me in half.
Finally, I get moved into a labor and delivery room where they change me out of my Elizabeth Swan custom-made pirate costume and into a really ugly hospital gown. When Dr. Lizzy walks in, I start bawling.
“Thank God you’re here!” I cry, and she takes my outstretched hand. “I thought Josh was going to deliver the baby in the back of a minivan because I had a vision. Can pregnancy make you psychic?”
“Not that I know of.” She points at Josh. “Dad, the nurse has scrubs for you to change into and maybe she can get you a makeup wipe. Were you guys at a comic-con or something?”
“Birthday party,” we both reply in unison, and Josh runs off to change while the nurses hook me up to a million machines.
Dr. Lizzy finishes checking my cervix when Josh emerges dressed in blue scrubs, looking nothing like a pirate and a whole lot like my beloved Dr. Dick.
“So, Lynsey, I know your birth plan involved an epidural, but I’m afraid we have no time for that.”
“What?” I cry, a wave of pressure descending as another contraction hits.
Dr. Lizzy smiles sympathetically. “In fact, it’s time to push.”
“Now?” Josh and I both ask.
She nods. “You’re crowning.”
“That doesn’t sound good!” I exclaim, and then Josh grabs my hand and holds on tight as the nurse grabs my other. They sit me up and hold my legs.
“Push!” everyone yells at the same time.
I go completely silent as I follow orders, closing my eyes and bearing down with all my might. After a moment, Dr. Lizzy tells me to stop and breathe, and I sit back, gasping for air.
“You’re doing great, baby,” Josh says, pushing my hair out of my face.
“Oh, I’m so mad at you right now,” I groan, feeling every fucking pain in my lower body right now. “It’s such bullshit that baby deliveries all fall on the woman.”
“I know,” he says, staring down at me with a pained look.
“Fucking science, right?” I bark back. “Science is such a rip-off.”
“Total rip-off,” Josh parrots.
“And, now, I feel like you’re mocking me,” I groan, turning away from him, wishing someone would wipe the sweat off my face because I can’t be looking hot right now.
“I’m not mocking you,” Josh says, magically appearing with a wet towel as he dabs my forehead.
I look up at him sadly. “You’re a doctor, and I just said your profession is a rip-off.”
“It is a rip-off in this instance, which is why I’ll do all the night feedings for as long as you like,” Josh says hurriedly.
My brows lift. “That’s a nice gesture.”
“Anything for you, baby.” He drops a kiss to my forehead.
Then Dr. Lizzy yells at me to push again.
Man, she’s bossy.
My legs are back in position, and I give it all I have this time because I desperately want this to be over. I want this pain and this buildup and this anticipation to all be over.
What a journey the past six months have been. An asshole doctor turned one-night stand turned live-in lover turned baby daddy turned love of my life. All because I decided to sneak into a hospital cafeteria to write. I mean…as far as adorable meet cutes go, I think Josh and I kind of beat Kate and Miles’s tire shop thing, even if I did drop pie on his crotch. Although my story is likely ending with an episiotomy or at the very least, raging hemorrhoids so Kate definitely has one up on me there.
A baby crying has my jaw dropping, and I look down to see Dr. Lizzy plop a really gross creature on top of me. The nurses swarm me, wiping away the gooeyness and making it look a little less alien-like with each aggressive swipe.
“It’s a girl!” Dr. Lizzy exclaims and hands Josh a pair of scissors. “Dad, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?”
Josh looks at me with a big, proud smile while I revel over how much I love hearing him called Dad. His steady hands do a fine job, and they quickly swaddle my baby girl in a blue and pink blanket, placing a pink hat on her dark brown matted head. They lift her to me so I’m holding her, wincing at her battle cries.
Dr. Lizzy smiles from between my legs. “Talk to her, Lynsey. She’ll recognize your voice.”
I take a deep breath and swallow before saying the first thing that comes to mind, “The man fisted the woman’s large—”
“Baby,” Josh interjects with a look of shock. “You’re not quoting smut to our child right now, are you?”
“Um…no!” I exclaim, horrified that I almost did that. “I was just telling her a story about you fisting my big cankles the other night.”
Josh smiles and kisses my sweaty hair, reaching his finger out so our little peanut can grab him. She doesn’t look so creatury at all anymore. She looks like…a baby. Like…our baby.
My chin trembles when I see features of Lennon and Claire and Josh and me in her little face. She’s a miraculous mix of all the people I love the most. I stroke her downy-soft cheeks, smiling at her, blinking through my millions of tears.
I sniff and look up at my fiancé. “What do you think about calling her Julianna?”
Josh turns his loving gaze from our daughter to me. “Really?”
I nod and smile. “I think it’s beautiful and perfect.”
His eyes redden with tears. “I love you.” He kisses me chastely on the lips, and then looks down at our little girl. “And I love you,” he adds, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Julianna.”
“I love her more.” I clutch her to my cheek and want to commit every last detail of this moment to memory. “I love her so much that I want to turn to cannibalism because I want to eat this precious baby for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
I pull her fingers to my lips and murmur, “I wanna eat her wittle fingers and wittle toes and—” I look up at Josh and see that he’s blinking rapidly at me in alarm. I press my lips together and croak, “That sounded better in my head.”
He laughs and crawls onto the bed next to me so we can stare at our baby for a long while. Then he’s shaking beside me, tears running down his face. “Thank you, Jones.”
My chin trembles, and I can’t fight the enormous smile on my face. “Don’t mention it, Dr. Dick.”
And just like that…we’re a family.
A Few Months Later
I stride into the hospital cafeteria, and my eyes instantly find Lynsey sitting at her favorite table. My face splits into a giant smile at her open laptop, her papers and books spread out all over, and a diaper bag, purse, and stroller parked beside her. Plus, two slices of pie sitting off to the side.