"Lex, please, if I did something…"
"You didn't, Gideon. I just… I just have a lot on my mind."
I wanted to ask him if he wanted to talk about it, but I realized that if he had, he would've done so already. "Okay, I guess I'll go. Unless you need something else?"
Lex just shook his head. He actually looked disappointed. But that didn't make any sense because he seemed eager for me to leave. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him what the hell was going on when he said, "Thanks for the ride. Bye, Gideon."
Not “See you later, Gideon.” Not “I'll call you, Gideon.”
Bye, Gideon.
It was a dismissal, pure and simple.
I told myself it was a good thing as I made the drive back to my house. If being friends with Lex was anything like the roller coaster of emotions that it had been today, no thanks. I thought back to the panic attack he’d had outside the store. It had been heartbreaking to watch him fall apart like he had. I couldn't even imagine what he was going through when it came to the highs and lows of his condition. The smallest things would've been successes, but then just as easily, the simplest of tasks could be complete failures for him.
By the time I was pulling into my driveway, I was beyond frustrated. At Lex and at myself. He'd given me every reason to just dismiss him from my thoughts, but nothing I did accomplished that. I had no fucking clue how to get him out of my mind.
I got out of the truck and slammed the door shut. As I walked to the house, I called for Brewer, but the dog didn't appear at my side like he normally did. I looked over my shoulder and saw that he was still sitting in the bed of the truck. He was staring in the direction we’d just come from.
"Brewer!" I called, but the husky mix only turned his head for a moment to look at me, and then he was staring at the driveway again. He whined a few times and then he started howling.
"Brewer!" I yelled. My dog completely ignored me and continued with his sad calls. I tried one more time to get Brewer's attention but gave up when the animal refused to even acknowledge me. It was yet another rejection and I was full up on being rejected.
"Fine!" I snapped before heading to the house. Brewer's incessant howling followed me inside. I yanked off my coat and ended up throwing it in the direction of the wall where I usually hung it. I busied myself with looking through my cabinets to figure out what I wanted to make for dinner. Thankfully, Brewer's mournful howls came to an end after about five minutes. I settled on making some spaghetti. I had just gotten the water boiling for the pasta when my phone rang.
"What?" I bit out as I put the thing on speaker.
"Gideon?"
I hated that my heart leapt into my throat at the sound of Lex's voice. In that moment, I kind of hated Lex too. I hated him for what he'd done to me, what he’d turned me into. Logically, I knew it wasn't his fault, but I needed to vent my frustration somehow.
"What?" I asked again. I suspected my tone had startled Lex because he didn't respond right away. But I wasn't about to apologize to the man who was driving me crazy. I was sexually frustrated, but worse, he was making me question everything about myself. I’d envisioned spending the rest of my days in Fisher Cove in quiet solitude, but now that I finally had it, all I could think about was Lex.
"Are you here?" he asked finally. He definitely sounded nervous. I tried to tell myself I didn't care if I was the one who was making him nervous with my attitude. He was the one who’d started this whole thing by accepting me one minute and then pushing me away the next.
"Am I where?"
"Here. At the cabin."
"No."
"Well, Brewer is."
"What?" I asked in disbelief. I stepped over to the window and checked my truck. Sure enough, the bed was empty. I let out a streak of curses as I went back to the stove and turned off the burner. "I'll be right there," I barked and then I hung up on Lex.
I was in a pretty decent snit by the time I pulled my truck into Lex's driveway. Lex was sitting on his porch with Brewer pressed up against his legs, happily enjoying his attention. I wanted to strangle the dog and the man.
"Brewer, come!" I called as I got out of the truck.
The husky mix ignored me.
"Get your ass over here right now!" I yelled.
My dog didn't move toward me. But he did lie down. I instantly felt guilty for my harsh tone. I’d found Brewer on the side of the road a few months after I'd returned to Fisher Cove. The dog had been emaciated and scared to death, but he'd still come to me when I'd offered him some food. In addition to the obvious neglect, there had been signs that the dog had been abused at some point in his life, so it had taken me quite a while to fully earn his trust. Once I had, I'd been rewarded greatly.
I was about to crouch down and call Brewer to me in a more gentle manner when Lex climbed to his feet and said, "You don't need to be a dick, Gideon! You're obviously scaring him!"
He was right, of course. But to have him call me out on my behavior only served to worsen my mood. "Maybe he should be scared! I mean, obviously I'm a pretty shitty person to be around, so who can blame him for taking off?" I knew I was being petty and childish, but I was truly afraid of what I would do if I got anywhere near Lex. All the worry, confusion, and sexual frustration from the past week had been churning inside of me almost nonstop and I was afraid that even one more word from the man at the heart of it all would send me over. No, I’d never raise a hand to Lex, but I knew I could end up saying something I regretted.
I realized it had been a mistake to come here for my dog without trying to cool off first. "You know what, you two can have each other!" I yelled as I spun toward my truck.
"Maybe if you weren't a lying sack of shit, your dog wouldn't have taken off on you!" Lex shouted.
His words caught me off guard. I turned and saw that he was making his way down the porch and he was doing it surprisingly well. Of course, he had Brewer to offer him a little bit of extra support as he moved.
"I'm not the one who buries his head in the fucking sand every time things get hard!"
"Are you sure about that?" Lex asked. He'd made it to my truck and was standing just feet from me. His cheeks were bright red and his stunning eyes were brimming with anger. Anger that I still had no clue what the source was. "Isn't this entire fucking town one big sandbox to you?”
"You don't know what you're talking about!" I snarled.
"And you don't know when to tell the fucking truth!" Lex shot back.
"I don't know what you're talking—" I tried to say again.
"Aisle seven!" Lex snapped as he practically got in my face. "Aisle seven, Gideon!"
"Aisle seven?" I said in confusion. Despite my anger, my body was going crazy with desire as Lex's frame brushed against mine. My back was against the truck, so unless I pushed past him, there was no place to go to escape him. I fisted my hands to keep from grabbing him.
"I don't know what your game is, but don't use me to fuck around with the women you're screwing."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Delia and whatever other women you're fucking! Delia may be a self-absorbed bitch, but even she doesn't deserve to be played with." Lex actually stabbed me in the chest with his finger as he spoke while Brewer whined incessantly as he tried to push his body in between ours.