But as reality began to sink in, I took in the situation for what it was. I was standing half naked in the middle of my kitchen with a man I hardly knew. My dick was still firmly lodged between his ass cheeks and his semen was dripping onto my kitchen floor… my grandparents’ kitchen floor.
We might not have fucked in the traditional sense but there was no getting over the fact that I’d just had my first sexual experience with a member of my own sex.
And I’d loved every second of it.
Only now came the part where I actually had to figure out what it all meant.
Chapter Fifteen
Lex
I'd had plenty of those morning-after moments… the ones where it didn't even have to be morning. It usually entailed the guy I'd been with making some excuse for having to work early or late or whatever. In any case, as soon as they'd finished with me, they’d hurried out the door and I'd been left feeling bereft, used, and only slightly sated. But at least I’d still had my sight, so I’d been able to easily make my way home.
What had just happened with Gideon fell so far outside the normal "morning after" routine that I had no clue what to do next. So I did nothing. I stood there and waited for Gideon to make the first move.
It didn't take him long. All the heat and lingering pleasure from my orgasm seeped out of my body as Gideon stepped back from me. The mere act of his dick slipping free of the cradle of my ass cheeks served only to remind me that I'd put him there in the first place. I still couldn't believe my behavior. I'd been the one to turn what had been a few relatively tame caresses into a full-on sexual encounter right there in the man's kitchen. He had to hate me. He’d admitted that he hadn’t been with a man before, so what had I gone and done? I’d barely even waited for him to close the kitchen door before initiating the intense encounter.
Okay, maybe I hadn't initiated it, but I'd sure as shit encouraged it and I’d turned it into something I doubted he'd been ready for.
"I'll, uh, show you to the bathroom so you can clean up," Gideon said. I missed the heat of his body, but what I missed even more was that husky tone in his voice when he said my name.
Since I couldn't imagine spending even another few awkward seconds with the man, I said, "If you don’t mind, I think I can find it myself."
"Yeah, sure." That was all Gideon said in response and then I heard him moving around me. I found myself wishing he'd reach out and touch my arm or grab my fingers or do something to tell me that what had just happened wasn't a bad thing. That we’d get through this awkwardness and then go from there. But I didn't really know what “there” was. We couldn't really have a relationship, not with so many things standing in our way. And he'd said he hadn't wanted to use me as an experiment.
So what did that really leave? A physical relationship for as long as I remained in Fisher Cove? If he even wanted that, was that enough for me? I'd already been through something similar with Grady and it had nearly destroyed me. No, I didn't think Gideon would use me like Grady had, but the potential of falling for someone I couldn't have was a very real possibility with Gideon.
I forced myself to focus on getting to the bathroom. It meant thinking about things like what direction I'd been facing when I'd entered the kitchen. It was hard knowing that Gideon was likely watching me as I got my bearings, but that encouraged me to think more about how to get out of the room than anything else. I didn't have Brewer to help me, so I was on my own. I knew I could ask Gideon for help but that was the last thing I wanted to do.
It was slow going and there were a couple of dicey moments when I bumped into some furniture, but I made it to Gideon's bathroom. I'd only buttoned my pants after Gideon had pulled away from me, so it was easy enough to get my jeans down. I knew from my previous visit to the bathroom that there was a hand towel next to the sink. Since I didn't have any clue if there were other bath towels in the room, I ran that one under some warm water and began cleaning the sticky fluid from my cock and belly. The mere act had me remembering how hard I'd come.
For someone who hadn't been with a man before, Gideon had done a damn good job of making me forget that. I would've loved to have been able to see things like his arm wrapped around my waist. But since I'd been forced to rely on my other senses, I’d taken in things that I might not have otherwise. Like how tight Gideon had held me with the arm I hadn’t been able to see. And how he’d panted in my ear and whispered things that I wasn't even sure he’d realized he was saying.
"Get a grip, Lex," I told myself, because I could feel my dick responding to the mental images that were forming in my head.
After I finished my front, I focused on my back. My cheeks, the ones on my face, felt hot as I cleaned Gideon’s release from my back and between my ass.
So much for trying to keep myself from getting hard again. The mere thought of Gideon shooting all over my skin was making most of my blood run south.
I ended up running lines of code in my head as I finished getting cleaned up and then slowly made my way back to the kitchen. I could hear things like running water and the refrigerator door being repeatedly opened and closed. I also heard Gideon muttering under his breath. I was kind of glad I couldn’t hear the actual words, though.
The muttering stopped, as did all the other sounds a moment later, so I figured Gideon had seen me. That fact was confirmed when Gideon said, "Oh, there you are. Did you, um, want something to drink? Were you able to find what you needed in the bathroom? I was just getting started on the spaghetti. You're still hungry, right? I can make something besides spaghetti if you're not in the mood for that. I think I have some steaks in the freezer—"
"Gideon, breathe," I said as I tried to pinpoint where he was so I could move closer to him. I didn't think he was having a panic attack, but he was most certainly freaking out. I put my hands out in front of me and began moving in the direction I thought he was in. I almost shouted for joy when my fingers came into contact with his. I knew he had to be holding out his hand to me, but I hadn't heard him take steps forward, so I knew I'd closed the distance between us on my own. For some reason, that little success shifted everything for me in that moment. I forgot that I was supposed to be as nervous and confused as him. Instead, I found myself running my hands up each of his arms to his face. I marveled at the little bit of stubble I felt as I clasped his cheeks. It was the first time I was getting to “see” him, even if it was just with my hands.
"Just breathe," I reminded the man before me. I felt like a jackass for how selfish I'd been. I'd been worried about how awkward things were for me afterwards, but I could only begin to imagine what Gideon was going through. When I'd had sex for the first time, or even been kissed for the first time, I'd at least known I was gay. From everything Gideon had said, his newfound sexuality had been completely unexpected. I wasn't sure how long he’d had to process his attraction to another guy, but he’d gone from kissing one to an intense sexual encounter within a matter of minutes, so he had to be feeling anxious about that.
"Sorry," Gideon breathed. I liked that he didn't try to move away from me. In fact, it seemed like he'd stepped into me, making it easier for me to caress his face.