"Yeah, Mrs. Goldfinch. She recognized me from that day. The only thing she talked about more than you, Gideon, was her grandkids. I think I spent at least forty-five minutes in the canned vegetables section listening to her tell me what an amazing man you are. She said you plow all the streets and private driveways when there's snow and no matter what fundraiser is going on, you always contribute to it. She said you helped her and her husband fix their house when there was water damage from a broken pipe and that any time some hiker goes missing in the area, you’re out there night and day searching for them."
Between Lex's gentle voice and his hypnotic touch as he stroked my hair, I could only lie there and listen as he spoke. I opened my mouth to tell him those things were nothing, but he beat me to the punch by saying, "You've touched so many lives without even trying, Gideon. Even if you don't want to be a part of the world, the world obviously wants you to be a part of it. I think that’s something that Bethie would be incredibly proud of. And if this is who you are even after suffering such a terrible, unimaginable loss, then what does that say about the man you were before you lost part of your family?" Lex paused and then I felt his lips caressing my forehead. "Your life is not over, Gideon. Do you hear me?" Lex asked, parroting nearly the same exact words I'd said to him weeks earlier.
There were a million things I wanted to say to him like how I didn't deserve his respect or admiration or how I'd played a role in what had happened to Bethie, but his faith in me felt like too much of a gift. He could've just as easily turned his back on me when I’d pushed him away, but he hadn't. I didn't know what any of it meant and I was honestly too tired to think about it.
"Lex?" I murmured as my eyes grew heavy. I hadn't slept much in the past week except for when I'd been passed out in a drunken stupor.
"Hmmm?" Lex responded.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked. I knew I didn't deserve his kindness after the harsh things I'd said to him earlier, but I needed it just the same. I didn't know how to tell him that though. Fortunately, I didn't have to because his response was both simple and instant.
"Yes."
Chapter Nineteen
Lex
Fight for him, Lex. You're stronger than you think.
Those had been King's words of advice after I'd told my brother about Gideon. He'd been absolutely right. I'd used every bit of the love in my heart, tough and gentle alike, to try and bring Gideon back and it had seemingly worked. No, it hadn't been an instant fix, but after nearly three weeks, I was starting to see little bits and pieces of the man I'd fallen in love with return.
Gideon and I spent the first week doing nothing more than lying in bed together. When he hadn't been clinging to me after a random memory would cause him to dissolve into tears, he would lie in my arms in complete silence. I'd worried about him, of course, but I'd also known he was going through the very thing he'd refused to go through immediately after his daughter had died.
Grief.
So I hadn't pushed him to do anything but mentally work through the reality that his child really was gone. By the second week, he’d been emotionally and physically worn out and so I hadn’t been able to get him to do much more than get out of bed long enough to eat something. I'd paid Andre handsomely to go out and find us food each day that was something we could just microwave, since I hadn’t been comfortable enough to cook for myself, let alone Gideon. Not that Gideon had eaten much, but by the end of the second week, he’d started to join me at the table and had picked at his food. The only way I'd known that was because after he’d left the table, I'd felt around his plate to see how much food was still sitting on it.
It was usually a lot.
Andre had returned Brewer to Gideon's house the day after I'd confronted Gideon about needing to deal with his grief. Brewer had already wormed his way into my heart, but when I'd heard the dog was the reason Gideon had hung on for as long as he had, he'd claimed a large chunk of it for life.
But no one had lodged themselves more firmly in my heart than Gideon had.
I had no doubt that I was in love with him. Deeply and completely. I couldn't even pinpoint the exact moment when it had happened.
It had just been.
And I had no clue what to do about it.
Despite everything we’d been through together, nothing had really changed. His life was here and mine was in LA. I didn't even want to consider that even if Gideon became more comfortable with his newfound sexuality, it didn't mean he'd want to spend his life with someone like me. While I'd learned to move easily around my cabin, and more recently Gideon's house, the fact was that it wouldn't be so easy to adjust to life outside the little bubble that Fisher Cove provided.
So I did my best not to dwell on the fact that I’d lost my heart to the man I held in my arms every night as he mourned. I just focused on bringing him back the way he’d brought me back without even realizing it.
By the third week, Gideon had started to get back into his routine of checking on the cabins. I'd fully expected him to take me back to my cabin and for us to either go our separate ways or maybe try the whole friend thing again, but to my surprise, the first morning when he’d left to check the cabins out, he’d brushed a kiss across my lips and had asked me if I needed anything from my cabin or if I wanted something from town. I'd tried to write it off as him just needing my presence for a little longer, but admittedly, I was getting too used to living the strange little domestic life that we’d somehow fallen into.
Even though Gideon fell asleep in my arms every night, we hadn't been intimate in any kind of way. It hadn't even been on my radar because it just wasn't something Gideon needed to be thinking about at the moment. But it was certainly on my mind now as Gideon started to get his life back on track. I wanted him more than ever, but I was afraid of what would happen if we did make love. How would I ever be able to let him go after something like that?
In addition to not talking about our relationship, we hadn't talked about Gideon's family at all. I was desperate to know about his other daughter, specifically where she was, but I knew that if and when he wanted to discuss it with me, he’d let me know.
"Lex? Are you here?" I heard Gideon call as he entered the kitchen. I'd been exploring his living room in more detail in the hopes that I could learn more about the man I'd fallen so hard for.
"In here," I responded.
Butterflies danced in my belly as I heard Gideon approach. He’d taken Brewer with him but when I didn't feel the dog greet me, I assumed he’d left the husky outside. While Brewer enjoyed spending time with us in the house, he was definitely an outdoor type of dog because he could easily spend hours exploring the woods around Gideon's house.
"Hey," Gideon said before he brushed a kiss over my cheek. As much as I cherished little moments like these with him, I also wondered if he'd ever kiss me for real again. It was hard to lie next to him night after night and not dream about his weight pressing me into the mattress or his mouth consuming mine. The familiar shivers of anticipation assailed my body even as Gideon stepped away from me.