"You don't have to get me off, Gideon," I bit out. "I know it's your first time with a guy, but it's different."
"Different how?" Gideon asked. I tried to move again to get out from underneath him, but he used his heavier weight to hold me down.
"For guys it's just about the getting off. Usually I take care of myself at the same time that I'm…" I could feel the heat in my cheeks building as I struggled to find the right words. But there were none.
"You take care of yourself?"
"Yes!" I said in exasperation. Why wasn't he getting it?
"When they're done, guys are just done. Tops don't always—"
"Tops?" Gideon interjected.
"The guys doing the fucking," I explained. For once, I was glad I couldn't see the expression on his face. Not only was I having to give him an impromptu how-to-be-gay lesson, I was doing a piss-poor job of it.
"When a top comes, it's…" I sighed and said, "Can we just forget the whole thing? Let me up, please."
But since Gideon was Gideon, he didn't move. "So what you're telling me is that if the guy who is fucking you comes first, your pleasure isn’t really important?"
I sighed. "No… Well, yes, I guess. But it's not really like that. It's just that…"
"It's just what?" Gideon asked softly.
This time, though, I held my tongue. Truth was, I wasn't even sure what I was trying to say anymore. I just felt like an idiot for opening my mouth in the first place.
"Lex—"
"See, Gideon, this is what I do!" I snapped. "I fuck things up. I talk too much in bed and I don't say things right and the guy I'm with doesn't really want to hear…"
"Hear what, baby?"
The endearment had my heart pounding furiously in my chest. "You shouldn't call me that," I murmured, even though I’d meant to order him not to call me that. I liked it way too much.
"I shouldn't call you what, baby?" he asked just as gently.
I growled and then tried to shove at his shoulders. "Let me up."
"No," Gideon responded simply. "This gorgeous mouth of yours,"—Gideon pressed a kiss over my lips—"turned my legs into jelly, so I don't have the strength to chase after you. And I sure as shit am not letting you go."
"Gideon," I said sadly. He kissed me again, effectively silencing me.
"The other thing about this mouth is that I love everything that comes out of it." His lips skimmed mine again. "I don't know what kind of assholes you’ve had the bad luck of meeting before, but I doubt the gay guy handbook says anything about the top guy getting off while the bottom guy is on his own. I watched some videos on the internet, Lex. I definitely saw a lot of the guys on the bottom getting their happy ending."
"Those videos are—"
"Hot," Gideon interjected. "And if you insist on telling me that they're fake, then you're not watching the right ones." Gideon's mouth hovered against mine as he added, "I think you and I are going to need to watch one together so I can describe to you what's happening in great detail."
Before I could respond, Gideon's mouth closed over mine and he kissed me so deep and so well that my toes actually curled. The hard-on that had started to wane the more Gideon and I had talked came back with a vengeance. I forgot all about the fact that Gideon and I weren't seeing eye to eye on this particular issue. By the time Gideon tore his mouth from mine, I was desperately grinding my hips against his. I still, sadly, had pants on while Gideon didn't. I really, really needed to do something about that.
But with Gideon's heavy weight on top of me, there wasn't much I could do. I couldn’t even get my hand between our bodies so I could jerk myself off. Even trying to rub one out by sliding my clothed dick over his naked one was doing nothing to ease the coil of tension in my belly.
Gideon kept on kissing me and while his lips would occasionally trail down to my chest, neither his mouth nor his hands drifted lower than my belly. I couldn't control the little whimpers of frustration bubbling up from my throat.
"Gideon," I pleaded as I moved my hands down to his ass. Since most of the guys I'd been with had always taken me from behind, I'd never gotten to play with their backsides unless I'd been blowing them, and even then, a few of them had been iffy on having any kind of contact back there. Gideon's ass was pretty epic, so it was hard to keep my hands to myself. But no amount of squeezing got him moving against me the way I wanted.
The deep, hungry kisses that Gideon had been bestowing on me eased considerably. They were replaced with soft butterfly kisses that I would've loved any other time, but not at the moment. "Gideon," I ground out as I once again tried to get him moving.
"Tell me what you want, Lex," Gideon breathed against my mouth.
I shook my head because I couldn't do that. I couldn't tell him what I really wanted.
"Do you want me to fuck you?" Gideon asked.
I swore that a gallon’s worth of pre-cum leaked out of the head of my cock just from the way Gideon said the word “fuck.”
I nodded eagerly.
"Say it," Gideon demanded. Then he pumped his hips against mine once. Only once.
"Yes!" I cried out and then I dragged his mouth down to mine. I tried to make him move against me again, but he was steadfastly still. I felt like my entire body was breaking apart into a million pieces because I was so desperate to come.
"Is that really what you want?" Gideon asked as his lips closed first over my upper lip, then my lower. My body began to shake violently and I shook my head.
"Tell me, baby," Gideon whispered. "Tell me what you want, Lex."
It was too much. It was all too much. I wanted to tell him that I never asked for things anymore because I couldn't stand the disappointment of not getting them.
I’d wanted the men I’d been with to give me pleasure because they’d wanted to, not because they’d felt obligated to.
I'd wanted Grady to love me for me, not the money I'd spent on him.
I'd wanted all those foster parents to keep me because I'd been worth keeping, not because I'd come with a monthly check.
But I'd asked for those things before and the answers had always been the same.
You're not our real kid, Lex.
You're not worth a real relationship, Lex.
You're just a one-night stand, Lex.
You're not the person I really want to be with, Lex.
"Gideon," I cried, hating the hot tears that began to stripe down my face. "Please. Please make me come! I need you! Please!"
Before I'd even finished begging, Gideon's mouth was on mine and his nimble fingers stripped my jeans clean off my body. It took just seconds for his flesh to come into contact with mine. "Wrap your legs around me," Gideon demanded as he linked his left hand with my right one and held it above my head. I did what he said and wrapped my legs around his waist. His right hand slipped beneath my backside and gripped me hard. He held me in place as he began grinding our dicks together. The friction had me seeing stars and the coil inside of me grew tighter and tighter, frightening me with its intensity.