She’d wink at me and say “yes” even though she knew it was me and my brother Matt that ate them all, even after she said, “leave some for your father.”
Sit down with a glass of milk, pass out some cookies, and make a few memories of your own. Life’s short. It’ll be over before you know it.
Enjoy.
CHOCOLATE CAKE WITH CREAM CHEESE FROSTING
DIFFICULTY: This isn’t difficult, but making the frosting look good is unnerving.
TIME: An hour by the time it’s all over.
What you’ll need from the cupboard: Parchment paper. 9” round cake pans. A saucepan. The cooling rack. A whisk. 3 mixing bowls. The electric mixer. 2 spoons. A frosting spreader. A rubber spatula. A pencil. Scissors. A nice decorative plate or platter. Or, if you have it, a cake pedestal with lid.
What you’ll need from the pantry: 3 eggs. 3-1/2 sticks of unsalted butter. 2 cups of flour. 2 8-ounce packages of Philadelphia Cream Cheese. 2-1/2 cups of powdered sugar. 1-1/2 teaspoons of baking soda. 3/4 teaspoon of baking powder. Salt. 2 cups of granulated sugar. Vanilla extract. 1/4 cup of whole milk.1/4 cup of heavy cream. 3/4 cup of cocoa powder. Pam Cooking Spray.
A few days prior to our birthday, my mother would lean into the opening of the kitchen’s door (she spent every waking moment in the kitchen) and ask us, “What cake would you like?” while we were watching television.
We were always given the option. My father, when asked, would cock an eyebrow and glare at my mother. “You know good goddamned well what I want.” Then, he’d look at us and grin. “Get ready for a slice of heaven.”
He was right. The two-layer cake he loved was heavenly. In my opinion, chocolate cake should only be frosted one way—with cream cheese frosting.
Let’s get started.
Set one cake pan on the parchment paper and trace the outline of the pan. Using the scissors, cut this outline out, making it 1/4 smaller (total) than what you’ve drawn. Using the one you’ve got cut out as a pattern, cut another.
Spray the inside of the pans thoroughly with Pam.
Place the parchment paper cut-outs in the bottom of each cake pan.
Set the cake pans aside.
In your saucepan, combine a 1/4 cup of milk with 1-1/4 cups of water. Bring to a quick boil and remove from heat immediately (before anything evaporates).
Set this aside.
Preheat oven to 350.
Dump the flour, baking soda, and baking powder into one of the mixing bowls. Whisk it until it’s mixed well.
Set this aside.
Grab the rubber spatula and your electric mixer.
Take bowl number two and add 1-1/2 sticks of unsalted (softened) butter. Use the electric mixer and beat it until it’s smooth. Scrape the sides with the rubber spatula to make sure there’s no unbeaten chunks. Add the 2 cups of granulated sugar a little at a time, beating it with the mixer as you add it.
Add the 3/4 cup of cocoa powder, a little at a time. Continue mixing at medium speed until mixed well.
Turn mixer to medium low. Add an egg. Mix well. Add another egg. Mix well. Add the last egg. Mix well.
Add the 2 cups of flour, a little at a time (1/2 cup at a time) to the batter mix, beating it at low speed as you’re adding it. This isn’t a time-consuming process that takes forever or anything, just a little precautionary measure to prevent clumps of flour (they’re the devil’s work in a chocolate cake).
Set the mixer aside but keep your rubber spatula handy.
You know what? Rubber spatulas are such fun. I may or may not have smacked Jessica’s ass with one a time or two. We weren’t in the kitchen, though.
Pahahaha.
Grab your saucepan, which is now hot, but not scalding. Add the milk-water mix to the cake batter, stirring with the rubber spatula as you pour it in. Scrape the side, making sure all is mixes well.
When it’s mixed well, pour it into the cake pans in steps. You don’t need to do it in steps for any reason other than making sure you don’t overfill one, and underfill the other. So, if you’ve got a keen eye, just dump the shit.
Use the spatula to scrape the excess out, making sure to keep things even between the pans. When they’re filled, place them in the oven and make note of the time.
Cook the cakes for 30 minutes, or until the edges start to pull away from the pan (at this point, you can poke a toothpick in the center and see if it comes out clean, or tap the center of the cake with your fingertip and see if it bounces back. If it bounces back, it’s done all the way through.
Remove from the oven and place on the wire rack cake side up.
Let cool for 15 minutes.
Turn the pans over and let them cool until the center of the pan is cool to the touch. Peel away two sheets of parchment paper that are roughly 15” long, each (3” larger than cake on each side).
Lift each pan slightly from the cooling rack and slide the parchment paper beneath them. Shake the pans (lightly) to dislodge the cakes. You’re not shaking some sense into your 13-year-old son, you’re dislodging a cake. Take it easy.
Peel away the sheets of parchment paper that are stuck to the bottom of the cake (the bottom that’s looking up, not the “new” bottom.
Isn’t it nice not having big chunks of cake missing that are stuck to the pans?
Using the parchment paper to slide or lift the cake, place cake number one on the platter you’re intending to use as a display.
Smile at your accomplishment.
Grab the last clean mixing bowl. Get your heavy cream within reach. Put the 2 sticks of softened butter and the 2 packages of softened cream cheese in the bowl. Mix on medium-high until it’s smooth and creamy, scraping the sides with the rubber spatula to ensure there’s no butter clumps.
Although butter clumps aren’t as bad as flour clumps, they’re pretty bad when it comes to frosting.
Add the 2-1/2 cups of powdered sugar in 3 parts, mixing at low speed. Don’t spend much time here, just mix and pour.
Add a teaspoon of vanilla and a dash of salt.
Increase the speed of the mixer a step at a time until you’re just a click below high. Beat until it’s fluffy and yummy looking.
Still mixing at medium-high speed, add the 1/4 cup of heavy cream. Mix until blended thoroughly.
Lift the mixer from the frosting and shake the excess off the beaters.
Remove the beaters and lick them clean.
Take the frosting to the cake that’s on a platter and frost the top of the cake only. Carefully lift the second cake and place it on top of the freshly frosted one.
Using the frosting spreader, frost the top and sides.
When you’re done making the pattern of your choice on the surface of the frosting, step back and smile.
Baking a cake is such an accomplishment.
Serve with coffee, milk, or (Jessica’s favorite) sweet wine.
One day, make this “just because.”
Surprise everyone with it. Cake makes people smile.
Including my dad and me.
Enjoy.
OATMEAL COOKIES
DIFFICULTY: The only difficulty here is keeping your hand out of the cookie jar.
TIME: 13 and a half minutes (plus sitting in fridge time).
What you’ll need from the cupboard: Cookie sheet. Mixing bowl. Spatula. Rubber spatula. The cooling rack. A frosting spreader (yes, a frosting spreader).