And isn’t that what prostitution is? A contract between two consenting adults involving sex and money?
Anger burns my throat.
I feel insulted that he would offer to pay me. It cheapened the experience that I had with him. I don’t even know why he felt the need to offer me money. Did he think I was that cheap and could be bought after I rebuffed his advances to take me out of the club?
I bite my thumbnail, remembering the look of want in his eyes. I fucking want him too.
I’m tempted. The kind of money he was offering could make such a huge difference in my life. I could pay off my student loans, my car payment and stash the money away for future investments. There’s no shortage of things I could do with that money. And it means I’d get him. I’d get to live out a forbidden desire that keeps me awake late at night.
Do whatever you want with it. It will still mean you’re whore, that annoying voice at the back of my head whispers.
I grit my teeth, angry that I’m even considering his offer. But at the same time, I’m breathless just thinking about it. The very idea of being paid for makes my body tingle with excitement and exhilaration. It’s something forbidden. And that in and of itself is tempting.
“But I am not a whore.” I mutter, closing the textbook on my desk. It’s not like I could focus on it anyway.
Every time I’m with him, I feel safe. Even though there is something behind his eyes that scares me, something that warns me away, it’s what draws me to him. I know I love the way he turns me on and how he gets me off. I’ve never experience anything this sexually intense with anyone. And I think… I bite down on my thumbnail again, staring aimlessly straight ahead, I think I want to give myself to him.
I need to shake this off. I want to just pretend like he never offered it, but I know the topic of me going beyond the safety of club acts is going to come up again. Not only that, but he’s going to keep withholding himself from me. At first I didn’t get what he was doing, but now I know exactly what he’s been up to. I should be happy, I get all the rewards of being an obedient pet to him, and I don’t have to pleasure him in the least. But I want to. I feel like I need to. Even worse, the pit of my stomach sinks as I think I’m failing him. He gives me so much, and I give him nothing. I groan, arching my neck back and staring at the ceiling. Why is this so fucking complicated? Why can’t I just be normal?
I flip open my laptop to my document for my book, brushing the hair out of my face and ready to focus on something else, anything else. My fingers itch to tap away at the keys and get out all of my frustration by getting lost in the world of romance. I stare at the cursor blinking on the screen of the blank Word document for several moments as I run through the images of me with Sir in my head for inspiration. My breath comes in shallow and my thighs clench. After a moment, I close my eyes, place my hands over the keys and begin writing the scene that plays before my eyes.
It’s quarter past eight and I can’t get him out of my head. His chiseled, handsome smile, his rock hard abs, and his thick 10-inch cock. Fuck. He so sexy. I can’t stop thinking about his slicked back dark hair, or the way he looks at me. His incredible eyes bore into me with an intensity that makes my skin burn with desire. I’ve never met a man that’s looked at me in this way, who’s made me feel this way. His hands caress my body, running along every curve, making me feel like a possession. Like he owns me.
A soft groan escapes my lips as I feel myself clenching below. I need his hands on me now, caressing me, feeling me. I want to be fucked hard and…
My eyes pop back open and I suck in a deep breath, pulling my hands off the keys. I was getting carried away with the last passage. I swallow the tightness in my throat and shift in my seat. I shouldn’t be ashamed, it’s what some books are about. I place a hand on my chest as my breathing picks up. But I don’t want my heroine to come off as a horny horn dog the entire book. At least not hornier than the male lead.
I want this story to be...
I purse my lips, wondering how I can make something that’s just about sex… something more. The darkness in Sir’s eyes immediately come to me. They stare back at me, luring me to write about them. About what happened in his past that made him into the dominating man he is today. I place my elbow on the desk, my pointer tapping on my bottom lip as I wonder if he’ll tell me. I imagine my heroine, she had the courage to ask. If she met a man like Sir…
What would she do? Chewing my bottom lip, I sit there for a moment and try to come up with something. But all I can think about is how the heroine in my book has the courage and strength that I don’t.
After a moment I get up from my seat, deciding to pull inspiration from one of my many romances. The second my ass leaves the seat, I hear a tell-tale ping. I sag back into the seat, clicking on the email notification pop up on my screen.
I crinkle my nose at the sender. It’s from the director of the counseling department. I wonder what it could be about. My heart jumps as I read the subject line. What the fuck?
From: James Cricket
To: Lilly Wade
Subject: Notice of Severance
Dear Lilly Wade,
You are receiving this email because you are part of a counseling internship program that has been defunded by state lawmakers.
Over the last year, Children in Need Foundation has fought tooth and nail to keep the funding for our program. We realize how important it is that children who are disadvantaged get the help that they need so they can get a fair shot at life.
Unfortunately, the city council doesn’t think so and has voted to take away the funds that keep Children in Need Foundation running.
What this means is that all members working under this program are being terminated forthwith and you will no longer be employed by the Department of Education.
It saddened us deeply to have to send out this message to all our hard-working employees, knowing how much so many of you care about these children and how you all want to make a difference in their lives.
The world needs more people like you and the entire Children in Need family wishes you all luck in future employment. Don’t hesitate to use us as a reference for any future employers, you will all receive our highest and most glowing recommendation.
In the meantime, we will be doing everything in our power to get funded in the future.
Yours Truly,
James Cricket
President & CEO of Children in Need Foundation
My body is like ice as I sit there, staring at the screen, numb with shock. I can’t believe what I just read. My eyes stop at every word, not wanting to comprehend what’s written on the screen. I’m hoping that this is some sort of cruel joke. But when I check the sender address, I know that it’s real. A pulsing pain hits me out of nowhere in my temples. I wince and seethe in a breath, rubbing my suddenly throbbing temples. Great. Now I have a fucking headache.
I continue to massage my temples, hoping it would all just go away. I just can’t get over how sudden this is. I really wasn’t expecting it. My heart squeezes in my chest as it really hits me. I just lost my job. I lost my fucking job. And the kids… fuck. The pounding in my head intensifies as I focus on just breathing.
For a while now, I knew that I could depend on this job, that I would remain employed until I was done with school.