I nod my head. “Yes.” I’m more than worried. I think you want to get rid of me as soon as this contract is over. You don’t want to deal with what’s hurting you. Just thinking the words brings tears to my eyes. I’m hoping desperately that I’m wrong and I’m just imagining things. But I know I’m not.
“Then that’s my fault.” My breath catches at my throat at the pain reflected in his eyes. “I’m sorry I failed you in that respect, Katia.”
Oh God no. My heart pounds in my chest and my breath comes in pants as I cry, “No, Master. You haven’t failed me at all.” I’m trying to stay calm. We can talk our way through this. I can help him. Please just give me something.
“I have.” His words are emotionless, as if he doesn’t see me breaking down right in front of him. God, he’s fucking killing me! “Your worries are mine, not the other way around.”
I tremble at his feet and try not to break down, hoping this is all just a bad dream. It isn’t real.
“Go to your room,” he orders coldly, not appearing to notice my distress.
I look at him, seeing the pain in his eyes, and feel defiance. He can’t fucking blow me off like this. He doesn’t have to do this. “No,” I say rebelliously. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He reaches down, gripping my chin. “Go,” he growls right in front of my face, his hot breath sending chills down my neck and shoulders. “Now.” His voice holds a threat. But I don’t care.
I try to shake my head, but can’t. He’s holding my head in place. “No,” I say breathlessly, my heart beating frantically. “I don’t want to leave you. I feel like you don’t want me anymore.” It hurts saying the words and admitting the truth.
At first, pain flashes in his beautiful eyes, but then anger twists Isaac’s handsome face. He releases my chin and rises to his feet, pulling me up along with him. “Is that what you want?” he growls, grabbing me by the hips and pulling me into his hard body. He takes both my arms and pins them behind my back, his powerful grip sending sparks of want through my body. I just want this passion. Always.
“Yes,” I whisper. “Take me. Use me. Do whatever you want with me.” I just want to help you.
Isaac stares at me for a long moment, his chest heaving, and then without a word, he pulls me from the room, dragging me down the long hallway. I don’t resist as he takes me all the way to my room, opens the door, and slings me into the room.
“Please stay!” I cry imploringly, scrambling to my feet and rushing for the door. “Talk to me, Isaac! What did I do wrong?” Let me fix you.
“Nothing, Katia. There’s nothing you did wrong.” His voice is hard, but at least he’s talking to me.
“Just tell me, tell me what happened! I want to fix it. I want you back!”
He stares at me for a moment, his expression vulnerable, wanting and raw. He needs me. His grip tightens on the door and I swear it’s so hard it’s going to crack. Isaac, please, just tell me.
“Stay,” he commands.
Before I can get there, he slams it shut with powerful force.
I stand there staring at the door, a range of powerful emotions running through me. Pain, sadness. Rage. I feel so helpless, so incredibly lost. I don’t know what’s going to happen from here, but something tells me this could be the end.
I bring my hands to my collar, wanting to take it off and throw it against the wall in rage. If he’s going to just break up with me at the end of our contract, why draw it out? It only has a few days left. I should just get it over with now. I place my finger over the latch, my heart racing as tears stream down my face. But I can’t bring myself to do it.
I don’t know what he’s feeling or going through right now, but I know one thing for sure.
I want to be his.
Chapter 29
Isaac
She thinks I’m in pain.
I’m the one needing help?
She’s wrong.
I pace my office, hearing her words over and over. A rage building inside of me. I’m not broken. I’m not in pain. I have a scarred past, I know that. But I’m fucking fine.
I breathe in, ragged and trying to calm myself. She shouldn’t be trying to fix me. Or heal me.
That’s not her place.
And it’s not mine to require that from her.
I knew I should have sent her away.
Selfish! It was selfish of me, and now I’m paying the price.
She’s paying the price.
I run my hand down my face, clenching my jaw and trying to calm down, but as the anger wanes, a sadness replaces it. My body trembles as I sink into the leather chair at my desk, my breathing erratic.
I don’t deserve her. Not at all.
She shouldn’t have to bear my pain. It’s not her burden. I can’t ask her to live with a man like me.
I lean forward, rubbing my forehead with my hand and closing my eyes tightly, wanting to deny it, but I can’t. I’m not worthy of her.
She needs to get out. Now.
I’ve already been thinking of reasons to keep her.
There are two days left, but I can’t continue. My Katia is full of happiness; a purity has survived in her that I will taint. I can’t do that to her.
I won’t.
I rise from my desk, feeling a surge of conviction and hating it. I fucking hate who I am. I hate that I’m only capable of breaking and scarring and causing pain.
Feeling the rage coming back, I swipe at the clutter on my desk as I scream in fury, spewing it over the floor, the papers fluttering in the air as if taunting me.
She needs to leave. She needs to go now.
I can’t have her here. I’ll hurt her. I know I will.
“Katia!” I scream her name so loudly it makes my throat feel raw. “Katia!” I yell even louder, anger apparent in my tone. I’ve never called her for like this. I stare at the open door, and when she doesn’t instantly appear, I stomp over the papers and folders now scattered on the floor and grip the door as I swing it open harder, slamming it against the wall and storming toward her room.
It’s not like her not to come when I call. It’s my anger, I nod my head at the thought as I approach her doorway.
For a moment, I think maybe she’s already gone.
Maybe I scared her away. She knew she needed to leave a monster like me.
My heart stops and I nearly topple forward, bracing myself against the wall.
No.
I take in a breath, torn between the pain that just the thought caused me, and the necessity to save her.
I feel torn into two, and I don’t know which side will win. I want to keep her forever. I don’t want to deny these feelings I have for her any longer. But I want to save her beautiful light from my darkness.
I need to let her go.
I take the last few steps with my eyes closed and slowly open them as I walk into her room, half expecting to find it empty, but she’s there.
Kneeling on the floor.
She’s naked, in only my chains and even with a sadness surrounding her, a hint of anger even, she’s perfect in her submission.
“Get dressed, Katia,” I manage to say easily. I need her to leave. Now. Before I lose my resolve.