I threw my palms up and then tapped on my watch, letting him know Ben was running out of time and I was getting worried.
Jim pointed behind me.
I twisted around as the studio door flew open with ten seconds left on the song.
Ben moved swiftly by me, sat down, slid his headphones on, and turned on the microphone just as the song ended. “You’re listening to Dr. Tough Love, here with my sidekick, Lori, in all her glory.”
“Cohost.”
“I would like to thank the paramedics at the San Diego Fire Department for coming in to resuscitate me during that song. I almost didn’t make it. Let’s take another call.” He pressed line two on the control board. “Pablo in Mission Valley, welcome to the show. What’s going on this morning?”
“I have an embarrassing problem with my neighbors,” Pablo said. “They have this desire to live curtain and clothing free.”
Ben chuckled. “Your neighbors are exhibitionists?”
“Big time.”
“And where are you seeing this from? The street? The backyard? If you tell me that you have binoculars, I’m hanging up on you.”
“No, no. Nothing like that. My home office is on the second floor and it looks right into their family room and kitchen. I can see everything.”
“They’re naked in the kitchen with utensils and everything?”
“They’re naked everywhere.”
I jumped in. “There are worse problems to have with your neighbors, Pablo.”
“Well, well . . .” Ben said. “It sounds like Pablo needs to add an extra chair to his office for Lori and have a bag of popcorn waiting.”
“Can I make a point?”
“Can you make a good one?”
I ignored my annoying cohost. “I’ll give you some examples of bad neighbor problems. Noise from late-night parties while you’re trying to sleep, suspected criminal behavior, unruly children traipsing on your property, offensive odors coming from their home. These are more bothersome than two people walking around in the buff in their own home. I don’t have a problem with what they’re doing as long as they aren’t standing on the windowsills trying to flash me. And before Mr. Tough Stuff has a chance to disagree with me, let me ask you, what exactly are you witnessing? I mean, are they just walking around naked all day?”
“Lori wants to know if you can see them doing the deed.”
I cocked my head to the side. “Can you stick something in your mouth to keep words from coming out?” I pretended to rustle through my purse. “I may have a sock, hang on.”
“You keep one sock in your purse? What else do you have in there? One glove? Are you going to sing ‘Billie Jean’ next?”
I ignored him. “Pablo, are you still there?”
“Yes, and to answer your question, I can see them having sex. I don’t know how they do it, but they’re like rabbits.”
“Well, if you can see them, you know exactly how they do it.”
“What I mean is . . . they’re on the older side, so I’m just surprised they have so much energy at that age.”
Ben arched an eyebrow. “Lori, maybe you should take this one since you’re older than me.”
He didn’t know my age and I didn’t know his, so he was obviously on a mission to rub me the wrong way. I needed to stay strong and focus on the topic at hand even though I wanted to bop him on the head with something.
Lucky for him he was out of bopping range.
“How old are you?” I asked. “And before you answer, I want to let you know that the bell rang and your recess is over.”
Ben didn’t hesitate to answer. “I’m forty.”
I blinked. “Me, too.”
“What month were you born?”
“May.”
This time Ben hesitated and arched an eyebrow. “Me, too. Day?”
“Seventeenth.”
“Eighteenth.” He grinned. “You’re older than me. Age before beauty. Please continue.”
I ground my teeth. “There’s been a lot of research done in this area. And it is well-documented that people can have active sex lives well into their late sixties and early seventies.”
“Oh, they’re much older than that,” Pablo said.
“Hold on. Wait a minute.” Ben adjusted his microphone. “How old are they?”
“My neighbor across the street told me they both just turned eighty.”
“Wow! Octogenarian exhibitionists! Welcome to Inappropriateville, USA. Come on in but leave your shoes and clothes at the door!”
“Speaking of that, every time we go over to get them to stop, they try to get my wife and me to go inside their house. They’ve done it three times.”
Ben laughed. “Octogenarian exhibitionists who are swingers, too? Okay, I don’t know what to think anymore. I only hope I can get that image out of my head.”
“I still don’t have a problem with it,” I said. “I think it’s admirable that a couple their age are still intimate and sexually active. Kudos to them for showing the world that it’s never too late for anything. They are an inspiration.”
Ben crossed his arms and slid his glasses down his nose, studying me. “So, they’re inspiring you to have an active sex life up until you’re eighty?"
I stared at him. “Sure. Why not?”
He pushed his glasses back up and nodded. “Okay, then. I think I’ll do the same thing. Sex until I’m eighty. Sounds like a plan.”
I smirked. “Yes, but the difference is I will have a partner.”
Take that!
Ben grinned appreciatively at my zinger.
My celebration of finally scoring a point against him was short-lived. The rest of the show, Ben didn’t let up the relentless pressure on me, looking for any opening to let me have it.
Who are we pretending here? This isn’t going to work.
At least I figured out what he was up to.
Ben was trying to get me to quit.
And I was running out of reasons not to.
Chapter Seven
LORI
After the show ended, Ben and I marched through the newsroom side-by-side toward Kyle’s office, like Siamese twins who had become mortal enemies and were ready to demand surgery to separate us.
As we approached the office door, I stepped in front of Ben and inside the office first. “This is not working.” I scooted up to the edge of Kyle’s desk. “Sorry, we gave it a shot, but your experiment failed miserably.”
“I agree.” Ben took a couple of steps forward until we were standing side-by-side. “Stick a fork in us. We’re done.”
“Are you kidding? You two kicked ass!” Kyle said. “The listeners are eating it up. They love you. Did you even see our social media?”
Ben glanced over at me and then back to Kyle. “Uh, no. I was a little distracted with someone else being in the studio with me.”
I glared at Ben. “Likewise.”
“Well, you need to see it for yourself because the traffic and engagement on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram is insane.” He flipped his laptop around until it was facing us. He came around the desk so the three of us could look at a software program that analyzed all the traffic and engagement that we were getting from every one of our social media pages.