Chapter Nine
LORI
“Good morning, San Diego!” Ben said. “It’s another day with Dr. Tough Love. Are you ready to do this? I certainly am. Give us a call and let us know what’s on your mind. Do you have relationship problems? Something going on with your significant other or immediate family member that needs to be addressed? Maybe you have a beef with a coworker. We’re here for you, whatever your . . .” He glanced across at me, probably wondering if I would say something if he used the word woes again. “. . . whatever your trials and tribulations may be!”
I smirked. “Or woes. People have got lots of woes.”
Ben chuckled. “And that’s the effervescent voice of my trusty sidekick—”
“Cohost.”
“Lori Martin.”
“Who’s here to give us the female perspective on things since—”
“That’s the only valid perspective in the world.” I smiled at him. “It’s good to be here again. I had no idea my voice was effervescent.”
“I was going to say prepubescent, but I’m trying to score a free mocha from you tomorrow since you didn’t bring me one today, either.”
“I’ll bring you one when you behave. Yesterday you were a bad boy and quite frankly, you’re already off to a rocky start today.”
“Okay, no mocha for me yet, but someone did leave this dog bone in my cubicle.” He reached over and grabbed the dog bone, holding it up for me to see. “Care to explain?”
I nodded, doing my best to keep a straight face, even though I was snickering inside. “Yup. That’s a dog bone all right. I’m sorry, what was the question?”
“How did it get on my desk?”
“You just told us—someone left it there. You don’t look happy about it. Do you prefer a different flavor?”
Ben sighed. “I’ll get you back.”
I smirked. “I look forward to it. How about we take a call?”
“Good idea. By the way, thanks to everyone who left comments on social media yesterday even though we dropped the ball and couldn’t get to all of them. However, I did pull a couple of questions from our Facebook and Instagram pages. We’ll read those later, but we’ve already got a few people waiting for us, so let’s go to the phones. Jarod in El Cajon, welcome to the show.”
“Hey, Dr. Tough Love. I caught my girlfriend with my phone in her hand when I came out of the shower yesterday. I’m trying to figure out exactly what to do about it.”
“You have a major boundary issue, Jarod. Your girlfriend overstepped it, there’s no doubt about it. What was she looking for?”
“She said she was just looking at my photo gallery to see if there were any photos I haven’t shared with her recently.”
“And do you believe her?”
Jarod hesitated. “I’m not sure.”
I jumped in. “Jarod, it’s impossible to have a healthy and respectful relationship without trust. What she did isn’t a deal breaker if you both share everything together, and as long as you both trust each other completely. Sit down with her and have an intimate chat about your feelings.”
“Feelings, shmeelings,” Ben said. “I want to know the truth.”
“What are you talking about? Jarod already told us the truth.”
“Did he?” Ben asked. “I’m not so sure about that. And how did she get into your phone, Jarod? Isn’t it password protected?”
“Yeah, it is,” Jarod said. “But she knows I use the same password for everything. One, two, three, A, B, C, and then a question mark at the end.”
Ben slapped his forehead. “Well, Jarod, now the entire world knows. Do me a favor and change all your passwords after you get off the phone with us.”
“Oh, right. My bad.”
“And answer this, Jarod . . . are you cheating on your girlfriend?’
“What?” Lori threw her palms in the air. “You’re out of your mind for asking him that.”
“Not at all. It came from my very intuitive and intelligent suspicions. It’s a simple question, really. Jarod? Are you cheating on her?”
“No,” Jarod answered. “I’m not.”
“Has she gone through any of your other things?”
“Yeah. My day planner. And my computer. And my sock drawer.”
“Well, if you’re missing a sock, Lori may have it in her purse.”
“Can you be any more ridiculous?” I asked.
“Absolutely. There are at least three or for more levels of ridiculousness in my playbook. I’m just getting started, so sit back and wait for them. But back to Jarod, he’s definitely cheating on his girlfriend.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because it’s very hard to hide something from women. You’re like bloodhounds.”
I scooted closer to the microphone. “Are you calling me a dog again?”
“Ha!” Ben said. “I’m not the one who left a certain someone a dog bone this morning. And I’m saying women have got that innate ability and natural intuition to know when something isn’t right, would you agree, Hunky Dory Lori?”
I cocked my head to the side. “Do you have a rhyming dictionary you’re hiding over there?”
Ben smirked. “Do you have a general tendency to avoid confrontation?”
I crossed my arms. “Do you have a habit of answering a question with a question?”
He slid his glasses down his nose and looked over the rim. “Do you?”
I opened my mouth and closed it.
Ben grinned. “That’s what I thought. So, if Jarod’s girlfriend is going through his crap, it’s for a reason. He’s cheating on her.”
“I’m not cheating on her!” Jarod sounded a little too defensive and whiny.
“Something’s going on—I’ll tell you that much,” Ben said.
“Fine. I’m just . . . chatting with someone. That’s all. There’s no harm in that.”
“Another woman?” Ben asked.
“Yeah, but just chatting, nothing more.”
“Do you know what she looks like?”
“Of course.”
“Is she attractive?”
“Very.”
Ben shook his head in disgust. “Jarod?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Stay on the phone so I can have my producer get your mailing address.”
“No way. You’re just saying that so you can send me a self-castration kit.”
“First class mail.” Ben pointed at the microphone. “You give men a bad name.”
“It’s not what it seems.”
“Yes—it is. What you’re doing is deceitful and wrong. I don’t blame your girlfriend for going through your things. In fact, I have a message for her. You need to break up with Jarod now! But kick him in the gonads first.” I reached over and hung up on him.
I opened my mouth and—
“Sorry,” Ben said. “Testicles.” He laughed. “You’re listening to Dr. Tough Love and we’ll be back right after this.”