Sniffling, I wipe away the single tear that escapes my hold. “You’re right. You didn’t say that. Liv said that. But you didn’t stop her, and you let me leave.”
“You don’t belong there anymore,” Mamá says.
I nod. “I know. I belong here.”
Mamá shakes her head. “Don’t do this, mija. Come with us. Help us find her.”
I frown. Why is she trying so hard to convince me to go with them? An itchy sensation is making its way from my heart to my brain. This is starting to feel like a setup.
“No,” I say firmly.
“Let’s go, Tatiana,” Liv’s mother says as she glances at my mother.
Mamá looks at me with disappointment in her eyes. “We thought you would help because—”
“Because she was your best friend,” Liv’s mother interrupts.
“She was, but you said it yourself. My place is here. I don’t belong with you anymore.”
With one final glance, Mamá turns on her heels and leaves. The witches follow, each offering single glances of disapproval. When they’re finally gone, I sigh, releasing tension I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Are you okay?” Jasik asks.
“I am,” I lie. Not because I want to or because I think he can’t handle the truth. I lie because the desire within me to obey Amicia’s order is a crushing wave that’s suffocating me. I’m drowning in a whirlpool of her words and my promise to abide by them.
Chapter Three
The more distance I put between the manor and me, the better I feel. My head clears, my erratic emotions wane, and I can finally breathe. The ever-constant clutter of Amicia’s words no longer swirl in my mind, allowing me to think freely for the first time since this whole mess started.
I was happy—finally, truly happy. I released myself from familial obligations and vowed devotion to the vampires. I was one step closer to a life free of insults and betrayal. And then the witches showed up. Can they sense my happiness? Is that how they always know the best time to ruin my day?
I imagine Mamá has some kind of crystal ball that she stares into, witnessing my private and most cherished moments. Like a tiger hunting a gazelle, she pounces, digging her claws in so deeply, she shatters bone.
I rub my arm, feeling the sharp, cold blade sliding through flesh—my flesh. I fear I may never shake that dream, or nightmare, or premonition. Whatever it was, it haunts me. I shake, and Jasik notices. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him watching me. I don’t dare look up to him. I don’t want him to know just how affected I am by both the witches’ request and by my nightmare.
“Is everything okay?” Jasik asks, ignoring my silent plea not to ask me any questions.
I don’t respond. I’m not sure what to say. Can I be honest with him? Should I tell him about the blood oath I made to Amicia? Will he be angry that I made a blood promise to someone other than my sire? I don’t know anything about this sacrifice, and my naïvety makes me feel uneasy. I was blindsided, given no other option but to submit to her request. Jasik will understand that…right?
He eyes me curiously, his gaze lingering. My breath catches, and my cheeks are warm. The worst part about being this pale is that my formerly tan skin no longer hides my emotions. Mamá used to say I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that definitely hasn’t changed, even after death. The only difference is now my own body betrays my secrets.
I turn away from his gaze and pretend to stare into the distance. I act like I’m patrolling, which is the whole point of walking the woods tonight, but hunting is the last thing on my mind. I don’t like that we’re acting as though nothing happened.
I turned away the witches, and the vampires decided to continue with their scheduled patrols. We’re all pretending like we’re the only ones in the woods tonight, but I know that’s not true. Somewhere out there, the witches are walking home, disappointed in my decision and angry enough to retaliate. Doesn’t that bother anyone besides me?
I exhale sharply, stress eating away at my core. I can’t stop thinking about Liv. I wonder if she’s okay. It’s stupid to think about these things, but I need to know if she’s hurt, hungry, scared… Silently, I call out to her with my mind. I apologize for abandoning her when she needs me, and I beg her to understand. I have no choice but to follow orders. No longer part of my former coven, I’m not a witch anymore. Of course, my silent prayers fall upon deaf ears. Liv isn’t a spirit witch, so she can’t respond if she can’t hear me.
“I know you’re upset,” Jasik says. He distracts me from my mental berating long enough for me to welcome my anger once again.
“I am,” I admit.
I cross my arms over my chest and kick at the brush beneath my feet. The world is cold, and the ground is hard, crunchy, and layered in frost. The forest is lifeless, but it sparkles. The moonlight glistens across the dead grass and bare trees. Snow can make nature’s worst season so beautiful.
“I wish you wouldn’t take this decision personally,” Jasik says.
I scoff. “How can I not?”
“This has nothing to do with you. Amicia made her decision because experience has proven they cannot be trusted.”
“Oh, I know… They are witches, and we are vampires, and there can’t possibly be peace or happiness. There’s no such thing as morals because we’re mortal enemies, right?”
My voice is erratic, my body dramatic. I emphasize my words with the help of frantic hand gestures. I know I’m acting like a child, but this whole situation is ridiculous. I am surrounded by stubborn people who are content living a hellish life fueled by feuds and vengeance. Why can’t they see it doesn’t have to be this way?
“Ava,” Jasik says. He’s disappointed in me, and that hurts more than the look on Mamá’s face when I told her I wouldn’t help find Liv, but I’m too far gone. I’m too wrapped up in my own anger to see through Jasik’s words.
“What?” I snap.
“You’re not being fair,” he says.
Shocked, I stop abruptly and turn to face him. “Seriously? I’m the one being unfair? You know what’s not fair? Letting Liv die because of some ridiculous feud!”
“Yes, that’s not right either. I regret that the cost of what’s happened is your friend’s life, but can’t you see that you’re being a bit childish too?”
I furrow my brows, narrowing my eyes so he understands just how upset I truly am. “Don’t you call me childish.” I’m pointing my index finger at his chest, and with each word, I jab it into his flesh.
Amusement sparks behind his long lashes, and that makes me even angrier. How can he find this funny? I happen to think this is the worst situation I’ve ever been in, and I died recently. So that’s saying a lot.
“This isn’t funny, Jasik,” I say, seething.
“Well—”
“Well what?”
“It is a little funny.” He shows me just how funny he thinks it is with his thumb and index finger.
Exasperated, I exhale sharply and turn on my heel to continue patrolling. “I don’t expect you to understand. Do you even have a best friend? I mean, when was the last time someone actually wanted to spend time with you as opposed to being forced to courtesy of Queen Amicia?”