Easy, girl, he’s not your enemy.
My eyes never left Stefan’s, but I was still hyper aware of both men in the room. It was how I noticed their bodies stiffening at different times, one right after the other, realizing the change in me. Stefan’s anger lessened, his head tilting slightly as he regarded me.
With the slight narrowing of his eyes, I read his next move before his mouth even opened to speak. “Careful.” My voice sounded strange. It was still my voice, yet different. The tone was light, carefree—chipper-sounding, but laced with so much promise. I wasn’t going to be messed with or blood would spill. Mine, theirs, it didn’t matter. Just the thought of seeing blood excited my darkness. “We were doing so well. Let’s not ruin this reunion with threats.”
Having six years away from this family and this way of life had opened my eyes, giving me an outside perspective. My life, my decisions were no longer in the hands of others, especially Stefan. Yes, he had come to my rescue today—cleaned up my mess. I wasn’t ungrateful. In fact, I was indebted, but that didn’t mean I owed him everything. I'd come home by my own volition. I'd given up that beautiful dream of living by the beach. I'd explained what happened, omitting a few things, but they were vulnerabilities and mine to share only if I wanted.
“Is this how you want to do this?” he asked, ice seeping into his voice. He was feeling challenged. His body screamed it by the way his shoulders tightened and his fist resting on the desk clenched before he forced it to relax. He'd used to be the master of being unreadable. Had I gotten better at reading people or had he gotten lax over the years?
I felt equally challenged. That was why the darkest part of my soul rose, ready to take on anything, fight off anything. The rest of me didn’t want to fight, not with Stefan. “No, but you leave me no choice. You want to know something I don’t wish to share, yet you don’t care and demand I tell you anyway.”
“Do you honestly expect me to turn a blind eye to the fact you killed two people and not want to understand why?” He had me there.
“I don’t trust you,” I replied honestly, knowing it would hurt him. By the heavy silence that took over, I was right. I refused to let myself feel guilty. “How do I know you won’t use what I tell you against me later?” At his blatant surprise showing all over his face, I got annoyed and lifted my hand, stopping him from arguing. I didn’t want to be lied to or be placated. I wanted trust. I wanted a healthy relationship with my father. “Let’s make a deal.”
Stefan’s brows shot up, surprised, before he quickly recovered. “A deal for the truth?” He was intrigued.
I nodded. “In order to tell you the truth, I’d be giving up a lot. I want something of equal value and a guarantee it couldn’t be used against me, ever.”
“And that is?”
“No more lessons, tests, or games.” Stefan went statue still. I couldn’t even tell if he was breathing. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. “When it comes to me, I want you to be a father first and the boss second.”
In the back of my mind, I knew forcing him to change didn’t make it real, but I needed things to be different between us. I was done with short lived affection and the too few moments he decided to show he actually cared about me. Call me greedy or desperate, I didn’t care. I wanted a father-daughter relationship with him.
Stefan’s eyes were locked with mine, intensely so. For a good minute as he stared at me unblinkingly, I don’t think he even saw me. He seemed far away, lost in his thoughts.
“No more lessons, tests, or games,” he finally agreed.
I narrowed my eyes. “And the rest?”
“I don’t understand why you’d even feel the need to ask for that,” he grumbled, sounding beyond irked and frowning with disappointment.
I couldn’t let that deter me, even if it made my chest tight. “I still need you to agree to it,” I said, unrelenting.
He clenched his teeth, making the muscle in his jaw twitch. “If that’s what you need to hear, daughter, fine. I’ll agree to all of it. Now, let’s get this over with.”
My darkness faded, tapering down just below the surface. I leaned back in my chair, feeling more defeated than elated, but now I could at least let it show. Everything was catching up to me. Even though I was getting what I wanted, this moment didn’t feel like a victory. I still had to fulfill my end of the deal. My eyes dropped from Stefan’s. I couldn’t look at either man. Instead, I focused on a dark spot that was a ripple within the wood of his desk.
Tom was the only man I'd willingly been intimate with. The only other time…
My whole body was tense. I didn’t realize my hands were squeezing into tight fists until my nails started biting into my palms. The pain anchored me as I prepared to lay it all out for them, because if they were going to make me do this, then they were going to get it all.
I could use a drink. With that thought, I got up and made my way over to Stefan’s liquor trolley. I poured whatever was in the tall decanter into a glass and took a big burning swallow. Whiskey. It was the perfect drink for the moment.
“I told Tom I was raped,” I blurted as my eyes bored into the wall in front of me. “I kind of had to because the first time we tried to have sex, I flipped out.” Looking back, I remembered thinking I'd found someone really special when he hadn't bolted after I'd told him. I was a fucking idiot. My desperation for normalcy had blinded me into thinking he'd been understanding as he'd patiently worked with me to get past my issues, when in reality, it had been mostly me forcing myself to push back my insecurities to make sure he'd been happy.
I didn’t look back at Jamie and Stefan. I couldn’t. I dropped my eyes to stare at the pretty crystal glasses on the trolley. “Our relationship was what I thought to be normal. We moved in together. I was happy. I thought we were happy…the fucking illusion was shattered when I came home and found myself stuck in a damn closet listening to him fuck that stupid whore who was supposed to be my friend.” I was seething, breathing heavily remembering it. “What’s funny is, I felt relieved. Betrayed, but still relieved that our relationship was over. I didn’t have to pretend anymore.” I took another huge swallow. “Their pillow talk is what killed them. Him cheating on me hurt my pride, but he really fucked me over when he told her that I was raped. That I was damaged goods. And that I’ve been nothing more than a disgusting pity fuck he had to force himself to be with.” My words ended on an angry growl. “So I killed them. I killed them in a way that would cause them pain. The same pain they made me feel. I made sure I saw fear in their eyes just before I did it because otherwise it wouldn’t have been as satisfying. Just like how I had to watch Zack and Tyson’s fear before I killed them. I kill people who hurt me because that’s apparently who I am. I’m a Quinn. No matter how many years I spent pretending I’m not. I will always be a Quinn.”
“Maura—”
I stopped Stefan from saying anything by slamming my hand on the trolley, causing a loud bang and the glasses to clank. “Are you both satisfied with my reason now?” I was angry at them. Rationally, I knew they'd done nothing to deserve my anger. I wasn’t very rational at the moment. I felt someone come up behind me and the last thing I needed was to be touched. “Don’t,” I snapped to stop whoever it was. No one touched me, but I could still feel a presence behind me. “You promised me a bottle of whiskey.”