Adam’s ears thudded with the sound of his heartbeat, head light as he tried to cling to the sharp edges of reality, because otherwise he’d fall and never climb up again.
This couldn’t be. Couldn’t.
But as he struggled to rein in emotions that already squeezed hot tears into his eyes, Koterski went on, “I want to bite into him as if he was the crispest fruit.”
The seat sank under Adam, and he plummeted with it, all the way to the pit of hell where the man he’d put so much trust in would spend an eternity taunting him for his stupidity and naïveté.
He wasn’t even a real priest anymore, incapable of offering true absolution after what he’d done last night. He was a fraud, but so was Emil.
Koterski took a deep breath that trembled through the wooden lattice keeping them separated. “And the worst thing is, Father, that while I feel sorry for him now that his house burned down, I also have these dark thoughts. That he deserved it. I try to stay virtuous, but he tainted my thoughts. Every time I wish to see him hurt, I end up regretting it, like I’m trapped in this vicious circle of anger and lust. How can one man be both so vile and so alluring?”
Adam bit the insides of his cheeks, struggling to control his breath when Koterski gradually revealed a side of Emil Adam hadn’t expected. His infidelity hurt a thousand times more than the fact that he might have put a spell on Adam too, ultimately causing the traumatic possession. Adam was not special, and his company, the summer that had been so life-changing for Adam, meant very little to Emil. He’d been just another conquest. Another notch on the bedpost, appeased by confessions of love and gentle touch.
“You should stay away from him, then.”
“I try, Father, I really do, but there’s something evil going on with that man. I find myself waking up at his door some nights ever since I found this weird doll under my bed. I swear he’s behind it!”
Icicles sank into Adam’s flesh, but he kept his cool as best he could. “We are all responsible for our lives and our relationship with God and others. Try doing something you enjoy whenever those thoughts come back,” Adam said automatically and cringed at how much his own advice infuriated him. No amount of television, Internet, or books could possibly purge his mind of the feelings he harbored for Emil, the first and only man he’d let into his heart and body. Even if Emil had lied, Adam’s feelings for him were true, and that made everything all the more terrible.
Koterski seemed relieved to get his penance, promised to avoid sin and that was that.
But it wasn’t, because his confession changed everything.
Chapter 21 - Emil
Looking at the charred furniture and what was left of the walls, Emil found it hard to comprehend that he really stood in the place he used to call home. The house where generations of his family had lived and died—turned into ash within hours.
Even now, among the overpowering stench of smoke, he could smell the herbs Grandma had kept in their home. It would be gone with the first rain.
Emil couldn’t make himself approach any closer and just watched a whole pack of crows pick at half-burned food. What a metaphor for his miserable life. One side red and juicy, where Adam had kissed, loved, and accepted him, while the other was a mangled, charred mess where he was homeless, unemployed, and in debt for a business venture which had never come to fruition.
Wind blew through the ruins, taking away some of the dust and uncovering remains of bottles scattered in the ashes. He’d avoided coming here all day despite being painfully aware that ignoring the problem wouldn’t make it go away. It had been easy enough to wait for Adam, but when it became clear the pastor’s absence would keep him busy until late, Emil bit the bullet and went on his own. He had to face the destruction of everything he knew, and couldn’t count on the crutch of company.
Emil would be enough of a burden for Adam in the upcoming months. He was sure Adam wouldn’t see it that way, but that was the reality if they were honest with each other. Despite the love they shared, Emil would need support, patience, and help. This tragedy would strain their relationship, and Emil could only hope that eventually, they’d rise above it, stronger than ever before.
Forcing his feet to move, he walked into the debris and breathed in the coal-like scent of calcified wood. The old fireplace was still standing tall in the middle of the devastated remains, but the wooden walls and roof had collapsed around it, taking Emil’s entire life and heritage into the burning pit. The water pumped by the firemen had turned the ashes into mud, which now clung to his boots as he stepped over surviving chunks of the structure, and approached the brick shaft.
Blackened with soot, it revealed its entire form for the first time since the house had been built—a hidden message from Emil’s ancestors, the great-great grandparents he’d never met.
He’d expected the stone to be hot after last night’s fire, but when he touched it, the cold he sensed instead stabbed right through his bones. As if the house had stood in ruins for years, the skeleton of a long-forgotten monster. But as he sucked air into his lungs, stiff and on the verge of despair, thoughts of Adam watching him from the bed earlier filled his mind with warmth.
Their love was a glimmer of hope in the icy reality Emil had to face. A hope for a new beginning somewhere far away from this beautiful place that brought him nothing but misery.
He swept his gaze over the endless meadows bathed in the glow of the afternoon sun, the dark, dense expanse of the woods covering mountains that stretched all the way to the horizon, and he tried to fight the sense of loss deep in his heart.
But if he was to choose between the home that never wanted him and a man who made Emil feel like he finally belonged somewhere, the choice was clear. He and Adam would have to make a new home in a place that treated both of them right.
Turning around, he took in the charred remains of his home. It wasn’t all cinders, and he hoped to scavenge some mementos before leaving forever. Many of the thick beams that used to support the roof appeared solid enough where they emerged from ash, but he was startled to notice a strangely regular shape cut into one of the thick wooden pillars. Stepping over the battered metal box that used to be his cooker, he reached the fallen beam and had a close look at the deep grooves cut into the wood to form a rectangle.
Without thinking much, he opened his pocket knife and dug the small blade into one of the cuts, applying pressure until the tightly-fitting block budged and fell out, revealing a secret compartment. Emil felt and thought nothing as he saw an elongated shape wrapped in linen tucked inside. The item survived the blaze without even a hint of char. When he reached for it, the weight and form hidden by cloth revealed what it was, but once he removed the covering and held the dagger in both hands, he couldn’t get his head around it having been hidden in the beam all this time. For what purpose? And who put it there in the first place?
The blade seemed deceptively sharp despite its matte surface. Made of honed bone, it sat in a wooden handle that had a face with sharp features carved into it, and horns making up the cross guard.
A long lock of hair similar to the one on the figurine he’d burned was tied around the inner sides of the horns, like a decorative strap.
He shuddered, unable to explain the sudden tightness around his heart. He wasn’t scared. And of what? Of an old knife Grandma must have hidden in the beam years ago? There were some real issues he needed to deal with before he left Dybukowo, so what was the point of worrying about superstition?