“I’m sorry, Zee, for both of you,” she says.
“Thanks.” I nod, pulling away from her and wiping my eyes. “We’ll get through it.” Shana looks at me with a heaviness that makes me want to cry again. I hate it when people pity me but I know it’s out of concern.
“So, what can I do? What do you want to do today?”
I sniffle and do my best to shake off the sense of doom as I run my hands over my face. “Let’s go grab some breakfast then get some studying done. I think I’m ready for the exam but another once over the material couldn’t hurt,”
“Sounds good.” She smiles as she slides off my bed. “But before we hit the books, we gotta cheer you up.” She scurries over to her dresser and starts pulling out clothes. “Let’s go shopping.”
“Are we done yet?” Shana glances up from her phone with a flicker of excitement in her eyes.
“Why? What did Kyle text you?” I exhale, lowering my pencil to the table. We have been in the campus library for the last two hours studying for our calculus exam, and it’s nearly five thirty p.m. I told my mother that I’d be home earlier, which wasn’t a lie… at the time. Shana and I ended up at Chichi’s for brunch and spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall. I’m not usually a big spender but the retail therapy didn’t hurt and I came away from it with an expensive pair of pumps and a clearer conscious.
“Horses.” Shana grins, “He’s taking me on a buggy ride.”
“Wow, tonight? That’s so sweet.” I’m excited for her, I really am, but I can't ignore the pang of loneliness that hits me deep in my chest.
“Oh no, sorry, the buggy ride is for Wednesday night, like a celebration for finishing exams. Tonight he wants to do dinner. God, he’s just been so amazing,” she says relaxing back into her chair. “The other night, by the time I got to his house, he already had a full bubble bath drawn. I assumed he planned it for both of us, which I was perfectly fine with, you know what I mean?” She raises a brow while giving me a knowing look.
I mirror her, raising a brow and smiling because I’m too afraid that she will sniff out how pathetic I’m feeling right now.
“Well. I was so wrong. As soon as I got there he handed me a full glass of wine, kissed the crap out of me, and carried me to the tub. It was so incredible.”
“Wow. Go, Kyle. He’s pulling out all the stops,” I say. Damn, was that my jealousy or the truth talking? I hang out with guys, but I've never had one do anything nearly as romantic. Her smile immediately falls and she looks at me with a pinched brow.
“All the stops? Shit, do you think he’s doing too much? Like—” I place an elbow on the table and watch her eyes flicker from side to side as she grasps for words. “Like he’s trying to compensate for something?”
“No… what makes you say that?”
“I don’t know.” She exhales. “I mean, he’s amazing, but almost too amazing. What if he has a love child or… I don’t know, a missing toe or something?”
“What?” I laugh. “Haven’t you seen his feet?”
“Yes, but you know what I mean.” Her eyes go wide and I swear I can see her heart beating from her chest. “Is this too good to be true?” She’s the only person in my life that can go from zero to full blown meltdown in thirty seconds, but I wouldn’t trade her for anything.
“Relax, Shana,” I say, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Kyle just really likes you. He seems fine to me. No missing body parts or crazy secrets, just a guy who’s falling hard for a girl.” Whatever cork she had holding all the air in her lungs releases slowly and she takes a deep breath.
“Yeah?” she asks. “You really think he’s falling for me?”
“I do. He acts like a guy in love.”
“Oh God." Bringing a hand to her chest, she fists a portion of her shirt and closes her eyes. "I’m falling for him too. But it’s fast, right? I mean, we’ve only been dating for two months.” Her eyes blink open.
“Pah, two months is more than enough time to fall for someone," I say. "Hell, my parents said they knew they were in love after their first date. So, it can happen.” Shana smirks as she nods, and the awkwardness of my words sinks into both of us. The small flicker of loneliness I had been feeling is sucked into the tiny dark hole that my parents' situation has been burning in my chest.
Shana knows those words just struck a chord with me, so instead of letting it simmer she promptly changes the subject.
“You know, Kyle’s friend Lucas still really wants to go out with you. It would be perfect. We could do a double date Wednesday. Go on the buggy ride, then have dinner. Lucas is really cute too. You’d like him.” Her smile is sweet and pleading at the same time. She has been trying to talk me into going out with Kyle’s friend forever now, I’m just not interested. But I know that if he’s anything like Kyle, he’s great. More than great, even.
“I don’t know, Shana.”
“Oh, come on. You never date. I’m telling you, Lucas is perfect. He’s even a dorky art major like you.” She scrunches her nose at me mockingly.
“Ha-ha, shut up. And that is so not true. I just hung out with Craig the other night. He came over, we watched a movie, and fooled around a bit. If that isn’t a date then I don’t know what is.”
“No, sweetie, that’s called fucking,” she says, tilting her head and causing her long brown hair to cover her shoulder.
“Whatever.” I laugh. “Okay fine, maybe I was tipsy when I invited him over but it was like a date, plus we didn’t even have sex.”
“Sure. Okay.” She shrugs. “So, are you telling me that you are open to the possibility of you two falling in love? That you could really see that one day?” I look from her gaze to the table, our forgotten textbooks lie open. I know what she’s trying to get at but it doesn’t make it any less annoying.
“No,” I say, closing my book and sliding it into my backpack. “I mean, it’s Craig, he’s just…”
“Convenient,” she says, finishing my sentence. I roll my eyes. “You barely date, and when you do, it’s never with guys you could actually end up with. Just a bunch of Mr. Right Nows.” The softness in her eyes pulls at my resolve, making it harder to stay annoyed with her. “I know we are still young, but don’t you want forever with someone someday?”
I let her words sink in and continue packing my bag without answering. She silently follows suit.
“Fine,” I say, insecurity creeping through my chest. “I will think about it, but no promises.”
Shana squeals, wrapping me in a tight hug. "It will be so much fun," she says as if I’d already agreed.
"Yeah, yeah." We rise from the table and I grab my purse, tucking it under my arm, and follow her out to the lobby. Lenny, the campus security guard, is sitting in a black desk chair by the exit staring at his phone. His squinted eyes brighten just a bit when he sees Shana and I approach.
"You girls be safe," he says, clearing his throat. We both nod and thank him as we walk past. The warm night air makes my skin feel sticky, and I turn in the direction of my car. It takes me a second to realize Shana isn’t walking with me and has stopped right outside the door. Her fingers move quickly on her phone as she texts.