“Hello?”
Roman’s voice is shaky as he responds. “Xia,” he says. “We are at Wilkes Memorial Hospital. Something happened to Kenzie.”
My eyes fly open as I press the phone to my ear. “Oh my God, is everything okay?”
“I don’t know.” He exhales. “But Jordan… He’s freaking out. I’ve never seen him this way and I don’t know what to do.”
“You’re at Wilkes?” My feet move quickly as I dart from the kitchen toward the living room and up the stairs. “Shit, Wilkes is where his mother died. I’m on my way.”
The cold air bites me as the sliding glass doors open at the entrance of the hospital. I feel like I’m on autopilot, thoughts dancing in my head at a quick pace, nothing completely landing. A tall woman in navy blue scrubs stands next to a receptionist behind a large desk. They are talking about a patient to be admitted, trying to decide on the proper pronunciation of his name. I watch before they notice me standing there.
Looking over her glasses, the woman scans me before speaking.
“How may I help you?” she says, sliding back into her seat.
“Kenzie Radcliffe was brought in here not too long ago. Has she been taken back?” I ask, looking to the right and scanning the large waiting area. I see Roman on the far left pacing the small space between the chairs. The receptionist is typing on the computer when I turn back. I tell her never mind before making my way to Roman.
“How’s Kenzie? Where is everyone? ” I say running up to him. He looks unsteady, gazing at me through red rimmed eyes.
“I don’t know how Kenzie is,” he says. “Her parents just got here and I’m waiting for someone to come back to let me know. King and Jordan are in the bathroom. He’s freaking out and King is trying to help him.”
I turn toward the hall leading to the bathrooms, about to head that way, but I stop and face Roman again. “Wait… What happened?”
Roman clenches his jaw and swallows hard as he stares at me, deep guilt washing over him as his body deflates. “It was an allergic reaction. I swear to God I didn’t know. I had a bunch of snacks in my bag. Kenzie ate my peanut butter cookies while I was in the bathroom. I found her unconscious in the kitchen.”
“Oh no,” I say.
“I didn’t know, Zee. I would’ve never brought them into the house if I did.” Tears pool in his eyes. “I thought she just went to play somewhere. I don’t know how long she was out; she was already turning blue when I found her. Cherry gave her a shot from her EpiPen but she was already unconscious. We called the ambulance but it took them forever to get to the house. I think they kept missing the turn.”
“Did she have a heart rate? Was she breathing?”
“By the time they got there they heard signs of breathing but she hadn’t woken up.”
“Oh shit,” I say, placing a hand over my mouth.
“And Jordan,” he says. “He was fine until we got here, but it was like the moment we walked through the doors he just shut down.”
“He hates this place,” I say as I step backwards toward the hall. “I’ll be back.”
I make my way down the short corridor and walk up to the men’s bathroom. “Jordan?” I say, banging hard on the door. It swings open and King appears with terror written on his face.
“I can’t get him out,” he says, looking past me at the nurse pushing an older man in a wheelchair down the hall.
“Move,” I say, pressing against the door and walking in.
Jordan crouches with his back against the wall, staring down at the floor with his hands in his hair. I run over and drop to my knees in front of him.
“Jordan,” I call. He doesn’t look up, just continues to stare at the floor beneath us.
“I’m going to go back out,” King says, and I watch him run through the door before I turn back to Jordan. My hand trembles as I stroke him gently up the side of his face and over his neck.
“Jordan, look at me,” I say. He’s sweating, but I press my head against his forehead anyway and speak softly.
“I know,” I say. “I don’t want to be here either, but you’re not alone.”
A deep shudder rolls through him as his jaw clenches and he begins shaking his head slightly. He’s still looking down when I notice unmistakable tears in his eyes, falling from his lashes.
“It’s not fair,” he says, shooting to his feet. I stand back and scroll his face. Torment, pain, and anger merge into one as they bleed from him.
“It’s not fucking fair,” he yells, slamming his fist down on the counter before grabbing the trashcan and throwing it across the room. Tears stream down his face as the can slams against the wall with a loud clatter. His breathing is heavy, his fists clenched at his sides as he looks around the room. I step in front of him, placing my hands on his shoulders, trying to force him to look at me.
“We can leave,” I say, sliding my hands across his shoulders and over his neck. “Baby, we can leave. We’ll call and find out what’s going on with Kenzie. We don’t have to stay if you don’t want.”
His breathing is still sharp, and it takes a while, but eventually he looks at me as tears roll down my cheeks.
“We can leave.” I sniffle.
His eyes are wide, but clarity starts to rise in them as he stares at me, slowly nodding his head, taking deep breaths.
“Okay,” he finally says, and though he is still trembling his tears have stopped.
After a few moments we exit the restroom and head down the hall toward the sitting area. Jordan’s face is absent of emotion. Roman makes eye contact with me as we approach.
I don’t see King anywhere. Roman walks toward us, looking from me to Jordan before meeting my eyes again. “I’ll call you,” I mouth silently. His eyes are full of concern, but he stops and nods. Jordan and I don’t stop as we head straight for the exit.
21
XIA
Jordan is quiet the rest of the evening. My car is still at the hospital. When we got to the parking lot I didn’t think he should be driving but he was pretty insistent so I didn’t fight. He hit the highway and we drove for a while as my thoughts bounced between worries for Kenzie, for Jordan, possibly being pregnant, and that weird photograph of my parents. It’s all so bizarre. Dad hasn’t called me yet with an update from Mom’s doctor, but when he does I think I’m going to ask about “Daisy.”
We are halfway there when I realize where he is taking me. I’ve only been there once and it was shortly after Lisa bought the place. She was so happy she landed the deal that she invited my entire family over to see it. The lake house is beautiful, with large bay windows, tall ceilings, and hardwood floors throughout. It looks finished and I am surprised to see furniture inside when we step through the doors. There isn’t a lot. Just a small couch and a table on the main floor. All the other rooms are empty.
We sit in silence at the dining room table over a box of pizza. I pinch the crust between my fingers, taking a small bite. Nausea rolls through my stomach the second the bitterness of the tomato sauce hits my tongue. Jordan is barely eating either. He picks off a pepperoni, pulling it from the cheese, tearing a small hole and revealing the sauce beneath. I feel so helpless. I know he’s struggling and there isn’t anything I can do to fix it. How do you fix something like the pain of loss?