Jordan clears his throat before dropping the pepperoni on the plate and glancing up at me.
“You’re not eating,” he says, looking from me to the pizza.
“I’m not hungry,” I say. “My stomach is still a little wacky.”
His eyes meet mine as he takes a deep breath, running his hand over his face. “That’s right,” he says. “ I’m sorry about all this.”
“No.” I reach across the table, placing my hand in his. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“I just,” he says. “That hospital… It was like two years ago all over again.” My fingers caress his knuckles before I curl them around his palm and squeeze gently.
“I get it,” I say, dropping my eyes to the table.
He sighs before nodding and pulling his hand away. The room falls silent again until our phones buzz simultaneously, causing a deep rumbling against the wood. We look at each other before grabbing them, our fingers sliding over the screens as we each read the message.
King: She’s awake. Cherry and her parents are still shaken up but it looks like Kenzie will be okay.
I look back up to Jordan, releasing a sigh of relief as he meets my eyes.
“Thank goodness,” I say.
“Yeah,” he says, releasing his own breath. His eyes brighten just a fraction as an invisible weight lifts from him.
We spend a few more minutes picking at the pizza before deciding to give up. We need to get back home. I need to shower and check on my mother. Jordan must be thinking the same thing because before I can say it, he tells me he’s heading to the bathroom before we get ready to go.
“Okay,” I say, watching as he disappears behind a door near the pantry that I hadn’t seen before. This house really is beautiful. I hope just being here is enough for him. I’ve been itching to look around and see what he and his dad have done with the place but I didn’t want to leave Jordan alone. Maybe now is the perfect time. I rise from the table and begin up the stairs.
My footsteps echo as I walk down the long hallway, looking over the closed doors. There are five in total.
There is one furnished bedroom across from an identical room with a bathroom in between. I quickly look through those rooms before making my way to the master. The door creaks as I turn the knob and push it open. Moonlight bleeds in through the shutters as fine dust particles float through the air. I can see the lake as I make my way to the window. A long boat ramp juts into it surrounded by trees and soft dirt. It’s beautiful. I can see why Lisa loved this place so much.
There aren’t many other houses I can see. Just one half-hidden way on the other side of the lake. I smile, turning back to the room, checking out the large walk-in closet and adjoining bathroom. Chipped floor tiles lay in a pile alongside a deep garden tub that takes up the corner of the bathroom. Right beside it is a large walk-in shower that sits across from a granite counter and double sink. I smile as excitement bubbles through me.
“I’ll definitely be coming over here for long bubble baths.” I smile. Just as those words leave my lips, it all surfaces. I press my hand flat against my stomach as my nerves heighten. Suddenly, I begin seeing this house in an entirely different light. That small bedroom down the hall set up as a nursery. Baby bottles littering the counters in the kitchen. A large trashcan full of diapers and a basket of baby toys in the corner of the living room. This wasn’t our plan
My stomach lurches as I grip the sides of the toilet seat, retching as the little I’ve eaten comes back up. Tears run from my eyes by the time I finish and stumble over to the sink to wash my face, and though they started from the vomiting, they continue as I stare at myself in the mirror. I can’t be pregnant. I have two years of college left, my family is complete shit right now, and Jordan and I are so new. We are just exploring this. I consider Shana’s words and how it seems like we’ve been together longer, and she may have a point, but realistically it’s only been a month.
This is not how it was supposed to go. We were supposed to experience life, travel, continue to break the barriers of this friendship and let it turn into the love we’ve always craved. But now we’ll be looking at stress on our relationship. The struggle of being young parents. And it could totally tear us apart.
I know I have options, but even though the idea of becoming a mother right now terrifies me, I also know that I can’t bring myself to have an abortion. If this is happening, it will be my fate. I just hope to God it’s not happening.
“Hey, are you ready to go?” Jordan says coming up the hall. Reaching over, I flush the toilet and wipe my face clean of tears before opening the door and walking through the bedroom.
“Yeah,” I say, hoping he doesn’t realize I’ve been crying. “I guess it’s getting late.”
He stops in front of me, frustration in his eyes as he shakes his head and curses under his breath.
“What is it?”
He glares at me, swallowing hard.
“Tell me.”
“I think Felicia is setting me up and now I may be getting expelled from school,” he says
“ How?” I ask, my eyes widening.
“Somehow she got a copy of the midterm I was grading. It’s all bullshit. I figured Satchi would know me better but whatever. I’ll find out what happens tomorrow.” He turns away from me, starting down the hall.
I follow him down the stairs in shock, taking one final look at the large living room before we leave.
We pull up to the house and I grab my purse and open the car door. We rode in silence as I fought my tears. I don’t know where to start with all this. As I look at my front porch I’m reminded of the photograph. Should I call my father? Force my way into mother’s room, demand an explanation? Dread seeps into my gut and I’m halfway out the door before I realized Jordan’s car is still running.
“You aren’t coming?” I ask. His face is still as his eyes cut over to me.
“Not tonight,” he says. “I just need to be alone.”
I don’t know why this hurts my feelings. I can totally understand him needing to be alone and maybe I’m being selfish but I feel like I need him right now.
“Oh—okay,” I stammer, settling back in my seat.
“I’ll come over tomorrow after the meeting and let you know what happens,” he says, meeting my gaze. Leaning forward, he kisses my cheek before pulling away and looking up at his rearview mirror. I hesitate again before leaving, shutting the door behind me. He waits until I’m inside before speeding away from the house.
It’s still and quiet inside, so I immediately go upstairs and knock at my mother’s door.
“I’m home,” I say. “Are you awake?”
No answer.
I knock again and listen closely before looking down at my phone to check the time. It’s twelve fifteen a.m. Worry breaks through me and I wonder if she’s okay or just sleeping. I’m about to knock again, but I start to feel a little silly. It is after midnight. Maybe the stress of the day is making me paranoid. I stand by the door a few seconds longer before heading to my bedroom.
I’m slow to rise Monday morning, even with the blaring of my alarm clock. I just want to sleep, but I haven’t all night so there’s no point in me lying here any longer. I just couldn’t settle. My feet feel heavy as I slide them to the floor and get out of bed. I could just skip class but I’m worried about Jordan and I know if I go to school at least I’ll be able to see him sooner. I stand in front of the mirror, pushing my hands through my untamed curls before wetting, detangling, then securing my hair in a ponytail. I look rough. I feel rough, but at least I’m not vomiting.