“Works for me.” Kev scratched his head. “I was dreading coming today, and had no idea what to expect, but I actually feel better. It’s been an interesting way to mark our loss.”
“I’d think you’d be happier, Mom,” I said when faced with her befuddled expression.
“Is that all?” She looked at Nancy with an air of desperation. “Is he saying anything else? A special message just for me?”
My heart squeezed. I’d grown up believing I was his favorite person, and maybe I was—who knows for sure? But he’d been my mother’s favorite, and her raw longing made my eyes sting. For the first time, I wanted Nancy to make up some loving message to make my mother feel better.
Nancy closed her eyes but then shrugged. “I’m sorry. I’m not hearing anything now.”
“Don’t be sad, Mom.” I hugged my mother and kissed her temple, teasing, “Be happy that you get to prove my naysaying wrong. That’s gotta be satisfying.”
Mom snorted.
“Mom, Dad showed you every day how much he loved you and relied on you to keep us all in line,” Kev gently added. “Maybe this tree business is his way of reminding you he’s still right here standing guard over you.”
She nodded but didn’t speak.
“I think I’ll leave you all to digest the message.” Nancy took her purse and smiled at us. “I wish I would have met William. He sounds lovely. If you need anything more, you know how to reach me.”
Once she was gone, Kevin said, “Marcy won’t believe this. I’m still stunned. But I can totally picture Erin and Dad out there having that conversation.”
“I miss his way of seeing things.” I gave my sister a pointed stare. “It’s pretty clear he wants us to stick together, no matter what.”
“It’s not so easy when you can’t trust each other,” Amanda said, showing no signs of softening, despite the miracle we’d experienced.
“I don’t want to butt in where I don’t belong, but you’re being harsh, Amanda.” Kevin rubbed her shoulder. “I get it—you’ve been through the wringer—but Erin didn’t set out to hurt you. And how can you say you can’t trust her when she’s gone and made plans to make you a partner in her business?”
I’d forgotten that I’d asked him to start the paperwork before I went to Puerto Rico. This wasn’t exactly how I had expected to surprise her with a possible new chapter in our lives.
“What?” Amanda asked, while Mom splayed a hand across her chest.
“When we met with Agent Crowley, Erin asked me to draw up a partnership agreement for Shakti Suds.” Kevin’s brows knit as his gaze bounced back and forth between my sister and me.
Now that I had Amanda’s attention, I said, “You’ve been offering to help me with the admin stuff, so I thought together we might actually make decent money, which we could both use. Then everything else happened this week, and I forgot to mention it.”
“You want me to be your partner?” Amanda’s eyes turned misty.
“I did—I do if you can get past your anger.” I turned to Mom. “I didn’t think you wanted the responsibility, so don’t get offended. I still like mixing products with you.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, I’m not offended. I’m a librarian, not a soap maven. I only help you because you’re here and it’s something to do.” She waved her hands.
“Well, you can still help us—or me, if Amanda isn’t interested.” I turned back to my sister. “You’re pretty quiet.”
Amanda looked at Mom and Kevin. “I’m floored.”
“So you’re not interested?”
“I didn’t say that . . . I’m still reeling from the whole thing with Dad. And, honestly, I’m still hurt by your secretiveness.”
I held my hands out from my sides. “I’ve explained and apologized. I can’t go back and fix it, but I wouldn’t make the same choice today. You have to know that.”
“I suppose I do.” She nodded. “Maybe I overreacted—things would be so much worse for us if you hadn’t gone to Puerto Rico. And I know that cost you a shot with Eli. I’m sorry about that. And I’m sorry I didn’t accept your apology sooner.”
I wrapped her in a hug. “It’s okay. It’s been a terrible time, and you’ve got extra hormones swimming around.”
She held me tight. “Thank you.”
When we broke apart, I said, “By the way, Eli and I patched things up. I didn’t tell you because, well . . .”
“Because I haven’t been speaking to you.” She wiped her eyes. “I’m happy for you. When will we meet him?”
Before I could answer, Kevin said, “Looks like my work here is done. I’ll follow up on the house sale and boat stuff this week, and email those partnership papers.”
He kissed us all goodbye before leaving.
Despite my sister’s and my reconciliation and a message from Dad even I had a hard time ignoring, my mother’s sour expression remained fixed.
“Are you still upset that Dad didn’t say more?” I asked.
“No. It’s just that all of you get to move on—with your business, with a new boyfriend, a baby—but what’s better for me? I’m still a widow—a notorious one who lent a criminal so much money.” She covered her face.
I grabbed her hands and gently pulled them away. “Mom, it’s been a stressful and painful year. But look at this—we’re all under the same roof again, learning to trust each other and work together. Accepting the things that are different about each other. Isn’t that worth more than a few lost dollars and a little embarrassment? At the end of the day, the worst thing anyone can say about you is that you love your children and are extremely generous. Is that so awful?”
“And you know I’ll need help with Willa.” Amanda stroked her arm. “Dr. Blount’s given you a clean bill of mental health, so once Kevin sorts out all the legal stuff, I’m hoping you’ll want to babysit a few days a week.”
She nodded blankly without directly answering either of us. “I need to go for a little drive.”
Maybe she thought she’d get more answers from Dad at his grave.
As she backed out of the driveway, I said, “I’ll follow her to make sure she’s okay.”
Amanda nodded, so I ran to the garage, jumped on my bike, and took the chance she had gone down Elm Street. Her red Prius came into view two cars ahead, so I hung back. My mother drove the speed limit, and a plethora of stop signs made it easy to track her, especially when she headed north on Balsa Road. Not much out that way but Saint Bernard’s cemetery, as I’d expected.
I didn’t go there often. For me, seeing Dad’s headstone—thinking about him lying beneath that cold field, surrounded by other skeletons and headstones—disturbed me and made his absence sharper.
My mother got out of her car and trod to the third row of graves, where she sank to her knees. I laid my bike on the ground and quietly came up behind her, heartsick to find her crying.
“Mom,” I said, startling her.
“Oh, Erin. Why’d you follow me?” She scowled, wiping her eyes.