My stomach dropped. “I can be there in ten minutes.”
“Good. I’ll be waiting.” The clipped tone and the fact that she hung up without her usual pleasantries put me on high alert. What the hell had Lyle done now? I dug my hand into my hair, staring into space.
“I’m sorry, Eli. I need to go. Something must’ve happened . . .” I looked at him. “Really, though, you have no idea how sorry I am to leave.”
“I have some idea.” He smiled. “Go be there for your sister. I’m not going anywhere.”
After a hug and another quick kiss, I said, “I’ll call you later.”
“Good luck.” He walked me to the door and waited until I pedaled off before closing it.
For the mile-or-so ride home, my heart ping-ponged from ecstasy to concern. I parked my bike in the garage and went in through the kitchen. “Hello?”
“In here,” Amanda called.
I found her at the dining table, hands clasped on the tabletop, posture and expression stiff as our mom’s starched shirts.
“Oh God, you look white. Is Lyle fighting you about Willa, or refusing to sell the house?” I collapsed onto a chair in disbelief.
“I don’t know. I’ve given up predicting what he will do, or expecting him—or anyone—to be honest with me or care about my feelings.” The pointed words seemed directed at me.
Her hard edge made me uneasy. “Try to relax. He put up a brave front to knock you down a peg or two, but Lyle can’t handle jail well. If his lawyer tells him it should help reduce his sentence, he’ll capitulate. Willa will be safe. We’ll protect her.”
“Will you?” Amanda’s cold eyes burned through me. “Like you protected me?”
Sarcasm? My stomach started sinking to my toes. Her anger confused me after the way I’d helped her.
She glowered at me with open disdain, much the way Lyle had always glared at me when no one else was looking. What did he say to turn her against me . . .
Oh! Oh no.
My heart pounded in my ears as the past came roaring back.
Praying I was wrong, I joked, “Let’s hope sting operations don’t become a new family tradition.”
Amanda shook her head. “Stop, Erin. I know that you’ve been lying to me for months. Lyle told me about the Kentwood Inn.”
“Oh.” Damn it! My pores sweated like the plumbing pipes at my old apartment. All week I’d been so focused on how Lyle would attack Amanda I’d never considered that he would also pay me back. He’d done it, all right. In the worst way possible.
Although frantic to shore up our fragile bond, I froze, unable to think of how to explain myself.
“That’s all you have to say?” My sister’s heartsick expression made my insides blister. “You knew for months that Lyle was running around behind my back yet never warned me. Exactly how often did you snicker about that with Lexi?”
“It wasn’t like that . . .” My chest ached at the possibility of us returning to the way things used to be—polite at best, snarky at worst.
“No? You didn’t get any thrill from making a fool out of me? Didn’t secretly love the fact that my life wasn’t at all what I thought it was? Didn’t go to bed heady with this knowledge, like a spectator, eagerly waiting for the bottom to drop out of my life?” Her eyes narrowed, framing a look of disgust. Those ugly accusations slayed, especially because I couldn’t claim none were even the faintest bit true. “And then to rush in like some great savior at the end, when in fact none of it would’ve happened if you had even once told me what you saw.”
I dropped my chin, on the verge of crying. “I’m sorry. But I knew you wouldn’t have believed me.”
“So it’s my fault?” she asked, her blue eyes full of betrayal.
“No, that’s not what I mean. But think about it, Amanda.” I gripped the edge of the dining table. “How many times did you dismiss anything I said about Lyle’s behavior? Every single time.” I slapped the tabletop for emphasis on each of those three words. “It’s not like I caught them in bed or even kissing. They were coming out of the inn in the early afternoon, claiming to have finished a business lunch, which was plausible. Despite my suspicions, I had no proof. And you two had recently bought your house and announced your pregnancy, so I wondered if my dislike for Lyle had made me paranoid. Plus we were still mourning Dad’s death. You know none of us were back on track yet. I worried that an unsubstantiated accusation would make you so angry you’d totally cut me out.”
No one could blame her for her doubt, but seeing it made me shrink inside. I was shaky and desperate at once.
“I might believe you if you’d at least mentioned it once the truth came out. All these weeks—all my tears—yet you never said a word.” Her lip trembled, but she fought back her own tears. She smoothed her palms across the tabletop, regaining her composure. “It was bad enough to be humiliated by my husband, but to learn that you’ve been holding on to this, leaving me unarmed so Lyle could use it against me . . . I feel doubly foolish for believing we’d finally gotten close.”
“I swear to God I would never consciously withhold anything out of spite or jealousy. When you told me about Lyle, I almost said something but figured Mom would blame me for everything instead of Lyle. It seemed pointless to upset everyone more at a time when we needed to rely on each other.” My logic didn’t seem to budge my sister even an inch. Remorse bloomed like algae, choking me. “Wasn’t it kinder to keep quiet once the truth came out? That was my only intent. I love you . . . I’d never intentionally hurt you.”
Amanda stared over my shoulder, through the window. She avoided eye contact even as she rose from the table, spine straight but shoulders soft. Defeated and remote. “All I know is that I can’t count on anyone to be unconditionally honest and on my side. I’ve never felt more alone in my life, despite everyone in town gawking and checking in on ‘poor Amanda Foster.’ Maybe Mom’s got the right idea. There’s nothing keeping me in Potomac Point now. It’d be easier to live and work in a school district outside the reach of the stain of Lyle’s name and Mom’s suffocating anger. I could move nearer to Kevin and get Marcy’s help with Willa.”
Six months ago, those words wouldn’t have taken a shovel to my chest and carved out half of me. “Amanda, wait. Where are you going?”
“For a walk. I need to think.” She waddled across the living room and through the front door, closing it quietly behind her with a finality that stole my breath.
My screwup had pushed my mother, sister, and me as far apart as we’d ever been, and I had no idea how to—or if I could—fix it. I would’ve dissolved into a puddle, but there wasn’t time.
I sat at the table with my eyes closed, begging my dad for some sign. A direction. Advice. Nothing happened. No ray of light, no whispers, no sign that he was there unless he remained silent to force me to move on without him.
No matter what came next, we could not let Amanda believe she was on her own. With my dad unavailable to me, I’d have to rely on my mother. I pulled Mo onto my lap to cuddle while I called her.
“Hello?”