‘Jess!’ I heard a voice call from behind me, but this time it sounded suspiciously not like my ex-boyfriend. I turned to see a skinny black-jeaned, T-shirt clad figure walking towards me – it was Joshua, again. Please tell me he wasn’t coming surfing too. This was meant to be mine and Sam’s time, our time; our time alone. Why couldn’t we just be alone?
‘Oh hi.’ I gave a little wave, noncommittal, part of me hoping he’d just walk past but knowing he wouldn’t. My heartbeat quickened. From the brief moments we’d shared together, I felt sure he already had my number. Moving towards me, Joshua came into focus, his floppy dark hair damp and waving in the wind. As he drew closer, I could see his black jeans and T-shirt were in fact a wetsuit covered by a silly surf-shirt thing, the kind Sam was always banging on about. Shit. He was surfing too. After his regular appearances at Sam’s, I wasn’t sure why I was still surprised. Meeting me on the steps, he sat down and gave my cheek a kiss, then the other, confident and self-assured.
‘Great weather for it, eh?’ he asked rhetorically, gazing out across the ocean and beginning to study the waves, stretching out his limbs. I was so confused. Where was Sam? He said he’d be here by now. ‘So, Sam says you want to learn how to surf?’ Joshua turned to me, his smile breaking through the otherwise dull day.
‘Yeah… I…’ I began, looking at Joshua but not quite able to make eye contact. ‘Sam said he was going to give me a lesson this morning…’
‘Did he?’ Joshua looked genuinely concerned. ‘It’s just, Sam messaged me on Tuesday evening, and said you wanted to learn and could I teach you? Saturday, Coogee Beach, ten a.m.?’ Joshua started to scramble around for his phone in his backpack. ‘Unless maybe I got it wrong?’ Joshua’s hair flopped in front of his face as he continued to search. He hadn’t got it wrong. I had. Sam had never said it would be him teaching me to surf. My heart dropped. My stomach churned. But I couldn’t let Joshua know I was disappointed.
‘No, no,’ I said, trying desperately to pin a smile to my face. ‘That’s right. Ten a.m., Coogee Beach. Sam – Sam’s teaching me another day…’ I lied, saving face.
‘Oh, thank God,’ he said; now I knew he meant it. ‘Jamie said she and Sam were going cake-tasting for the wedding today. She would flip if he’d forgotten.’ Joshua laughed, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a mass of black material. In the week that I had known her, Jamie hadn’t struck me as the kind to flip, more bubble under the surface in secret and then try her best to keep the lid on her emotions like the grown-up I’d never really worked out how to be.
‘Lesson one.’ Joshua smiled. It really was a lovely smile. ‘Put on wetsuit,’ he said, standing up and throwing the black material into my lap. I held it out at arm’s length. It was tiny. ‘It’s Jamie’s old one. She said you could borrow it,’ Joshua explained. Great, Jamie’s hand-me-downs. Jamie, who just so happened to be twice my height and half my width. As if reading my mind, Joshua added, ‘They expand when they go in the water.’ Cheers, mate.
As I stood to follow Joshua, the waves became bigger with every step I took. ‘There’s no waves at Coogee, no surf.’ Joshua looked out across the horizon. No waves? It looked terrifying. ‘But I thought we’d go through some technique before we take the boards down to Bondi.’ I looked back to the ocean. Was I really going in there? Without the incentive of Sam’s hands holding my waist as I jumped onto the board, the cold August sea and rising swell no longer carried the same appeal.
‘Joshua?’ I asked.
He turned to look at me, his backpack flung on the beach and his bare feet sinking into wet sand. He stood, toned legs wide, smiling like a kid in a cake shop. I could see why he and Sam were friends. Best friends, friends who seemed to pop up when you were least expecting them. Not that I was one to talk.
‘I’m not sure I want to go in.’
Joshua’s smile faded as he took a couple of steps towards me.
‘Jess,’ he began, using the same tone I had employed to navigate Tim and Olivia’s mood swings all week. ‘I thought you wanted to learn how to surf?’
‘I did,’ I replied, trying hard to ignore the sound of the apparently non-waves, once so mesmerising, now so menacing. ‘I wanted to…’ Well, I did when I thought Sam would be taking me. Joshua’s kind eyes narrowed as he took another step towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. Tilting his head slightly to study my fearful expression, he laughed.
‘I’m afraid, to surf, you’re going to have to go in the water. Maybe that should have been lesson one?’ Slowly, Joshua took the wetsuit out of my hand. Maybe he was going to let me off the hook. Then he bent down, holding the suit apart so that I could easily step in. Trust me, Joshua, there is going to be nothing easy about this. Pulling off my dress, feeling more comedy act than superstar, I stepped one foot into the leg hole, then the other. I looked down at Joshua, still crouched down by my wetsuit-covered ankles, stunned into immobilisation by the sheer awkwardness of our situation. Joshua looked up past my legs, through my boobs and smiled; I wanted to die. I was never going to fit into Jamie’s kid-size wetsuit. I yanked the suit further up my thighs and managed to fit my arms into the armholes and prise the top up. Thank God.
‘Could you…’ I turned to Joshua awkwardly. He was still grinning, having just witnessed the strangest reverse striptease you would never pay to see. ‘Could you do me up?’
‘Sure,’ he replied, no doubt eager to get in the water. He stood behind me and I breathed in as I felt his breath on my neck, yanking the zip higher and higher. The suit squeezed me in until my boobs were under my chin. He pulled harder; I breathed in more. It wasn’t going to work.
‘Erm…’ I heard Joshua’s voice behind me, right on cue. ‘I think you’re maybe a bit bigger than Jamie on the, the… shoulders,’ he saved himself. He sure seemed to know Jamie’s body well. Although, religious or not, who wouldn’t check out Jamie’s physique? ‘It’s okay, I have an idea.’ Joshua tapped his hands on my shoulders even though he already had my attention. I turned to him to see him pull off his silly surf top, his outstretched arm highlighting the muscles rippling below his wetsuit – not so skinny indie boy after all.
‘You can have my rash vest.’ Rash vest. I knew it had a name. ‘Right. Ready to get the boards?’ He smiled towards Sam’s car parked on the road, the boards strapped on top. I knew better now than to think he’d be inside, knowing he’d be by Jamie’s side whether through desire, obligation or fear. He’d just let Joshua borrow it; Sam was good like that. I looked to the car, the distance from beach to boards stretching between us. I felt more comfortable with his oversized vest on, but I still wasn’t sure I could move without ripping the wetsuit. It expands in the water. Maybe if we went in for a quick swim first I wouldn’t chafe my tan off before it had even begun. Gazing out to the churning grey sea, I swallowed my fear and suggested we go for a quick dip to warm up.
‘Yes! Love it!’ Joshua said, pushing his floppy hair out of his face and taking a tie from his wrist, to scrunch it into a manbun. It looked kinda hot. ‘I find it’s better just to run in.’