I shrug.
He pulls off his gloves and uses them to sweep the boulder clean of dirt and leaves. As if I’m not already covered with the mountain. He sits, scooting to one edge to make room.
I sit beside him, the rock not exactly comfortable but still nice. There’s a faint buzzing. Africanized bees? But otherwise, it’s quiet. The ridge rises and falls, clear blue sky painted above it. I feel like I could be on a postcard for happiness.
Except I’m not happy.
Grant leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. “You have nothing to prove, Mai. Don’t let him pressure you.”
I shoot him a questioning look.
“I saw the two of you down here. I could tell that’s what he was doing.” He pulls one of the dying stems free. “There’s no point in doing something just for the sake of doing it.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
He studies me. “What was it like?”
I pull one of the stems free, too. “I had no idea flowers grew down here. Anthony was showing me.”
“He was, huh?” He’s quiet for a long moment. “You weren’t just acquaintances, were you?”
“No, we weren’t.” I risk a glance, but he’s waiting for me. “We dated. He was my boyfriend for twenty-two hours.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
My face is hot with embarrassment. “Because we didn’t want to like each other. He’s not who I thought I should be with. I hadn’t told my parents. Lots of reasons, I guess.”
A bird trills overhead, flapping loudly from one tree to another before silence settles around us again. “But you did like him?”
“I did.” I let a flower petal drift from my fingers. “I’m sorry about lying to you. And I shouldn’t have invited you to the fundraising dinner. That was my parents’ idea.”
“You never said it was a date.”
“But I didn’t say it wasn’t, either. I didn’t know what to do. My parents love you.” I laugh weakly. “They want me to love you, too.”
“Well, I am very lovable.”
His smile relaxes me. “You are. If I was half as smart as I’m supposed to be, I would fall for you. Sorry,” I say, burying my face in my hands. “That sounded bad.”
“It’s okay. I get it. More than you know.”
I tilt my head, peek through my fingers.
“My mom was playing matchmaker, too. Why do you think she pushed for me to do this project?” He shrugs. “Apparently, I’ve been moping. I’m not getting over Katherine quick enough, and my parents love you.” His grin widens. “They want me to fall for you, too.”
“Oh Lord.” But more tension eases from my neck and shoulders.
“I’m still in love with Katherine.”
I nod. I’m not surprised. “Do you talk?”
He twirls his stem once and then tosses it down the slope. “Every night. We can’t just turn it off, you know? But we’re going to be three thousand miles apart.” He pulls off his hat and wipes his forehead. “A long-distance relationship doesn’t make sense.”
“But if you love her?”
“Still not practical. It’s hard, but I know it’s the right decision. I don’t want to start the future still hung up on the past.” He puts his hat back on, shading his face. “So what about you and Anthony?”
“We broke up on Sunday.” I toss away my stem, too. Brush dirt off my gloves. “You and me, we do things that make sense.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Sometimes it feels like it is. Like it’s an excuse not to take risks.”
He tilts his head thoughtfully. “Risks are okay if you do your homework. But why take risks when you know the odds are against you?”
“Because you sometimes beat the odds?”
“Is that enough of a reason to risk your future? For a maybe?”
I sigh. “This is the problem arguing with someone sensible.”
He laughs and pulls me to my feet. I feel relieved though there’s still one thing tugging at the back of my head. “Would it ruin things if I asked you not to come to the dinner?”
“Because of Anthony?”
“No, that’s over. It’s just…” I try to put my feelings into words. “I let my parents plan things, and I shouldn’t have. If you’re there, they’ll think it’s okay to keep pulling the strings.”
“I understand.”
“We’re okay? Friends.”
“Friends.”
He gives me a hug. I hug him back. When we separate, I can breathe a little easier.
Grant takes a last look down the rock hop trail and shakes his head. “You could climb down that, but why? You’d be miserable, you could end up injured, and for what?”
“You’re right. No risking my life.” No risking my heart.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asks.
I blink back tears. I stare down at the path I’ll never take. All the paths I’ll never take.
“There’s nothing to be worried about, Grant. I’m back on track.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Anthony
I lay the cardboard box on the passenger seat, check the layer of towels that pad the bottom and the side. I work the seat belt around the box, making sure it won’t shift as I drive. “All ready for you, Dad,” I murmur.
Yeah, I’m talking to a box, but I’m seeing Dad. His smile. His bushy eyebrows that were starting to sprout gray. His favorite ball cap pulled forward to shade his eyes because he was forever losing his sunglasses.
Let’s do it.
He always said that before we took off for a bike ride, spiraling the pedal into position and pushing off for the trail. Jeez, I miss him. I wish I’d paid more attention. Wish I’d gone riding more often. Wish he was still here.
Sighing, I leave the car door open. The urn is the last thing. Everything else is in the car. I just need to say good-bye to Mom. I take a look at my phone. Just after six p.m.
I’m guessing I have a four-hour drive to the campsite I’ve picked for tonight. It’s time to head out. Past time. I sigh and look around the garage. Something is holding me here—a restless feeling that I’m missing something. Forgetting something. But I haven’t. My duffel is packed, along with the camping gear. I’ve been over the car twice, changed the oil, topped off fluids, filled the tires.